


Become my Muse!

by Mvurie



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-07
Updated: 2021-03-18
Packaged: 2021-03-18 07:15:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 36
Words: 67,411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28614207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mvurie/pseuds/Mvurie
Summary: Felix stopped painting three years ago, could Changbin get him to pick up a brush again? [Changlix}Jisung had a crush for years, can he finally confess? [Minsung]Jeongin made a mistake on a drunken night, will he ever be forgiven [JeongChan] [Hyunin]A story about 8 students trying to repare a broken friendship, struggling with love and their past.Are they stronger together or better apart?*This story contains MATURE and EXPLICIT content*Chapters that might have triggering content will be marked with *Trigger*(Dealing with trauma and Mention of Rape and Abuse. Not actual rape or abuse happening but it will be mentioned)Updates every Tuesday!You can also find this story on wattpad: https://www.wattpad.com/user/mvurie
Relationships: Bang Chan/Yang Jeongin | I.N, Han Jisung | Han/Lee Minho | Lee Know, Hwang Hyunjin & Yang Jeongin | I.N, Hwang Hyunjin/Kim Seungmin, Hwang Hyunjin/Yang Jeongin | I.N, Lee Felix/Seo Changbin
Comments: 34
Kudos: 83





	1. Prologue

“Felix!!” Felix groaned as he turned over in his bed pulling his pillow over his head. It was too early to deal with any of this. He did not want to get up, getting up meant leaving. He did not want to leave. “FELIX, NOW!” He let out a sigh as he opened his eyes, staring at the ceiling. Today was the day his life would change. The day he would be leaving the place he grew up, the place he loved, to go somewhere he did not want to go. He slowly sat up in his bed, his hands moving through his hair. Turning his head to the nightstand he stared at the invitation letter.Today was the day he would leave Australia to join the world’s most prestige art school. The Veltica School of Arts.

Veltica School of Art was famous around the world for different kind of arts, those who left the school all became famous artists, writers and musicians. Art was important in his family, Felix his mother owned a number of galleries and his father was a world-famous sculptor. Felix himself had given up on art years ago. He still didn’t know why he had done it, why he made that painting 3 months ago, but it was like he couldn’t help himself. When his mother found the painting, she was so excited, she thought that he had finally started painting again and decided to show his painting in one of her galleries, a gallery that was visited by the school’s director. The director was so impressed by his painting that he send an invitation to Felix, an invitation to join his school. Felix only found out about his painting being in the gallery after he received the invitation. He was angry at his mother but he couldn’t do anything anymore. 

He can still picture the smile on his mother’s face when he received the invitation. It was already hard to get into that school through the normal auditions but to be invited in the middle of the year that was unheard of. Felix himself was doubtful, he did not want to leave Australia to join a school in the middle of the year, he did not want to paint, he did not want to leave his life behind. It was his childhood friend, his friend that had left Australia seven years prior to join Veltica, that convinced him to leave Australia and go to Korea. He would make his mother happy by going, but he did not have to paint. His friend told him he could join the dance program, he was good enough, he would not have to paint. He could just go there to dance. He did not have to paint… he could dance… he loved to dance. He could go to Korea and dance…

“Felix, get up now or you are going to miss your flight.” His mother shouted as she came barging in his room. “You are about to start a new chapter in your life… hurry up get dressed. “She shouted in excitement throwing the clothes she had prepared for him the day before at him. He looked at her moving through his room filled with excitement. He would go to Veltica and make his mother happy; he did not have to paint. He could just dance.


	2. Felix

**Felix**

His first hours in Korea passed him by in a daze. It was a little before midnight when he finally landed, and he was exhausted. There was a man waiting for him at the airport holding up a sign with his name. Escorting him to a car and driving him towards the school. He leaned his head against the window, too tired to translate what the driver was saying to him and have an actual conversation. It was not like he did not speak any Korean, his parents made sure he knew the language of their origin, but it was rusty, and he was tired to focus. Instead of making conversation he just stared up at the night sky, at the stars and the moon. It was a beautiful picture. How the moon disappeared and appeared again behind the mountains and between the trees. The school was located in the middle of the mountains with a huge campus, everything the students needed where provided on that campus. This way the students would not have any distraction. He sighed as they drove through the big gates entering the campus. This place looked like a giant prison.

There was a lady waiting for them in front of the dorms. She spoke a few quick words with the driver. By the disapproving look she gave him he guessed that the driver told her that he didn’t speak any Korean. Not that he really cared that much. He just wanted to go to bed and leave this whole day behind him. She grabbed his arm and pulled him inside of the building where she handed him a pair of keys and pointed towards the stairs. When he just stood there looking at her, she pointed to the keys again and then at the stars “GO!” She half shouted before going through the first door on his right and shutting it with a loud thud disappearing from his sight. Apparently, he was not the only one who wasn’t that excited about him arriving in the middle of the night. He was left there, alone in the empty hallway. He looked up at the clock above the stairs and let out a small sigh. It was 3 a.m. and he was stuck here, in Korea, in this school, alone…

Grabbing his suitcase and his bags he slowly walked in the direction the lady pointed, up to the stairs. Checking the label of the key’s she had handed to him. “0237” He mumbled to himself. “Probably the second floor then” With one last shaky breath he started his exhausted climb up the stairs. The dorm was early quiet, a few small lamps lighted up the hallway but it gave off a creepy vibe. Like no one else lived here. The dorm was old he could see that from the chipped wood to the creaking floor. Prestige school his ass, this place looked like a dump and all he wanted was to leave this day behind him and sleep. He finally lifted his suitcase up the final steps when his keys slipped out of his fingers falling on the floor with a soft thud. He bends down to grab the keys when the sound of the window slamming shut surprised him. His eyes quickly moving up he caught a figure moving in the shadows. With a small yelp he fell backwards knocking his suitcase back down the stairs.

He turned his head watching it fell own the stairs before quickly looking back up to stare at the person hiding in the shadows. He felt his heart beating in his chest trying. The person was clad in all black and it was difficult to see any distinctive features. Just great, Felix thought, I didn’t even want to go there and now I will end up getting killed here. The figure in the dark chuckled softly, the first thing Felix noted was the nice sound of the others laugh, second was the realization that he actually said that out loud. A blush started forming on his face. He watched as the man shifted slightly in the shadows, his lips becoming visible by the light off the moon. He lifted his finger and brought it to his lips “SShhhh…” The lips formed a small smirk before the man quickly disappeared through the door closest by the window, leaving Felix all alone once again.

He sat there on the floor for a few seconds, staring at the place the man had disappeared to, before turning his head staring at his suitcase at the bottom of the stairs and with a deep grumbling sound from the back of his throat he went back down to retrieve it. With a bit of luck, he was able to find his room quickly. As soon as he entered his room, he heard the heavy breathing of someone sleeping. The room was pitch black making it almost impossible for him to see anything. He quickly retrieved his phone from his pocket only to find out its battery died. So, no flashlight for him. Well this wasn’t awkward at all. He sighed trying to navigate himself around the room until he found a bed, an empty bed. With a groan he fell down on it. Forgetting about his suitcase, about his dirty clothes and dirty skin. The only thing on his mind was the softness of the bed and before long he drifted off in deep sleep.


	3. Felix

Felix woke up from the light hitting his face and something poking his arms. He tried to grab a blanket or a pillow or anything to cover his face but as much as he tried to feel around him there was nothing there. He slightly peaked one eye open only to stare straight into a pair of puppy eyes. With a scream he pushed the person away, falling back and rolling off the bed in return. The other guys screamed as well falling back on the floor. Felix groaned rubbing his butt, he slowly moved back to the bed peaking over the edge to see a young-looking guy with black hair sitting on his butt on the floor. The guy gave him an awkward wave “Hii… I’m Yang Jeong In, 19 years old and a first-year music major. your... uhm… roommate I guess.” Felix nodded slowly trying to process the information as he moved to sit on the bed his head still groggy from sleep. “Nice to meet you… I am Lee Felix, 20 years old…” He didn’t want to tell the roommate he just met that he was still struggling with his major so instead he just smiles at the younger guy. Jeong In stared at him in shock for a while “Wow… your voice is so deep, and you are older with me, so you are my Hyung then” Felix nodded slowly “Yeah but you don’t have to call me Hyung it’s okay” Jeong In remained seated on the floor, playing a bit with his hair “I am sorry for waking you up so abruptly… it’s just.. the cafeteria will close in a little bit and you didn’t have any breakfast… I didn’t want to wake up this morning because you looked really tired, so I figured since its lunch break, I would come and get you and we can have lunch together, I’m sorry is that weird?” The guy just rambled on while Felix stared at him blankly. “What time is it?” He finally managed to ask when Jeong In finally took a breath in between his words. That boy could talk a lot. “It’s 1 o’clock, we should hurry, classes start again at 2.” He ended up sleeping a lot, but he felt still tired. Felix ruffled his hair, slapping his face a few times to wake up. Jeong In stood up walking to one of the closets “You can wash up in the bathroom, yesterday someone came and delivered your uniform. I will wait here; we can go to the cafeteria for lunch and after that I will bring you to the directors’ office. 

Felix grabbed his toiletries from his suitcase before moving into the small bathroom, taking a peek off himself in the mirror. He looked terrible. He had bags under his eyes and his skin was pale, at least the paleness brought out his freckles. That was the one positive thing about his appearance right now. He quickly turned on the shower, stepping into the hot stream of water, washing away the dirt of travelling and sleep. Closing his eyes as the water hit his face, he couldn’t help but think of the night before, of the man he had seen in the shadows. How the light of the moon hit the man’s face showing only his lips. That dark chuckle. In that moment a painting came to his mind. ‘Desire’ that is what he would call it. He opened his eyes again turning off the water. He shook his head, he did not paint anymore, thinking about it would be stupid. After putting on his uniform and getting ready to leave Jeong In showed him to the students building where the cafeteria was located. According to Jeong In, the school had different small cafés and restaurants located around the campus, but most students preferred to eat in the cafeteria, especially when a show case was coming up. It was the best place to meet people. On their way to the cafeteria Felix couldn’t help but notice how many heads turned around to stare at them. Some looking disapproving. 

Jeong In noticed Felix looking around. “There have been a lot of rumours going around about you. About the student that was able to enter mid-year, some even say that the director has a painting off you hanging in his office.” He gave the younger a confused look. “how do they even know it is me?”

“This school might look big but it’s the kind of place where everybody knows everybody, they haven’t seen you before, so they assume it is you.” He could hear the sadness in the others voice so when he turned his head to see his roommates face, the smile that he had been wearing all morning was gone, but only for a second before it came back. For some reason the smile felt fake now. Jeong In quickly walked on leading Felix into the cafeteria. He immediately went to the buffet stuffing sandwich after another pasty onto his tray. Felix just walked after him staring at the huge amount of food on display. “Since you haven’t received your student card yet, you can’t pay for things. This means I get to treat you to your first meal at Veltica as a sort of welcome to the school.” Jeong In explained while he paid for the food and guiding him through the busy cafeteria to a small table in the corner to sit down. 

“You said that a lot of people come to the cafeteria because the showcase is nearing… why?” He had heard about the show case before, the school held one every season and apparently, they are a big deal. Jeong In looked up a sandwich halfway through to his mouth. He slowly put it down again. “The showcase is different here from other schools. The duration of the showcase is a week-long with the grand finale, during the week everybody can show their individual talents, there are art shows, theatre performances, dance shows and music shows. But on the last day of the showcase is the grand finale. For the grand finale students from different programs and different years come together. They battle to be the best performance off the night. Being part of those teams is important for students here.” Felix nodded taking a bite of his food “So are you part of a team already?” He asked tilting his head. Jeong In shook his head “I am not someone people want in their team…” Felix frowned opening his mouth to ask more before he was rudely interrupted.

“Ah guys look at that… Innie finally made friend… aren’t you the new transfer student… you got some courage to join is in the middle off the year… careful there you might catch Innie fever, I wouldn’t spend too much time with him” Felix turned his head to look at the three guys walking up to their table grinning at his roommate before turning to look at him. “You should be careful about who you hang out with especially with the deadline of the teams coming so near. Don’t worry you don’t have to eat lunch with this talentless piece of trash, you can join us at our table.” Felix turned his face to look at his roommate a frown forming on his face as he saw him staring at his food, his face and ears bright red. The boy looked like he was close to crying. 

“I think I am good here, thank you. Those who refer to others as trash are not really worth my time.” Felix heard himself say without really thinking about it. It was his first day he should not go around and making enemies, but his roommate had been nice to him from the moment he had woken up. He made Felix feel like maybe this school wasn’t that bad. He trusted the feeling in his gut that Jeong In was a good guy. After swallowing his bite of food, he looked up once more “Are you still here?” The guy glared at him “Well if that’s what you want… but don’t come crying later on.” Felix stared at the three guys as they walked away. “Thank you. but maybe you should have joined them. I am sure that would have been better for you.” Felix shook his head giving the younger a small smile. “I can decide who I want to have as a friend and I certainly do not wish to be friends with people like that. You on the other hand are a different story” Jeong In looked up with an honest smile this time “You want to be my friend?” Felix nodded before clearing his throat “Yes of course. why not…” He looked at the happy smile and those puppy eyes and wondered why someone wouldn’t want to be friends with this angel.

They continued eating in silence for a bit more before Jeong In finally spoke again “So are you excited to join the art program? I heard that art studios are amazing.” Felix almost chocked on his food coughing trying to get the piece that lodged in his throat out he shook his head. “Actually, I do not want to join the art program, I was thinking of joining the dance program.” Jeong In looked at him surprised “but I thought you were accepted into the school because of your art, why would you join the dance program.” Felix shook his head “It’s just that… I don’t really paint any-… “O” The scream boomed through the entire cafeteria shocking the two friends. Felix quickly looked around until he spotted the source of that voice running towards him. He barely got time to get up from his chair as two big arms engulfed him.


	4. Changbin

He groaned as the warm water hit his sore cheek. Moving his hands to latter his hair in shampoo the citrus scent filling the small bathroom space. He winced as he moved his hands down, tracing the bruises on his ribs. It had been a mistake to go out last night. A few days ago, he had broken up with his girlfriend and she had wanted to meet with him last night to return his things. Instead of his stuff he found her brother and two friends waiting for him. They beat him up for breaking his ‘Little sisters’ heart. The girl was a clingy psychopath. She wanted to meet all the time and was always jealous. But apparently calling her a psychopath was the wrong thing to do in front of her brother. Even though he was a good fighter, it was three against one and they took him by surprise. At least his night wasn’t a complete disaster. He remembered the cute guy he spotted when he had returned to the dorms. He’d never seen him around campus before but when he closed his eyes, he could see how the light had reflected on his shocked face, how those big eyes stared at him. His hand slowly travelled down from his ribs, imagining the beautiful face he had seen.

“Changbin get your ass out of bed, if I am missing lunch because of you I am going to kill you.” Changbin let out a groan hitting his head against the shower wall before, what in the world was he doing, slowly turning off the water and wrapping a towel around his waist as the banging on his door continued. He grabbed another one to dry his hair. The moment he stepped out of the small bathroom; he opened the door before moving further into his room. Walking down to his closet. “Good morning to you too Jisung.” He grabbed his school uniform slowly starting to get dressed while Jisung impatiently leaned against the door frame tapping his arm with his finger. “It’s already afternoon, you skipped morning classes… Again… You know we have to present our new song, today right? The song for the showcase. I don’t want to be late and I want to get lunch before we….” He moved off the doorframe touching the others slightly swollen cheek. His eyes going down to the bruises on his ribs “You went out again last night, didn’t you? You should stop messing around with those girls, If you get caught you can get kicked out you know… if you get kicked out our team is screwed.” Changbin smacked the others hand away “Your concern for me is touching… but it’s fine… I won’t get caught.”

Jisung just rolled his eyes. Changbin knew his friend was concerned. Jisung had told him many times to stop sneaking out and fooling around outside of campus. Students where not actually allowed to leave the campus. Everything they needed was provided on campus so there was no reason for them to leave. It made Changbin feel like he was in a prison. A fancy well equipped prison but still a prison. He just enjoyed the thrill of leaving the campus. He had a motorcycle hidden in the forest he would take on small drives around or visit the nearest cities where he would go clubbing and meet up with girls. Just something to get his mind off of everything that was going on inside the campus. “No more sneaking out until the showcase is done.” Jisung said sternly, Changbin just ruffled his squirrel friend’s hair walking passed him to finish doing his own hair and getting dressed.

He had almost forgotten about the showcase; he didn’t really care for it anyway. He was happy with their team of three but apparently three music students from the same class did not really make a team. They needed to add more people according to their teacher. His friends where really excited about it, he couldn’t care less. He just wanted to make music. That is the reason he came here in the first place wasn’t it. Not these stupid shows.

When he finished getting dressed the two made their way down to the cafeteria. With Jisung filling the silence. Sometimes Changbin wondered how the other could produce word that fast, but then again it is what made his friend such a good rapper and lyricist. Then again what made it possible for Jisung to always know everything that was going on at this school would forever remain a mystery to him. “I just texted Chan he is already in the cafeteria waiting for us. Did you hear? The new kid has finally arrived, the one from the painting. They say he is cute; girls are already fanning over him and there is a rumour he won’t actually join the art department. They say he is joining the music department in the dance program. I wonder if his painting really was that impressive, it must be right I mean that is why he was able to enter the school in the middle of the year.”

“Ah…” Changbin suddenly exclaimed, stopping in the middle of the sidewalk, shocking Jisung. “That was the guy that spotted me last night, you know when I climbed to the window to get back into the dorm.” Jisung’s eyes turned as wide as two little saucers. “WHAT! You saw the new guy… wait no, you got spotted last night?” Changbin turned to his friend with a big grin on his face waving the second comment away “I think I scared the crap out of him, he is a beauty though….” Jisung just squinted his eyes at him with a judging look on his face. “Did you just call another guy a beauty?” He shrugged. The lines of sexuality have always been kind of fluid in the school, there were more people bisexual or gay than straight. But Changbin had never been one of them. He patted his friends back before opening the doors to the cafeteria “I mean even I can appreciate beauty…” Jisung just looked at him with an unreadable expression. “It’s just strange, seeing you show interest, not just in a guy but in anyone at this school, are you sure they didn’t give you a concussion last night?” Changbin wanted to give him a remark but before he could a familiar voice caught his attention.

“YONGGBOOKKKIIEEEE!!!” He heard the third member of their team and one of his closest friends scream through the cafeteria. He watched him run by wrapping the beauty he had seen the night before in his arms. He stopped dead in his tracks staring at the interaction. Jisung just looked around like an idiot. “That was Bang Chan wasn’t it? Where is he? I can’t see him? Who is Yong Bok? Oh well I’m going to grab some food first before. We only have 10 minutes till class starts.” Jisung walked towards the buffer to grab himself something to eat while Changbin remained standing there watching the beauty he had seen the night before smile brightly at his friend. Something in his chest constricted at the sight. Who was this new guy anyway? Why was he having such an effect on him, they haven’t even met yet. How of all people did Bang Chan know him? A beep from his phone brought him back from his thoughts. Taking it from his pocket staring at the text he received.

**_Nana:  
_ ** _Changbin I am sorry about what happened last night, can we talk. I did not mean for this to happen._

He let out a sigh, closing his phone and putting it away, just as Jisung found his way back to him. “Did you find Bang Chan? We should hurry and go to class.”


	5. Felix&Changbin

**Felix** ****

Being wrapped in his childhood friends arms actually brought some tears to his eyes. He hugged the other back drowning himself in the familiar scent. “How have you been Felix.” Chan spoke after finally letting the other go. His Australian accent still heavy even though he left Australia 7 years ago.“I’m good, especially now that I see you.” He smiled up at the other. The older just gave him a bright smile ruffling his hair. “Your voice became deeper than the lowest snare of a cello mate.” Felix grinned looking up at his friends with the brightest smile. This was the one good things about coming to this school. He was happy to see his childhood friend again. Back in Australia they had been really close, with Bang Chan always looking out for him. That was until he left for Korea, they had lost contact soon after. Now being together again he hoped to regain the friendship they had lost. A small cough behind him snapped him out of his daze. “Ah Chan this is Jeongin my roommate.” A shadow passed over Chan’s face as he looked at Jeongin, who in turn just stared down at his food blushing slightly. “We know each other… good to see you again Jeongin.” Chan replied stiffly, The latter just nodded shyly blushing while looking at his plate. There was a tense feeling in the air as he looked between his oldest and newest friend. Felix was about to open his mouth to ask what was going on. When he heard someone shouting out Bang Chan’s name. Turning his head, he saw someone standing by the door off the cafeteria. His face was hidden by a hoodie so Felix couldn’t see well who he was, only that he was dressed in complete black.

Next to the guy dressed in complete black he could see a pair of hands waving but the body attached to those hands was lost in the crowed. The guy dressed in black just turned his head away when he noticed Chan and Felix looking at him. Chan just nodded before turning to Felix “Looks like I have to go, will you be okay?” Felix nodded “Jeongin is going to drop me off at the director’s office before his class starts.” Chan turned his head to Jeongin opening his mouth to say something before closing it again leaving Felix to wonder what was going on. But Chan just ruffled Felix his hair again.“I will see you later okay let’s grab some dinner.” Felix nodded. With another shout of his name he quickly turned around “See you lix, and welcome to Veltica. I’m sure it’s going to be great!”

Felix watched his friend go before retaking his seat, noticing again how many people were staring at him and Jeongin. “I didn’t know you already knew some people at this school.” Felix looked up at Jeongin rubbing the back of his neck “I only know Bang Chan, we are childhood friends, he is actually the one that convinced me to come here.” JeongIn nodded “Lucky, that means you will probably enter their team. They are really well known around campus. The three off them.” He nodded his head to the three at the entrance. “All of them are in their final year, they produce their own music and are really good. For this show case they weren’t allowed to just do it with the three of them though, so now they are trying to form a team. If you already know Bang Chan, you might be able to join them.”

Even though Felix saw that JeongIn tried to hide it with excitement, but there was jealousy and sadness in his voice. “Why did you say nobody wants you in their team?” The question escaped his lips before he could stop himself. Jeongin put his food down shoving his plate away. “Some things happened when I arrived here, people don’t really like me here, on top off that, I am a first year and my singing is still lacking I’m sure no one wants me in their team.”

“If I can join Chan’s team maybe you can join as well, we could be in a team together.” Felix smiled at him but JeongIn just shook his head “I’m sure especially Bang Chan does not want me to join his team.” When he spotted Felix wanting to ask more, he just shook his head “Let’s drop this okay?”

Felix looked back once again at the door where he saw Bang Chan leaving the arms of one of his friends wrapped around his shoulder. It was that moment that he locked his eyes with the guy who was hiding his face before. He recognised those lips, the same lips he had seen the night before. A shiver went down his spine as he quickly focussed back at the now empty plate of food on their table. “Shall we go to the director’s office?” He heard Jeongin say and he quickly nodded his head, turning his head to look at the guy clad in black again, but he was already gone.

**Changbin**

“Thanks to you we are going to be late…” Jisung groaned while he stuffed his sandwich in mouth filling up his cheeks. Changbin sighed and looked to the other side of the cafeteria where his friend was hugging the new guy, he noticed the bright smile on that beautiful face. Felix, that’s what Chan had called him. “Have you seen Chan yet? I am sure I heard him scream before?” Jisung still looked around clueless before finally opening his mouth “BANG CHAN!!!” Jisung screamed making Changbin look down hoping his cap and hoodie would hide his face. Why was his friend always so loud? He turned his head glaring at Jisung “Is that really necessary?” Jisung just shrugged taking another bite of his sandwich puffing his cheeks up even more. He turned his attention back to Chan and the new kid. When Chan walked towards him, he saw the new kid sit down across from Jeong In of all people. He frowned. “Shall we go and blow them away with our new song” Chan said as he reached them. “Yes!” Jisung almost screamed. “But first let me grab another sandwich.” With those words he darted off again back to the buffet. Changbin stared at Chan

“I didn’t know you knew the new kid. Shouldn’t you warn him?” He knows he sounds rude; he wasn’t really a bad person. Changbin just wasn’t that good at making new friends. He didn’t like all the pleasantries especially not with people that weren’t interesting to him. It’s not like he did not have any friends at all. He had Jisung and Chan and one more friend. That was enough for him. He’d rather have a few good friends than have superficial friendships with everyone.

He nodded towards where Felix and JeongIn where eating, Chan looked back at them and sighed. “Felix is my childhood friend from Australia, they are roommates.” Felix, that is his name, and he is from Australia like Chan. Changbin put the information in the back of his head. “Tonight, I will have dinner with him and warn him to stay away from Jeongin.” Changbin was still looking at the two roommates when Chan suddenly moved closer, pulling his hoodie back from his face revealing the bruise on his cheek. He quickly slapped his hand away hiding his face again. “Before you say anything, Jisung already scolded me, okay? So, let it go please?” At that moment Jisung appeared again wrapping an arm around Chans shoulder. “Let’s go!!!” speaking the words louder than was necessary, but he was grateful for the interruption as Chan seemed to drop the issue and started walking out of the cafeteria with Jisung. Changbin looked back one last time his eyes locking with that of Felix. A small part of satisfaction ran through him as he saw the other quickly look away. Felix from Australia. Yes, he certainly was interested.

He quickly followed after his friends. “So, the new guy…” Jisung started “Felix” Chan interrupted. Earning a shocked face from Jisung, eyes wide, mouth open. Changbin always thought he looked a bit like a fish like this. “YOU KNOW THE NEW GUY?!” Chan groaned. “Normal talking volume please? But yes, I know Felix, he is a childhood friend from Australia.” Jisung almost started jumping with excitement. “So… is he really as good as the rumours claim?” Chan let out a sigh “He is better… too bad he doesn’t really paint anymore…”

“he doesn’t? Then why is he here?” The big question anyone is asking and by the curiosity in Jisung’s voice he knew that his friend wouldn’t stop until he found out the true of why the new guy doesn’t paint anymore.

“he will join the dance program… He is a pretty good dancer, better than some of the dancers here. He will be fine…” Chan muttered the last words softly doubt coating his voice. Changbin couldn’t help but wonder “And the school is okay with that? I thought they accepted him based on painting.” Chan shrugged “I think they want to trigger him into painting again.” He snorted “Goodluck with that. Believe me many people have tried. I have tried.” At the sadness in Bang Chan’s voice Jisung and Changbin exchanged a glance. “I did think that maybe he could join our team for the showcase, like I said he is a pretty good dancer. It will be good for him to meet some people here. He doesn’t really have that many friends.”

“If you get to invite Felix, then Changbin and I get to invite someone as well.”


	6. Felix

**Felix** ****

After breakfast Jeongin quickly dropped him off before going to his own class. Apparently today was an important day for all music students as they were to present their music for the showcase. They promised to watch a movie together in the evening because Felix had already made plans for dinner with Chan, but he wanted to spend some time with his roommate to get to know him better.

He followed the nice secretary into the office. She told him to wait there for a couple of minutes, till the director would be back. That is how he ended up, alone, in the huge office of the director. It only took him a few seconds before he spotted the painting on the wall. The painting the director had bought from his mother’s gallery, the painting that gave him the ‘Golden’ ticket to enter this school. He walked to it tracing the lines with his eyes. A shiver went down his spine as he thought of the night, he painted it. Thoughts of the pain and sadness that were incorporated in that painting. He wanted to rip it off the wall and destroy it. He did not want to be here. His breathing became heavier, his eyes started to water. He wanted to escape this room, this room that held that hellish piece of art, he wanted to go home.

“Lee Yong Bok... If I am not mistaken.” Felix turned his head in shock at the voice, nodding slowly. “Please take a seat.” If the director saw anything on his face, he didn’t mention it. Felix quietly moved to his seat sitting down while staring at his hands.

“My name is Park Jin Young, and I am the principle of this school.” Felix nodded not looking up from his lap. “It is very rare that we allow students to enter in the middle of the year, as you know the auditioning to get into this school is quite hard. Of course, I had to make an exception for something as beautiful as that.” The director pointed to the painting, but Felix didn’t want to turn his head and see his so called “masterpiece”, so he just looked straight ahead at the director. “After I send the invitations I talked to your mother and she told me about certain complications.” Well if you could call him not wanting to paint anymore and being forced to go to a school where he will have to paint a complication then yes, there are certain complications. He wanted to roll his eyes but that probably wouldn’t be the best thing in a situation like this. The director ruffled some of the papers in front of him. “Your mother told me that you were willing to join this school if you have a dance major in the music department, instead of joining the art program.” Felix nodded uncomfortably as the director looked up at him, feeling like the director’s eyes where directly piercing through his skin. “After she showed me videos of you dancing, I made a deal with her. It is not the first time that we enrol students in multiple programs. You will have to join the art program, but you can choose dance as your major.” A small smile finally found its way on Felix his lips as he looked at the man before him.

“You will need to be in your studio for at least 5 hours a week to start with, I expect you to create one painting for the fall show case and you have to follow the art classes.” With that the smile on Felix his lips fell again. But the director continued talking “You will also have to follow the regular and the dance classes, perform at the showcase and prove that you are worthy of being here, just like all the other students. As you are joining us midway through the year you do not need to give a solo performance, but I want you to find a team to join for grand finale.This is the deal I made with your mother and I expect you to live up to our expectation.” Felix let out a sigh, his mother had tried. She wanted him to be here, she wanted him to succeed here. He was doing this for her, and she tried to help him. How he felt and what he wanted, what he could and couldn’t do, it wasn’t up to him. When adults want something of you, they will get it. “Remember if you are not able to succeed in any of these criteria you will have to leave the school just like any other of the students, understood?”

“Yes, sir.” Felix nodded. “Very well, then here is your class schedule and everything else you need… Jieun!” At the call of her name, the secretary entered the room again. Felix leaned over grabbing the folder of papers. “Please bring the Mister Hwang inside please.” She nodded and was soon followed inside by another boy. “Yong Bok, meet Hyunjin, Like you he is part of both the art program and the dance program. He will show you around the school and explain your schedule. He will also explain what you have to do for the fall show case. I expect great things from you… please do not let me or your mother down. You are given a great opportunity here. Don’t lose it.” With those final words and a wave of his hand he got dismissed. He gave the director a deep bow before being ushered out of the office by Hyunjin.

“You are lucky, today the music students are presenting their music for the fall show case, which means most of the other programs have a day off. Tomorrow they will start the official team making process for the showcase, though most teams have already been created. It is always an exciting time. The invitation envelopes and auditions.” Hyunjin started walking in a random direction, Felix just followed after him trying to keep up. They kept walking until they reached one of the campus cafe’s “How about we start with some coffee, get to know each other a bit more and then I can explain how things work here. Afterwards I will show you around campus.” Felix nodded following the other inside. “One iced caramel latte please and for you…?” “Vanilla latte please.” They grabbed their drinks before finding a place next to the windows.

“So, Yong Bok…”

“Felix… please call me Felix.”

Hyunjin looked up at him before nodding “Alright, Felix…” Hyunjin swallowed while staring at his face, making him feel a bit uncomfortable. “I’m sorry but I really have to ask. Is it true? Is the painting in the director’s office actually yours?” He nodded slowly “It is, but I don’t actually paint anymore.” Hyunjin stared at him for a moment “Then why did you paint that?” Felix looked outside the window, why does everyone keep asking him that. Why is everyone here so invested in him. “Because I had a bad night and I was drunk.” He said curtly hoping the other would drop the subject.

“If that is you on a bad night, I am wondering what you can make on a good night.” Felix sighed and stared at his coffee mumbling softly “I am not sure if you will ever find out.” There was a small silence before Hyunjin cleared his throat. “Well alright now that question is out of my system, let’s talk business.” He grabbed the folder Felix received from the director. Taking papers out and handing him a card.

“This is your student card. Your bank account is linked to the card and everything in this school can be paid for with this card. You can also access certain area’s such as classrooms and dance studio’s and of course also your personal art studio, to be honest I think the only place you can’t access with your card is the dorm, but that’s just because the dorm lady is old fashioned, lovely, but old fashioned. ”

Felix stared at the picture on the card for a moment before his head snapped up. “Studio?” Hyunjin nodded. “Every art student has his own studio to create the art they want, the studios are located in the art building, all the supplies you wish for can be provided and delivered to the studio’s. They want to create a personal space for the art students to freely express themselves. It is not that difficult to give every art student their own studio as there aren’t that many left, most people either join the music programmes or the theatre programmes.It is probably also the reason they accepted you mid-year, they just don’t want to program to die out. I will show you your own studio after the tour.” Felix nodded trying to soak up all the information.

“Hyunjin took the next paper from the folder taking a look at it. “You will have dance practice Monday to Thursday 8 till 12, Regular classes Monday to Wednesday in the afternoon, art classes on Thursday and Studio day on Friday. Of course, your schedule is mostly fluid depending on the situation you are in. You always have to send a notification to your teacher when you are skipping the classes. Our schedules align so looks like we are stuck together from now on.” Hyunjin rambled on while Felix slowly sipped his coffee listening while he stared outside the window. His mind drifting off.

If all of this would have happened 3 years ago, he would’ve been so happy. Back then it was his dream to join Veltica, now it is his nightmare. His schedule would have sounded perfect 3 years ago and having his own studio with all the supplies he wanted was like a dream coming true. He would probably start to live there. Surrounded by his own art. He let out a deep sigh. In the corner of his eyes he saw silky long black hair moving just around the corner. A riling went through his entire body. No that wasn’t true she wasn’t here. He quickly shook his head. All this talk about art and painting made him imagine things. He was in Korea she couldn’t be here. Hyunjin leaned over tapping Felix his knee trying to get his attention. “Shall we start the tour then?” Felix nodded slowly embarrassed that he got so distracted while the other was talking. He quickly got up and followed his guide around campus where he started rambling on and on again.

“The school exist of 6 main building, The dorms, the student building, where you can find the teachers offices and service centre, the art building, the conservatorium, the regular building, in the regular building you also have the library, the mall and the theatre. Scattered around campus there are also small café’s and shops. Next to your regular program you can also enrol in different kind of workshops, they are usually arranged monthly. It’s a nice way to learn new skills.” He followed Hyunjin around the school, listening while the other explained everything about the school. Their tour ended at the art building with on the ground floor, the studio’s.

Hyunjin showed him his own studio first. “Sculptures…” Felix smiled at the other. “They look amazing… you do have a lot of talent.” He walked around at the sculpture of a male body inspecting it. Hyunjin beamed at him with pride. “Thank you… you are the son of a famous sculptor, right? Getting compliments from someone like that means a lot… Do you make sculptures yourself?”   
“No… sculptures are my father’s thing; I have never been really good at it.”

Hyunjin pointed at the door. “Ready to see your own studio?”Felix nodded uncertain taking a deep breath before following Hyunjin. When they reached the door of his studio, he put his card Infront of the scanner unlocking the door. As he entered the studio, he looked around amazed. One off the walls was completely covered in windows giving the room a lot of natural light. A lot of supplies where already placed in the room. Big canvasses and different kinds of paint. Brushes of different materials and sizes where lined up in the cabinet. “Your mom sends a list of materials you like to use,” when Hyunjin saw the look Felix gave him he quickly corrected himself “Liked to use in the past I mean. The director asked me to prepare them for you.” Felix nodded. “Well then this is the end of our tour, unfortunately I will have to leave you here, I have someone I have to meet. Feel free to look around a bit more and if you need anything just text me okay?” Hyunjin spoke while staring to his phone. Felix was in trance in his studio humming softly in responds, “See you at dance practice tomorrow morning.” Hyunjin called out as he left the studio, but Felix couldn’t hear him anymore. He moved his fingers over an empty canvas, a painting suddenly came to the front of his mind. A painting of moonlight hitting a face. He could see it drawn on the canvas. ’Desire.’ A beep from his phone shook him awake from his thoughts. Another riling went down his spine and he quickly retracted his hand from the canvas reaching into his pocket to see a text from Chan.

**_Channie:  
_ ** _Hey mate, Ready to have dinner?_

**_Lix:  
_ ** _Yeah sounds great, I am starving._

**_Channie:  
_ ** _Where are you now?_

**_Lix:  
_ ** _In my studio at the art building._

**Channie:  
** _Alright I will meet you there. There’s a nice little cafe close to the art building where we can have some pasta.  
seen._

He looked up from his phone realising that Hyunjin had already left him alone. He let out a sigh as he sat down in the middle of his studio. His eyes fixed on the painting. A part of him wanted to pick up a brush and bring that picture to life, another part, a bigger part, wanted to run away. If that wouldn’t have happened 3 years ago, would he still have been okay now? Would he just paint his days away? Would he not feel so lonely and separated from everyone he cared about? Would he still have friends? No this was a new start like his mother said. Maybe he couldn’t paint, maybe there was still a lot of things wrong with him, but he was making friends. Bang Chan, Jeongin and even Hyunjin. They all seemed great. He already met three guys that where nice to him and he didn’t immediately turn them away. He maybe couldn’t paint but he could try to make friends again. He could dance. This place wasn’t so bad. His eyes travelled around the white canvas slowly getting up from the floor walking to the cabinet and reaching out to pick up a brush, his hand shaking, and he quickly pressed it back against his chest. Moving back to sit down grasping his hand. Everything would have been better if that had never happened. If that had never happened then maybe, the scent of paint wouldn’t make him puke, the feeling of a brush wouldn’t give him panic. Then maybe he could still express himself through his art. A silent tear escaped his eyes as he looked at the painting. Maybe he would still be normal.


	7. Bang Chan & Felix

**Bang Chan** ****

Walking to the art building Bang Chan thought about the class. The music they presented had been well received and they got the okay to prepare a team for the show case. Now they just had to get the right people together. Normally he would perform with his own team, together with Jisung and Changbin they had created ‘3RACHA’ in their first year. The teachers told them to incorporate more people in their performance this year and create a larger team. With students from different programmes. They each had a person they wanted to invite. Even though they hadn’t evaluated the skills, yet it was important that they had a nice vibe going on and Chan had some making up to do with Felix. He had missed the freckled boy more than he would like to admit. So, he really wanted his younger Australian friend to join his team.   
They would send out the invitations tonight and tomorrow have their first meeting. He just really hoped everything would work out fine.

When Bang Chan arrived at Felix his studio, he peaked his head through the door opening. He saw his friend sitting on the floor staring at a white canvas. They had lost contact 7 years ago after he left Australia to come to Korea. He wanted to keep in touch, but he just got so busy that he could barely respond, and after some time he just felt awkward responding to him. 3 years ago, Felix got in contact with him, it was the day of his audition for Veltica, he had been stressed enough as it was, and then Felix had kept texting him and calling him. He had turned his phone off, only turning it back on the next morning. 27 messages all deleted, 18 missed phone calls. When he tried to call Felix back he wouldn’t pick up, when he texted him what was going on, he only received a _“nvm”,_ So Chan just let it go, there wasn’t much that he could do all the way in Korea. It had always bothered him, what happened that day.

2 months later Felix his mother contacted him. Telling him that Felix had stopped painting and Chan realised that something had been seriously wrong that day and he had just ignored his oldest friend. His mother thought that Felix didn’t want to stop painting but something or someone had stopped him from doing what he loved most. She told him that something was wrong with him. He started to distance himself from all his friends, from his family. Felix was sad and alone all the time and it was like he built a wall around him that no one could penetrate. She asked him if he could figure out what happened. In the three years he never did, but they did get back into contact again. He had noticed the change in his friend when the talked over the phone, when they texted. There was a constant sadness in the other, even though he tried to hide. Chan knew Felix was keeping secrets and something had happened to him. He had seen the sadness in his eyes the moment they met again. It was like a light that was there 7 years ago had just gone out.

Chan stood in the door opening of the studio for a while watching his friend. He saw that sadness on his friends’ face, the way he was holding his shaking hand to his chest. The way he stared longingly at the canvas, a small tear escaping his eyes and he realised what Felix his mom said was true. Felix did not want to stop painting. Something or someone made him. He felt his own heart breaking. What hurt him so much, that he sat huddled up, crying at an empty canvas.

He knocked the door. Seeing Felix jumped up a bit, wiping the tear from his face. Like a mask sliding back in place the sadness was gone from his face and a smile came onto his lips. Chan swallowed “So this is your studio isn’t it?” Felix stood up and nodded. “Don’t think I am going to use it though… I just have to spend 5 hours a week here and I will be fine.” He shrugged walking to the door “So where will we go for dinner, I am starving.” Chan scanned his friend for a moment. He wanted to ask, he wanted to ask so bad, what happened? “Some things never change; you are always starving… let’s go like I said there is a really good pasta place not far from here.” ****

**Felix**

They sat down and Bang Chan ordered some pasta, Felix was content to just look at his friend not really caring about what he would eat as long as he could eat something. While waiting for the food they discussed Felix his schedule and flight. They talked about home for a while. Just as their food arrived Chan turned to him with a smile. “Now that you have had your tour and everything about the school got explained, and I know it is only your first day, but I was wondering. I am sure they told you about the fall show case happening in two months.” Felix nodded taking another bite of his food. Damn this pasta was good. “My usual team is set but the teachers want us to incorporate more people, and I saw the videos of you dancing, besides your deep voice would be a real asset. I was wondering if you would like to join us.”

Felix looked up excitedly Jeongin was right of course his oldest friend would ask him to join their team. “Of course, the director told me to join a team for the show case or else I wouldn’t be able to stay in the school so joining with you would be amazing.” The director also told him to make a painting, but he kept that piece of information to himself. Both friends smiled to each other “That’s great, we start practicing tomorrow morning. During the dance classes so make sure to arrive on time okay. I will send you the correct room.”

Suddenly a thought entered his mind, something that had been bothering him since that morning “Channie, can I ask you something?” Chan looked up surprised nodding “I kind of told Jeongin I would ask if he could join as well as he doesn’t have a team yet.” Felix watched as his friend’s expression suddenly darkened. Chan cleared his throat putting his fork down. “Look Felix, you are new here and I understand that he is your roommate and you haven’t really met anyone else yet, but Jeongin is not a good person. It is better if you stay away from him.” Felix frowned putting his fork down as well and crossing his arms “Why?”

“Just trust me on this… it is better if you stay away from him?” Chan responded crossing his arms as well “I am asking you why? He seemed like a good person, I don’t get why people make bad comments about him, why they laugh behind his back and are mean to his face. I don’t get why you are acting this way. You off all people. You give everyone a chance.” Chan shook his head closing his eyes. “I gave Jeongin a chance, he is manipulative and sneaky, it is just better to stay away from him before you get hurt. Beside there are too many rumours about him going around.”  
“So? There are many rumours about me as well?”  
“ it is different… you are new… he is…”  
“He is what?” Felix didn’t know why, why he was protecting someone he barely knew, fighting with his friend, for someone he barely knew. Chan was right he was new to this school; he probably knew nothing about the things that are going on here. But something in his gut told him his friend was wrong. Felix shunned all his old friends, Jeongin was the first person he had given a chance. He did not want his first friend in three years to be a bad person.

“I gave him a chance Felix, have you even listened to the rumours about him? The rumours of how he broke people up, how he slept around with teachers to get into this school and to remain at this school. Everyone knows he should have been kicked out a long time ago, he can’t keep up with the classes and his vocal skills are lacking.” Felix flinched a dull sound echoing in his ears. His hands started shaking again he tried to hide them under the desk and turned to stare out the window not wanting to look into Chan’s eyes. “I want to belief you, but I don’t think he is a bad person. Maybe if you just give him another chance.” He replied softly, trying to keep the tremble out of his voice. “No.” Felix turned to face his friend again tears forming in the corner off his eyes “Why? Because he slept with his teacher. Because everyone is spreading rumours about him. Have you asked him about it directly? Or did you just assume what everyone said was true.” He almost shouted. He couldn’t help it, something about all of this felt wrong. “I did not…” Chan confessed shocked by the anger on Felix his face and the fierceness in his voice.

“Look let’s just drop this okay. Tomorrow is going to be a big day for you. Your first day, besides you can help us invite the other members for the team.” Felix shook his head “I already helped you find one, and If you do not want him to join maybe I shouldn’t join either.”   
“Felix! Stop! You are new here you don’t know anything. Let Jeongin go, he is not joining the team. I want you to join you are my friend.” Felix looked up straight into his friends’ eyes “Am I though… I remember that the moment you left you never responded to my texts again, you did not only leave Australia, but you left our friendship behind as well.” Chan was shocked by the statement shaking his head “Felix, I …”

“I texted you when I needed you, I texted you when I needed a friend, someone I could trust. Do you know how long I waited for you to respond? 2 months, 2 months I waited for a response and you only responded because my mother asked you too… yeah I know about that.” Felix let out a sigh and stood up “Thank you for the food Hyung!” He never used honourifics with Chan, the two of them grew up together in Australia as friends not in Korea. Before Chan could respond he ran out of the café tears stinging in his eyes.   



	8. Felix & Jisung

**Felix**

Felix had run out from the café without paying attention to his surroundings. He was tired and hurt. This wasn't about Jeongin, this was about himself. Even though he wanted to let it go, he was happy to see his friend again, he was happy they got in touch again. But he was still hurt, Chan wasn't there when he needed him. He knows it is selfish of him, all of this was selfish off him. But he wanted Chan to be there, he wanted Chan and Jeongin to get along even though he didn't know their past. He wanted to stop being alone, to stop being judged to stop feeling dirty. He finally stopped running, he had no idea how long he was running around. His breathing heavy as he placed his hands on his knees, trying to calm down. When he looked around, he had no idea where he was, he wasn't familiar with the campus yet. Could this day get any worse? He groaned moving his hands through his hair he had to calm down and focus. His head was to full. Full of Jeongin and Chan and this wrecked school. And the painting he kept seeing in his head and the mysterious man that created that painting.

After he finally caught his breath, he started walking in a random direction hoping he would find something he would recognise. It was already getting dark outside. He knew he shouldn't have gotten angry at Chan, but he was tired, he knows he didn't know Jeongin but how could Chan, Chan of all people be so mean. He used to be the one that would stand up for the underdog. Who told Felix that rumours are just rumours and you should not pay attention to them until you know the truth? He always stood up for Felix. Jeongin slept with teachers to get into this school. He couldn't believe it. The sweet guy he met this morning, he could not see that sweet face as manipulative and mean. He just kept wandering around, not really looking where he was going getting even more lost. He was tired and just wanted to sleep, He finally decided to just enter one of the buildings and ask there the way back to the dormitory.

As he entered the closest building he looked around, that is when his eyes cached a figure leaving one of the rooms. He started to move in that direction hoping the person could help him. There was something familiar about the figure. He was about to shout out when the realisation hit him. That black silky hair, that figure. His breath caught in his throat, his heart beating in his chest. No why is she here, what is she doing in Korea. Why? Before the woman could turn around, he quickly darted through the first door he saw leading into a staircase. It was like he couldn't see anything anymore; his vision became blurry. He needed air fresh air. But he couldn't go out, what if she was still there. Instead he just started climbing the stairs. Blind in his panic he just went up and up, he just kept going not even knowing how many flights of stairs he went up. Until he finally reached the door at the end of the stairs. Barging through it he breathed in the fresh air. Falling on his back and closing his eyes

His breathing stayed ragged while he laid their eyes close. It must have been his imagination, right? She couldn't be here. He was just tired and so much had happened today. She was just a hallucination because of all the stress of the day. She wasn't real, she could not be here. It was all just in his mind. He let out a shaky breath, when he was finally convinced enough, he opened his eyes staring straight into another face. He screamed and the person screamed as well. Both of them stumbling back a bit "Damn it. this is the second time this has happened today..." Felix groaned as he looked up at the other guy.

"Are you okay? I saw you barge through that door." The guy came a bit closer sitting next to Felix. Felix scanned him for a moment. The guy was good looking. He reminded Felix a bit of a squirrel. "I'm fine... I'm sorry... I had a bad day and got lost on my way home from the dorms." The guy blinked a few times before laughing. "You got lost and ended up on a rooftop?" His laugh was loud but somehow affectionate and Felix couldn't help but laugh with him. Realising how silly he must look. He blushed slightly "Let's just say it's been a rollercoaster of a day."

"Well that makes both of us." the guy said "I lost my phone up here during the day and now I can't find it anymore. It's all Changbin Hyungs fault that I ended up here anyway, and he did not even want to wait for me or go back with me to go get it and now I can't find it. Wait do you have a phone with you?" Felix nodded handing him his phone. What was it with the people in this school being loud and talking a lot? The squirrel guy smiled and quickly dialled his own number. Following the sound of a ringtone. Felix closed his eyes listening to the beat. "Do you like it?" He opened his eyes and saw the guy was holding his phone back in front of his face. He took it and nodded, "We wrote it, me and some friends. It is for the showcase." He gave a big smile. "Come on, I will show you the way back to the dorms." He nodded quickly getting up following the other back down the stairs.

"So, mind telling me why you have such a bad day?" The guy started filling the silence of their walk. Felix turned his head to look at him. On one side he didn't really feel like sharing all his misfortune with a stranger he didn't know. On the other side he was tired of keeping everything inside. He has been keeping everything inside for 3 years. It couldn't be that bad to share something right? "I don't know where to start, I got forced to join this school even though I don't want to, people have high expectations of me that I cannot live up to. I need to make something for the Show Case, and I don't know how to do it, and if I don't, I will let everyone down. To make everything worse I got in a fight with my childhood friend, because I wanted him to be friends with someone I just met. And he won't give the guy another chance. And then there are these lips. These lips that I can't seem to forget" He took a deep breath rubbing his face with his hands. "and if that wasn't enough... I think I just saw a ghost from my past."

The guy next to him whistled and Felix bowed his head in shame slowly feeling himself turn into a tomato. "And now I am telling this all to a guy I just met." The guy just waved his hand in front of Felix his face. "Let's look at this one at a time... Why don't you want to be here?" Felix looked at him amazed at the casual way he was saying all of it. "Because people expect me to do things I can not do anymore?" He said with a question mark. Not really sure how to answer, "Do you still want to do the things you cannot do anymore?" Felix stopped walking and looked at the other in surprise. People have been so curious about him all day, asking about him to satisfy their own curiosity instead of actually caring. This guy didn't really seem to care about the answers, he didn't ask what it was that Felix couldn't do, he just wanted to help him. He had never admitted it before, at least not out loud but... "I do..." The guy turned to him and they stared at each other for a moment before the guy reached up and held Felix his face between his hands. "Then don't give up... that counts for everything. Do not give up. You and your friend will figure things out, keep trying until you can do the things you cannot do. This place isn't as bad as some people make it out to be, just take it day by day. Find some friends and have some fun. And before you know it." He pointed up at the building located behind him with a big grin on his face "You reach your destination."

Felix looked up at the dorm in amazement before turning back to the guy bowing quickly. The guy just grinned "Well I got to go... see you later." Before Felix could thank the guy, he was already gone. An honest smile crept on his lips, Yes, this place was not so bad. He met a lot of great people today and maybe not everything is going the way he wants to; he can fix it. He will figure out what happened with Jeongin, why the people don't like it, he will help and fix it. He will make it work here. Because for the first time in 3 years, he did not feel alone.

As soon as he entered his dorm room, he got jumped on by an excited Jeongin. "Look what arrived, they were here on our beds when I came back." He waved a black envelope with red letters in front of his face. When Felix gave him a confused look. Causing JeongIn to stop jumping. "They are Team invitations. Tomorrow at 9 p.m. dancing room 57. We are invited to join Stray Kids." Jeongin started jumping again. "Who are Stray Kids?" Felix replied confused, Jeongin just shrugged "I don't know they must be a new team. But as the invitations are official which means they have received an okay for the Show Case. This is going to be great." Felix stared at his roommate a smile forming on his face. How could anyone have any negative feelings towards this ball off fluff. He just didn't get it. His phone pinged

**_Channie:_ ** _  
I hope this will make you happy._

**_Lix:_ ** _  
Thank you!_

The guy from before was right. Maybe everything will work out just fine. That reminded him he had the others number. He quickly looked it up and added the number to his phone, while adding the number he realised he never asked the guy's name, so he just added him under a nickname: **_squirrel_**

**_Lix:  
_ ** _Thank you, you were right, things are already looking better._

**_Squirrel_ ** _:  
Right about what? Who are you? What's going on?_

**_Lix_ ** _:  
I am sorry, I was the guy you met on the roof today, my name is Felix_

**_Squirrel_ ** _:  
YOU ARE FELIX?!_

**_Lix_ ** _:  
Yes?  
Seen_

**_Lix_ ** _:  
Why do you ask?  
Seen_

**_Lix_ ** _:  
Do we know each other?  
Seen  
_ ****

**_Lix:_ ** _  
hello?  
Seen  
  
_

**Jisung**

Jisung threw his phone on his bed staring at it in shock. He had met the new guy. Chan's friend. The one everyone was talking about. The one who convinced Chan to invite Jeongin to join their team, even after everything that happened. Changbin really wasn't that happy inviting Jeongin, but when Chan said that that was the only for Felix to join them, and he really wanted Felix to join, Changbin had given in, quicker than either of them expected. He knew Changbin really didn't want to add more people to their team. Then again Changbin wasn't the most social butterfly on campus so it was expected. Chan and Jisung had discussed it before. Having to create a bigger team might have been a blessing in disguise, maybe Changbing would finally make some more friends. 

Jisung had met Felix, Felix from Australia. The guy everyone was talking about, Felix who wanted to paint but couldn't. Felix who told him his struggles.

He heard a knock on his door, Jisung turned his head but before he could move, his roommate already got up excitedly from his bed and went to open up the door, only to return with a grumpy expression as it wasn't his boyfriend but Changbin. "Always a pleasure to see you to Jeonghan." The said guy just waved his hand and laid back down on his bed grabbing his phone again. Changbin shrugged and moved over to Jisung's bed laying down. "What do you think about it, Chan inviting Jeongin to our team just because he wants Felix there? I mean are we just going to randomly add people not considering talent." He gave Changbin a look just as he heard his phone ping again. He quickly dove to grab his phone before Changbin could look at it. Seeing that it was another text from Felix. He quickly unlocked his phone. "I know you are annoyed about it, but we both send an invitation to someone we wanted to join, without considering their talent." Changbin turned around putting his head in Jisung’s pillow. "It's different, we all know those two can dance well, we don't know that about Felix and Jeongin, I mean the last time he had to perform he choked up completely."

**_Lix._ ** _  
Did I do something wrong?_

"Look I am not one to complain, Chan got to invite who he wanted, I got to invite someone I wanted to." This earned a snort from Jeonghan who was still laying on the bed on his phone. Jisung looked at him for a second, making a hand gesture before turning his attention back to his friend "Besides they got invited to the audition to see if they are good enough and if there is chemistry between everyone, Jeongin can still be eliminated there." Changbin shook his head "I just think we should do more general auditions. 3RACHA is well known around campus if we do general auditions, I'm sure there are enough people who would try out. People with a lot of talent" Jisung looked back at his phone opening his messenger app "But then we get random people, I want people to have fun with, this is our final year we should enjoy it. With 3RACHA we always had fun, it was not like doing school work but just hanging out with friends. We agreed that even if we have to get a bigger team, we want to have a team of friends." He looked back at his phone responding to Felix his text.

**_Jisung:_ ** _  
You did nothing wrong; I was just surprised it was you._

**_Jisung:_ ** _  
How about having breakfast together tomorrow morning. I'd like to talk to you some more._

**_Lix._ ** _  
Okay._

**_Jisung:_ ** _  
Coffee Lovers café, meet me there at 8 a.m.  
Seen_


	9. Felix

**Felix**

When his alarm went off that morning Felix was actually awake straight away. Today was his first day of classes, and he was a bit excited. He could spend his entire the entire morning dancing. When he turned his head, he saw that his roommate had already left. Remembering the night before he smiled, he had actually a great night with Jeongin last night. They played games and talked a lot about their life and music. He couldn’t help but wonder why everyone was so against him. Jeongin really was a great guy in his mind. He was cute and funny. Jeongin explained to him that he would go to the conservatorium every morning at 6 to practice his singing. Hence the empty bed in their room. He quickly got up and took a shower. Getting ready for the day. He told Jeongin about getting lost the day before and the younger one made him a little map with all the places he had to go this day, including his first stop; Coffee Lovers Café where he was supposed to have breakfast. 

He arrived at the café just a little before 8 a.m. and already spotted the squirrel guy from the night before sitting at the window. He smiled as he made his way over sitting down in the chair across from him “Now tell me your name?” He spoke as a way of greeting. Because of his low voice it kind of sounded like he was mugging the other. He knew it wasn’t very polite, but then again, the guy never introduced himself last night, not even over text. He didn’t even tell Felix his name. The guy looked up in shock from his phone before grinning.

“Han Jisung, 20 years old, born September the 14th 2000, Virgo, Music major studying to become a lyricist. And you?”

“Lee Yong Bok, better known as Lee Felix, 20 years old, born September 15th, 2000, Virgo, not really sure what my major really is. Not really sure what I want to do with my future.”

The two just stared at each other before laughing. “Nice to meet you Felix.” Jisung began before taking his phone again. “We need to order through our phone, anything you want?” Felix nodded looking at the menu. “Vanilla latte and a chocolate croissant.” Jisung quickly placed the order before putting his phone back down. “So did things get fixed with your friend?” Jisung started.

“Sort off, we haven’t really spoken but he did something nice so I think it will be fine. I will see him today at lunch I think.” As the food arrived Jisung took a huge bite of his sandwich, while Felix slowly started to dissect his chocolate croissant. “Are you ready for your first day?” Felix popped a piece of croissant in his mouth before responding “I can’t wait to start dance class… but its Thursday which means art classes as well, I am not completely sure I am ready for that.” Jisung looked at him for a moment. “I assume you get this question asked a lot, and you don’t have to answer. Beside we only met yesterday, but you already told me a lot so I just wanted to ask, and maybe I could help." He rambled on without really taking a breath." The thing you told me you couldn’t do anymore but you did want to do, its painting isn’t it?" Felix nodded. "Why don’t you paint anymore?” Felix quickly looked away staring at his lap wringing his hands together “It’s a long story, and not something I wish to share with someone I just met.” Jisung nodded. “Well if you ever change your mind you know where to find me.” He smiled. It felt like a relief that Jisung did not push the issue. “The worse thing is that I need to make a painting for the showcase, or else I am going to be kicked out and I don’t even know how I am going to manage that.”

He didn’t know what it was about Jisung, but he felt at ease around him. It was different than with Chan or Jeongin. He had known Chan for such a long time but there was also history, after what happened no matter how much he cared for his friend, he couldn’t go to him with his troubles. Chan wasn’t there for him when he needed him and with Jeongin even though he felt like they could become great friend there was something keeping him distant. But it felt like with Jisung that only after one morning, he already felt his barriers coming down. They were the practically same age and there was just this easy going comfortable vibe between the two of them Felix couldn't really explain. He spends three years creating barriers around him. Barriers that made him lose all his friends, they made it impossible for him to get close to anyone. He did not want to get close to anyone in Australia. He was scared people would find out the truth. Now he was two days in Veltica, he already got three friends and his barriers crumbling, It made him happy, he was tired of being sad and lonely. Maybe coming here wasn’t as bad as he thought it would be. Here no one would know, no one would find out. He could rebuild his life here, start over. They chatted and laughed while finished up their coffee and food.

Jisung decided to walk Felix to his class before he got lost again. The two of them where joking and playing around on their way there. Giving Felix a light feeling almost forgetting about his art classes in the afternoon. Just before they reached the building Jisung suddenly stopped mid-sentence staring at a guy who was sitting on the stairs in front of the building. Felix looked confused between the two as he saw a blush forming on Jisung’s cheeks and realisation hit him. Poking the other in his side. “Who is that?” He couldn’t keep the small tease out of his voice as Jisung gave him a flustered look. “No one… just someone…” Felix turned back to the guy seeing someone familiar approach him. Hyunjin! The two of them talked for a bit before Hyunjin turned to them, waving happily at Felix. He felt Jisung jumping behind him, hiding behind his body as he waved back.

“HEY YONGBOKKIE! Ready for dance class?” Felix groaned at the nickname and turned to Jisung to tell him he was okay now, but he saw the other already running away to the conservatorium. So, the squirrel had a crush on Hyunjin's friend. That was interesting. He grinned as he made his way over to the others.

They slapped their hands together smiling before Hyunjin pointed to the guy next to him. “Yong Bokkie , meet Minho, one of the best dancers in our year, Minho meet Yong Bokkie, the new guy.” The two shook hands. Felix poked Hyunjin in his arm. “What will I have to do for you to stop calling me Yong Bokkie?” Hyunjin just shrugged "I like the name, it's cute." Felix groaned and Minho laughed.

The dance class went great, he really enjoyed himself. He got some compliments about his dancing, and surprised people with his skill which was a good feeling as most people judged him for being there and not at the art building. Hyunjin was supportive saying he got much of the same treatment when he had just entered. People assumed that because they were accepted in the art program that they couldn’t perform like the students from the music program but they would show them wrong. Minho was nice as well, even though he was a bit grumpy. Minho kept an eye on him during the entire class and helping whenever he couldn’t keep up. He could see why Jisung had a crush on him. The man was kind and handsome, and he really was the best dancer in the class.

After class the three of them got changed, it was Hyunjin that spotted the black envelope in his bag. Before Felix could do anything, he already grabbed the envelope “You got one as well… this is great. Maybe the three of us can join the team together then” Felix looked up surprised to Hyunjin and then to Minho, who just nodded. “Do you know who else got one?” Hyunjin asked, it was Minho who responded while zipping up his bag. “I heard someone from the theatre got asked, probably because they need someone from all the departments. Other than that, I don’t really know.” Felix smiled “Jeongin got one as well…” The moment he said the name, he noticed that it was the wrong thing to say. Hyunjin’s expression darkened. Minho cast the other a concerned glance while Felix just stood there confused. “Anything wrong?”

“It’s nothing… forget it lets go grab some lunch okay?” Hyunjin replied curtly grabbing his stuff and leaving the dressing room. Minho shrugged following behind, leaving a confused Felix. He quickly ran after them walking with them to the cafeteria. The subject quickly changed to the dance class and the points Felix had to pay attention to if he wanted to catch up. He kept wondering what was going on, and why was Jeongin at the centre of this all. 


	10. Changbin

**Changbin**

Changbin sat on the stairs of the Conservatorium sipping his coffee, looking at all the people passing by. He had been in his studio since Jisung had kicked him out of his dorm room. He could not sleep well; nightmares of his past hunted his dreams. It is why he normally would leave the campus but as he made a promise to Chan and Jisung that he wouldn’t leave until the Show case was over, he just needed to find other ways to keep himself busy at night. At least he was being productive. He had an appointment with Jisung and Chan to evaluate the members they had invited to join Stray Kids in the morning. They were going to divide the parts and evaluate the strength of the members joining them. He let out a sigh rubbing his eyes, he was tired. He wanted to sleep but the nightmares wouldn’t give him any rest anyway. He knew Chan and Jisung wanted him to make more friends, they believed it would help him, but he just couldn’t be bothered. People would just get up and leave, Friendship barely lasted forever, and he did not need a large number of friends. The drama that was happening between his own friends was enough for him. He cared about the happiness of the few friends he had, everyone else was just extra. It was only a half year anyway. One half year left, and he would leave Veltica and go to America to become a rapper. He had enough to do and fix before that, meeting new people would only make things harder.

A few months ago, a music company got in contact with him. They wanted to sign him on. Not that Jisung or Chan knew about that. They would make a big deal out of it, and even if they would try to be happy for him, they would be disappointed that Changbin had chosen for his own career instead of their joined dream. He planned to fix the troubles his friends where having and make them all happy before quietly disappearing from their sight before graduation. If everything was fixed, then none of them would have time for him anyways. The man that scouted him would be coming over during the show case to evaluate his skill and to discuss his contract. When they first offered the contract, the plan was for him to leave straight away but he couldn’t leave with everything that was going on. He wanted to disappear, and he could only do that when his friends where happy and otherwise occupied. It would be his goodbye gift. He knew that everybody thought he didn’t care, but he did. Not that they should know that. It did not fit with his image. But he broke to much in the past to leave his friends the way they are. Making sure his friends where happy was the way for him to make up for his past mistakes and then he could close this chapter.

He turned his head as he heard a familiar laugh and spotted Jisung making his way over in the directions of the dance studio’s. He couldn’t help but frown when he noticed who his friend was laughing with. Why was Jisung with Felix? How did those two even know each other. It seemed like Felix was everywhere he looked. Last night he had seen the guy running past him tears in his eyes. He had wanted to follow him but in a moment of doubt he lost him. The entire night Felix his face kept popping up in his head. Chan was friends with Felix, Jisung was friends with Felix, it would be soon when he got introduced to him and he wasn’t sure he really wanted to get to know the Australian beauty. He seemed like a distraction and Changbin couldn’t use any distractions now. Not with a music career on the line. No, he should stay away from Felix, keep his distance. He had enough to worry about without adding that distraction.

Suddenly a brown bag was dropped in his lap, looking up he saw a familiar face behind him. His only other friend beside Chan and Jisung. “Hey Hyung. I figured you didn’t have anything to eat yet, so I brought you some food.” Changbin smiled opening the bag and smelling the fresh baked bread. “Thanks, Hyunjin.” The guy dropped down next to him waving the black envelope in his face. “I am assuming this is from you?” Changbin nodded taking a bite of food. “Who else did you invite?”  
“It’s a secret… you will see tonight.” Hyunjin frowned shaking his head. Hyunjin was the only one of his friends who knew about Changing’s past and why he barely slept. The only one who knew that a music company had signed him on and that Changbin was leaving before graduation. He had promised to keep his secret from Chan and Jisung. “Changbin, I know you have something planned because you are leaving soon, and knowing you I am probably not going to like it. Whatever it is. Please be reasonable.” With those words Hyunjin stood up walking over to the dance studios. Changbin stared at his friend going. He was doing this all for him. To fix things for him and Chan. For the people he cared about. No Hyunjin was not going to like it, but it was a necessary evil. Something good so that he did not feel bad about leaving them. For leaving the dream he, Chan and Jisung had together. For leaving Hyunjin alone. Hyunjin who pretended that everything was okay, but Changbin knew better. He knew Hyunjin wasn’t okay.

He cared about his friends. He would fix it before he left Korea, before he left his friends. He watched the interaction happening in front of him, how Hyunjin joined Minho, how Jisung was hiding behind Felix before running away. A grin forming on his lips. Tonight, Jisung would finally get closer to Minho, tonight a part off Hyunjin’s troubles might be fixed and tonight he might finally get to meet Felix. He couldn’t take his eyes of the male watching the other smile and interact with other people. It made him feel like a stalker. “He’s really nice you know.” Changbin jumped up at whisper in his ear dropping his bag, the bread tumbling down the stairs. He stared at it with sadness for a while before punching Jisung in the arm. “You made me drop my breakfast.”

“Well that’s what you get for creepily staring at someone.” Changbin rolled his eyes getting up from where he had been sitting, stretching his arms and legs for a moment. “Creepily staring at someone, mhmm…” He turned to smirk at Jisung who immediately took a step back “I think the person drooling, staring and longing after a guy for almost a year, without even trying to make contact with him. Because he was shy and just now literally ran away from him. Should not have any say in this.” Jisung blushed looking away “It’s different…”  
“Yes, it is, you are in love with him, and actively follow him with your eyes. I was just people watching.” Before Jisung could reply he quickly opened the doors and made his way over to the studio to get some work done. He wasn’t staring at Felix he really was just people watching, there is nothing to be worried about. He wouldn’t get distracted.

Dividing the parts of the music for the showcase was easier than they thought it would be. Chan kept bragging about Felix his low voice and that it was perfect for the killing part, and Jisung kept agreeing with him. It made Changbin want to strangle them both because; one, he wanted to hear that voice and two, now he could not stop picturing the cute face with a deep voice and it was distracting. Tonight, all of this would be over. They would meet, Changbin would get annoyed with him like he got annoyed with most people and this whole infatuation thing that lasted two days to long would end. No more distraction.

When they were finally done with the preparations for the evening, they made their way over to the cafeteria. They only had the morning to do their own thing as they each had their own classes in the afternoon. Classes that would prepare them for the music industry after they graduated. Not that Changbin was graduating, his music career would start only in a few months. His stomach was grumbling the entire way there, because of Jisung he did not get any breakfast and he was starting to feel it. He was also started to get grumpy. Entering the cafeteria, they quickly got in line to get some food. He ordered a burger and some fries. He was so focussed on balancing his tray of food with one hand, stealing fries with his other hand, while trying not to bump into anyone, and making sure that he was following Chan and Jisung that he wasn’t really paying attention to where they were going until he heard Chan speak in English “Oi mate, how is your first day going so far…” He quickly looked up seeing that Chan and Jisung had set themselves on both side of Felix. With Hyunjin and Minho sitting across from him. He almost dropped his tray. Cursing in his mind he quickly moved to sit down across from Jisung and next to Hyunjin who was deep in conversation with Minho about something that happened during dance class. He exchanged a look with Jisung as Chan and Felix chatted on with their heavy Australian accents. They were right, Felix had a very low voice, he could almost feel the vibrations of his voice when he laughed and now that he was this close, he could see that he had freckles as well. Cute. It was Jisung who grinned and saw Changbin looking. He turned to the Aussies and interrupted their conversation “So Felix, have you met Changbin yet.” Felix shook his head and extended his hand “It’s nice to meet you…” Changbin just nodded and continued eating his fries making Felix awkwardly put his hand down. No distractions, he would do what he had to and then he would leave. Felix would be a distraction.

“Don’t mind him” Jisung spoke with a grin on his face. “Changbin just has a bit of trouble with social interaction. It does not fit with his dark Image and all.” With a glare he kicked his friend under the table turning to Hyunjin to ask him about the dance class when he saw the sudden frown on Hyunjin’s face. He turned to see what his friend was looking at, seeing two familiar figured talking to each other he silently cursed. Turning back to see the anger and hurt on his friends face he winced. Okay maybe he made a mistake with his invitations for that evening.

Suddenly he heard chopsticks hitting the floor. He looked up and saw Felix with a shocked face, the guy looked like he saw a ghost. White except the colour under those beautiful freckles that slowly started to turn pink. “I… uhm… sorry… I have to go.” Felix quickly spoke before grabbing his bag of the floor and running out of the cafeteria. Everyone at the table was silent for a moment before Jisung kicked his legs. “See what you did there, because you were rude our cute little Lixie ran away. How difficult can it be to shake his hand?” As he looked around the table, he saw Minho and Chan staring at the entrance of the cafeteria through which Felix had disappeared, Minho in shock and Chan with a worried expression. Hyunjin was shaking his head and Jisung was glaring at him. Changbin dropped his fries suddenly not hungry anymore. Well at least now the beautiful freckled boy wouldn’t be a distraction anymore, he through with a bit of regret.

————————————————————————————

__


	11. Felix&Jeongin

**Felix** ****

He knew he and Chan needed to talk about what happened the day before and he was very nervous he would run into the other. He had planned to have lunch with Jeongin but when he had texted him Jeongin had said he would be late and just grab something on the go, that’s how he ended up sitting with Hyunjin and Minho. It was nice, just sitting there chatting. Getting to know the two of them. Even though it was only his second day. He felt like he was already becoming part of a group. Maybe that is what being in a team was about, not being left out but everyone feeling like a part of some kind of group. “And there is the big 3RACHA, who so graciously invited us to join their team.” Hyunjin spoke with a sarcastic voice The three of them turned their head at the same time to see three man walking into the cafeteria. Felix spotted Chan; wait was that Jisung. Jisung didn’t mention that he had known Chan, then again neither had Felix. That might have explained how Jisung knew who he was when he said his name. Chan might have mentioned him before. He looked at the third guy that was with them. He was short and dressed in complete black, something about him looked very familiar to him.

He turned to ask the others who the third guy was when he noticed Hyunjin poking Minho teasingly and Minho’s face growing darker as a result. He tilted his head in question. Hyunjin grinned leaning forward whispering “Minho might have a little…” He couldn’t finish that sentence as Minho smacked him on the head, making him loose his balance and almost fall over the table. Felix laughed while Hyunjin just let out a whining sound. Minho leaned in and darkly whispered into Hyunjin’s ear. “Minho might give you a little concussion if you keep that up.” Felix had almost forgotten about his nervousness about seeing Chan again until he suddenly felt a tab on his shoulder “Oi mate, how is your first day going so far…” He looked up and saw Chan standing beside him. Swallowing slightly before moving his hands under the table wringing them together. “It went well, I am really enjoying the dance classes and the people are really nice.” He nodded towards Hyunjin and Minho. Chan moved in the seat next to him putting a hand on his under the table, making him stop his nervous tick. When he looked up at Chan’s face, the older gave him an encouraging smile. “It’s fine… we are okay, right?” Felix nodded smiling back. Yes, they were okay. There might have been some unresolved issues, but they would fix them, together. What happened in the past should stay in the past and he couldn’t really blame Chan anyways. He had been in a different country. He needed to leave the past behind, all of it, even though it would be hard. Like his mother had said, Veltica was a new beginning.

“I am not sure yet if I am ready for the art classes... but atleast I already have a friend who will join me so that makes it a little better. He nodded towards Hyunjin and Minho who had quickly changed the subject to dance again when the others joined them and that’s when he saw the dark short guy sitting down next to Hyunjin. He blushed slightly, trying to focus back on Chan and not stare at him. “I still can’t believe I’m here and that we are going to school together. This cafeteria is so much better than the ones we have in Australia. Do you remember the lunches we used to have back at home?” Chan laughed and nodded. “I remember us trading lunched almost every day because your mom would make strange things and you could never eat them.” Felix laughed at the memory “Or us not being able to eat in the cafeteria for a while because you spilled a milkshake in the hair of that girl you had a crush on.” Chan blushed shaking his head “That was an embarrassing time.” The two of them laughed when Jisung suddenly brought them back from memory lane.

“So, Felix, have you met Changbin yet.” Jisung said while pointing at the guy across from him. He shook his head, trying not to blush and extended his hand “It’s nice to meet you…” Changbin just nodded and continued eating his fries making Felix swallowed putting his hand back down. He felt like the other just brushed him off. Did he do something wrong. He turned to Chan who just shrugged.

“Don’t mind him” Jisung spoke with a grin on his face. “Changbin just has a bit of trouble with social interaction. It does not fit well with his dark Image and all.” Felix nodded still looking at the other when Jisung suddenly jumped up beside him glaring at Changbin. Felix grabbed his chopsticks again popping a rice cake in his mouth. Why did this guy look so familiar? He had the same feeling when he saw Changbin yesterday. He couldn’t really put his finger on it. Had he done something to the guy in the past and that is why the other just brushed him off, no it could have been nothing like that. He never met the guy before. So, what was it? Changbin looked down his cap almost covering his entire face except for the... LIPS! The guy that scared the Aussie out of him the night he arrived at Veltica. He made him drop his suitcase down the stairs. The guy who was the owner off the lips he could not stop thinking about. The guy that made him think of a painting, a painting he wanted to put on a canvas. The guy who almost made him want to paint again. He dropped his chopsticks standing up from the table making everyone look at him. Making Changbin look at him. A blush crept up on his cheeks. “I… uhm… sorry… I have to go.” He spoke quickly before grabbing his bag of the floor running out of the cafeteria.

**Jeongin** ****

He had spotted them all sitting at a table when he had first entered the cafeteria. He knew that if Felix would spot him, he would try to invite him over but seeing the people at the table he knew it would be better for him to keep his distance and disappear as soon as possible. Why did Felix have to become friend with all of them. It hurt him to see them. He used to be friends with them. They used to care about him but with everything that happened. With all the misunderstandings. He let out a sigh as he paid for his ramen. “Jeonginnie…” He looked up and saw the only person besides Felix that was actually nice to him, the only person that had listened to him, and let him explain what happened, approach him. “Seungmin Hyung!” He smiled and waved before grabbing his noodles.

“Ahh Jeonginnie would you like to join me for lunch?” The older spoke as he smiled and ruffled Jeongin’s hair. Seungmin had lost most of their friends at the same time as Jeongin did, the only difference was, for Seungmin the friendships just ended, while for Jeongin the torture began. He wondered if Seungmin ever blamed him for what had happened, he must blame Jeongin for so much, but if he ever did, he never showed it. Jeongin was sure that deep down Seungmin resented him, he was just to kind to say anything and let Jeongin be completely alone. Jeongin smiled but shook his head. “I am good, thank you Hyung. I just wanted to grab something really quick, I have a private lesson after this. I finally got invited to join a team.” Seungmin frowned, grabbing a black envelope from his own bag. “Stray kids?” Jeongin widened his eyes and nodded. “Look Jeongin, I know how excited you are but maybe it’s better if you don’t come tonight. It can’t be a coincidence that we both got an invitation.” He turned his head to look at the table. Jeongin turned as well, as he did, he looked straight into Hyunjin’s piercing eyes and his face did not look friendly. He shook his head “If it’s a real invitation or not. I should go. Maybe we can resolve the issues we have.” He gave a small attempt at a smile and Seungmin just shook his head. “Look I know you still want things to be fixed but most of the damage is done and…” He was only listening with half an ear as he suddenly saw Felix get up from the table and running out of the cafeteria. “Seungmin Hyung I’ll see you later.” He almost shouted as he put his noodles down and ran after him.

Something happened, He saw Felix his face as he had run out of the cafeteria and it looked distraught. Felix had been nice to him. He had not been affected by the way other people treated him he was just nice person and now something was wrong. ‘ _Damn that boy was fast’_ Jeongin thought as he looked around him. Trying to see where he went. He wandered around a little before finally spotting Felix sitting under a tree his face in his hands. He quietly moved over, sitting down next to him in the grass “Hey Felix.” The guy looked up at him for a moment trying to smile but Jeongin saw he couldn’t “Are you okay?” Felix let out a sigh falling back in the grass his eyes closed. Jeongin couldn’t help but think that the male was beautiful like this. He grabbed his phone and secretly took a picture smiling at it. Almost dropping his phone as Felix spoke again. “Have you ever wanted to do something, knowing you can do it…. But you just can’t.” Felix opened his eyes staring up at the sky “I know what I say is confusing but...” Jeongin shook his head “It’s not… I know exactly what you mean.” He sighed and laid down next to Felix.

“Can I tell you a secret?” He almost whispered the words, he wanted to feel closer to Felix, there was something about him that made him want to be friends, and all friendships started with honesty. He learned that the hard way.

“I was accepted because of my singing but during my first showcase I choked up, something happened just before and then I just couldn’t sing with all those people staring at me and I just, nothing came out, everyone started laughing at me.” He felt the sadness coming over him at the memory closing his eyes. “It gave me stage fright. I leave early every morning to practice with the one person who actually cares about me, he is from the theatre program and he lets me stand on stage and sing. Hoping it can solve my stage issues and giving me the possibility to stay here. I want to sing, I know I can sing… but when I am standing on stage, I just can’t do it anymore, but that doesn’t mean I have given up on it. A lot of things happened but I haven’t given up… and I don’t think that as long as I have a chance I ever will.” He opened his eyes again turning his head to look at Felix who just stared at him. “You know Jeonginnie, you are actually very wise and amazing. Thank you.” Jeongin smiled at the nickname and the compliment. “We should get to class…”

Felix groaned falling back down. “Right… art class... here I come.” Jeongin got up dusting himself off before extending a hand, Felix took it gratefully and lifted himself up. “How about having dinner together tonight. I could really go for some Korean BBQ.” Jeongin smiled at the invitation, it had been so long since anyone invited him to have Korean BBQ. “That sounds great.”

——————————————————————————————

**_Finally, Seungmin enters the building, and some Jeongin point of view._ **

**_So, what are you more curious about, what happened between Jeongin and the guys?_ **

**_Or what happened to Felix that made him stop painting?_ **


	12. Felix & Changbin

**Felix**

Felix took a deep breath as he reached out to open the door. It’s just art class, he will be fine. Like Jeongin said before. He has to keep trying. If he keeps trying, then maybe he will be fine. He took one last deep breath as he opened the door walking into the classroom. He looked around in surprise. Even though the room was huge there where only about 6 seats taken. “Felix, over here.” He quickly made his way over to Hyunjin. Taking the seat next to him. Hyunjin gave him a worried glance “Are you okay?” Felix nodded brushing him off. “It was nothing, I just realised something, but everything is okay now.” Hyunjin gave him a sceptical look so he quickly changed the subject before he could ask more “Where are all the students?” Hyunjin just shrugged. “I think two or three are working on their art pieces for the showcase, but this is it. Like I said before there are not that many people in the art program. Including you we are with 11 art students in this year. If the team meeting goes well, we won’t have much time to go to class either, working on our own projects is more important.” Felix looked at him in surprise realising why the director pushed to have him enrolled and why they were so easy to accept him having a double major. “Why are there so few though? I thought this school was famous for its art and music” Hyunjin took out his notepad and a pencil as the teacher entered the room. Quickly grabbed his own stuff out of his bag “Nowadays, the school is becoming more and more famous for its music students, most art students feel left behind, there are art schools that focus just on art, they might not be as famous as Veltica but at least they get more attention there. So, if they get an offer to go there, they usually just go, many art students get stolen away from the school during showcases.” Felix just nodded turning to the front as the teacher cleared his throat.

“Welcome students, and also welcome to our newest student. Hyunjin as you are already the best of friends you can make sure he catches up with the rest of the class.” The teacher spoke with a sarcastic voice and for some reason Felix liked him straight away. “Open your art history books, page 354. We will start today off with the architecture of the Rococo period.” Hyunjin leaned over whispering in Felix his ear. “Most of the classes we have from Mr Lee are history classes, we don’t actually have to make anything, just listen and maybe some strange homework. But he is cool.”

To his surprise, Felix actually enjoyed this class a lot. Mr. Lee had a nice way of making the class interesting by both using humour and sarcasm. The only bad thing about the class was that he kept imagining Changbin in his head. Now that he was actually introduced to the guy, he couldn’t stop seeing that painting. His fingers itching. The last time this happened was three months ago and he had gotten drunk and created the painting that brought him to this place. That time he created a painting that only brought him pain, now it was happening again. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw it again and again, that painting, the moonlight, those lips, Changbin.

Their homework for the next class would be to make a collage drawing of architecture in the Rococo time. Even though he was unsure about drawing, he was excited about the homework. It seemed an interesting and fun assignment, it seemed like he was the only one that thought that as all the other students in the class groaned. When the class was over, he and Hyunjin said goodbye, knowing that they would see each other again in the evening by the first team meeting of Stray kids. After class Felix met Jeongin in their dorm room before going to the BBQ restaurant on campus. They had a good time together, Jeongin supported him and he enjoyed talking to the other. He kept wanting to ask about what happened to the younger, but he also did not want to ruin the nice evening they were having. Dinner flew by and before they knew it was time to go to dance room 57.

When they arrived at the dance room, they could hear the voices coming through the door, the two of them entered the room and everyone suddenly became quiet. Chan walked up to them smiling giving Felix a big hug. “Take a seat or do some warmup exercises, we are only waiting for one more person.” He nodded walking with Jeongin to the side of the room, Jeongin immediately sat down on the floor staring at the floorboards, Felix in turn started to do his usual stretches before dance class. During his stretches he glanced around the room. Chan had moved back to Jisung and Changbin who seemed to be discussing something. Felix stared at Changbin for a while as the painting started appearing in his head again. The other didn’t look up to him or greet him at all. It was like Felix didn’t exist for him. He let out a sigh. He really wanted to get to know Changbin. Something pulled him towards the boy clad in black. And the painting that kept appearing. Why did it keep happening? He never struggled this much. In the past he would immediately put it down on a canvas to get rid of any painting he imagined. After the incident whenever a painting popped in his head again, he would just ignore it and it would go away eventually, but this time the painting kept appearing more frequently in his head, it was persistent, and he couldn’t just ignore it. He needed to get rid of it.

He spotted Hyunjin and Minho warming up on the other side of the room. Jeongin wiggled uncomfortable beside him. All the nice people Felix had met in his first days were in this room. It made him excited for the team meetings and the show case. Yes, he enjoyed this team. He enjoyed the people and he knew it was all going to be fun, even if there were some issues between the members, he was sure they could resolve it and have a great time preparing for the showcase. He just felt it in his bones and his bones where usually right. He was getting a bit more confident that all the strange vibes were just a fluke, and everything would be fixed and happy soon. That was until the door opened and an unfamiliar guy stood there. Jeongin jumped up beside him, but before the younger could move he already heard a scream from the other side of the room.

“Changbin what the fuck is he doing here, did you have to invite both of them. Is this your big plan of fixing things before you fuck off? That’s it… I am out!”

**Changbin**

He had been nervous all day as to how this evening would go. Now he was sitting nervously staring around the room. Not that he would show it, as Jisung always said; ‘ _He had to keep up his dark image.’_ He was always been bad at making friends, but even though there was a lot of competition at the school the school also had a system that would make it easy for people to become close. In the beginning he hated it, he just hated people in general. They were always quick to judge, and quick to bully. His own past was proof enough that sometimes it was better to stay away from people. Beside human interacting would always result into drama. That is until he met them. Hyunjin was the first person he met when he had arrived at Veltica and they got along so well. The two of them had gone to the same high school but, never really interacted until Veltica brought them together by accident. He had met Jisung and Chan in music class and together they founded 3RACHA, The three of them introduced them him to Lia and Chaeryeong and then Jeongin. He had adored the younger they all did. He thought that this school had been different, that the system of creating teams worked. That he would actually make friends and people wouldn’t be judged for their mistakes, future or past, and they would all work together to fix any future problems. Like one big happy family. He was wrong, this school was the same as any other school and the nice group of friends he had quickly fell apart completely. Hyunjin and Changbin remained close friends, and 3RACHA stayed together, but the others went their own way. If it wasn’t for himself, he doubted that Hyunjin or Chan would ever interact again. The only one who seemed unbothered is Jisung. But even Jisung took a step back from some of his friendship.

He was going over the details with Chan and Jisung when the door opened for the second time. Hyunjin and Minho had already entered, and Chan told them to warm up their bodies for dancing. So, this means… Felix. He immediately looked away again. No time for distractions. He did good by pushing the other away now he just had to keep that up. He had to fix so much before he left. Then again Jeongin entering their team had not been a part of his original plan. He glared at Chan, it’s all his fault. His and Felix’s fault, Felix with the cute freckles was to blame that his plan was not going the way he wanted to. It was the moment he finally looked up at the Australian that the door opened once again. Before he could turn his head to see who it was, he could already hear Hyunjin’s screeching.

“Changbin what the fuck is he doing here, did you have to invite both of them. Is this your big plan of fixing things before you fuck off? That’s it… I am out!” He quickly got up and grabbed his friend arm. Whispering softly in the others ear “Look, I didn’t want it to happen like this but maybe we can finally resolve some issues, you are can’t keep avoiding each other it makes you both unhappy, maybe if you would just talk…” Hyunjin just turned to glare at him “Don’t act like your heart suddenly started beating again, it’s still as black as it has always been. We are friends because I accepted that part of you, but do you just want to see me suffer. Is this some elaborate plan for me to hate you before you go? The one hurting me is you, but then again you do have a lot of experience hurting people don’t you” Changbin recoiled like he was punched in the face. Hyunjin had never spoken like that to him. He had accepted Changbin’s past and told him he was a better person now. He had told Hyunjin the truth about himself, the part of himself he was ashamed off, he didn’t expect his friend to punch him in the face with it. Hyunjin shook his arm loose and left the room pushing past Seungmin who was still standing in the door opening away. Changbin and Seungmin exchanged a glance.

“What did he mean with _‘before you go?’_ ” Jisung’s whispered softly, only audible because no one else in the room moved or made a sound. Changbin could hear the confusion in Jisung’s voice but he did not want to turn around to face him. He shook his head before letting out a sigh running out of the room following after Hyunjin. The comment had hurt but Hyunjin was not getting out of this so easily.

**Felix**

Felix wiggled a little on his feet, wringing his hands together as he looked around the tense atmosphere. Hyunjin and Changbin had both ran out and Felix was confused. Something in him made him want to run after Changbin but he couldn’t.Jeongin moved past him and took Seungmin’s hand giving him an encouraging smile. Felix turned around to look at Chan for an explanation, but Chan was frowning deeply at the door opening, deep in thought. It was Jisung who eventually cleared his throat breaking the awkward silence in the room. “Well… that was awkward. While Changbin is taking care of Hyunjin let’s get on with the program shall we.” Felix could still hear the small tremble in the others voice. _‘Before you go…’_ did that mean that Changbin was leaving. He exchanged a glance with Jisung who seemed to have the same thing on his mind, but he did manage to snap everyone out of their daze. All the heads turned to Jisung who nodded at Chan. Chan took in a visible breath before turning to the remaining people in the room “As most of you know, Changbin, Jisung and I formed the group 3RACHA in our first year, for the past 2,5 years we have performed together. Changbin as one of the most promising rappers of his age, Jisung as an amazing lyricist, rapper and singer and me making the tracks. The teachers told us to change things this year, to spice things up a bit and get out of our comfort zone. That is why we tried to bring together a group of… friends...” He looked at Jeongin for a moment who only stared at the floor. “This is our last half year before we need to enter the real world, we want to have fun with this showcase and show a new side of us. But at the same time, we want to win the showcase that is why even though we brought together a group of well-matched people” Jisung coughs at that but Chan ignored it “You will still have to audition.” He nodded towards Jisung who handed each of them a paper.

“We prepared a few songs for the showcase; this is one of them.” Jisung continued “The parts have been equally divided. You have a week to prepare your part.” Jisung stopped in front of Minho handing him the paper slowly. “We also ask you, Felix and Hyunjin, if he still wants to join, to create a choreography for us. We know you are one of the best dancers in your year so we are sure you can do it.” Jisung spoke those last words directly at Minho causing both of them to blush. Chan quickly interrupted the returning awkward silence “We wanted to start practicing right away but as Changbin is not here, let’s do one on one sessions tomorrow to practice your parts. Tomorrow is a free study day anyways and it will be weekend after that. We will send you the track so make sure you listen to it and practice” Chan continued looking at each of them. “As 3RACHA mostly consists of rappers, we decided to enter two new vocals.” He nodded towards Seungmin and Jeongin, still standing by the door opening hand in hand. “And three dancers.” He pointed at Minho and Felix. “We hope we can form a team with the eight of us, so don’t let us down.” With those last words they were all dismissed. Seungmin and Jeongin leaving together first then Minho. Felix looked back at Chan and Jisung but, the two of them seemed to be in a serious discussing, so he quickly left on his own.

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**_As we are getting closer to one mystery (what happened to Jeongin) a new mystery arises,_ **

**_What are Changbin’s issues and why is his heart black?_ **

**_Also, the chapters might get some more darker themes from now on. On top of the chapter I will place a trigger warning with a keyword such as; trauma, rape, bullying, abuse. That way you can decide if you want to continue reading or not._ **


	13. Felix & Changbin

**Felix**

Felix was wandering around the campus, enjoying the evening breeze. It was already getting colder out, but he did not feel like going back to the dorms yet. There was so much confusion going on in his head. The happy feeling, he had when he first saw the team together quickly evaporated. The whole issue with Jeongin spread further than he thought and for some reason all the stray kids’ members seem to be involved. Including the guy that had entered last, _‘Seungmin’_ Jeongin had called him. Why did Hyunjin get so angry and walk out. Why did he say Changbin had a black heart? Why was Changbin trying to resolve issues Hyunjin had? Was Changbin leaving? He groaned ruffling his hair. Why was everything so confusing and frustrating. Was it always that difficult to have friends? He thought back but couldn’t remember. He had been alone for three years. Then there was Changbin. Changbin who wanted nothing to do with him, Changbin who he was infatuated with. Changbin who made him want to make a painting again. A ping of his phone brought him back to earth. Taking the device from his pocket he saw a message from Chan.

**Channie:**

_Listen to the track and take a look at your lines, we will practice together tomorrow morning 9a.m. Music studio 647._

_Attachment: God’s Menu, track_

Felix quickly downloaded the track before putting his phone away. He wanted a quiet place to listen to the song, but he didn’t want to go back to his dorm room. Wait! There was another place he could go. He smiled as he started walking again, this time with a goal in mind. He entered the building and quickly moved up the stairs. There were more stairs then he could remember and when he finally reached the rooftop he was completely out of breath. He moved to the edge and sat down his back against the fence as he tried to catch his breath. A part of him expected Jisung to be there, maybe just because the guy had been there the last time he was on the rooftop. He took his phone out of his pocket again, putting the earbuds in and started listening to the track. It was definitely impressive. Chan really did make amazing music. After listening to it once, he grabbed the paper Jisung handed to him reading his own lines out loud. Jisung had made a little note next to it. _‘Your low voice will be perfect for the killing part of the song. Good luck’_ Felix smiled. There weren’t that many lines, but already more than he had expected. He wasn’t a singer or a rapper. In the past he sometimes practiced some rapping with Chan, so he knew some of the technique, but he was never good enough at it to make it into anything more. He closed his eyes, listening to the track again this time softly rapping his lined out loud.

Like every single time he took a moment and closed his eyes, the painting of Changbin appeared again, though in his mind the painting had changed a bit. It wasn’t placed by a window anymore but in an open field with the moon and stars shining, a figure in a field of grass, a tree in the background and moonlight shining behind him engulfing the figure in darkness, only those lips are visible.

“Do you like it?” Felix opened his eyes still lost in his own thought as he stared at the face before him. “Yes, I like them a lot.” He spoke the words before he could stop himself and then realisation hit him. He was staring straight into the face of Changbin himself. He felt the redness creeping up his face, his ears warm, eyed widening as he stuttered. “I mean I like it… the track… Yes, I like the track.” Changbin just chuckled sitting down next to him. “Chan is a genius when it comes to making music and Jisung is an amazing lyricist.” Felix nodded awkwardly shuffling a bit in his spot next to the other. Why of all people did he have to appear? Why now and why did he say that. He turned his head slightly looking at Changbin’s side profile, his muse. No wait he shouldn’t think that. Changbin was not his muse. Changbin didn’t even want anything to do with him, the man would be horrified if he found out Felix daydreamt about making a painting with him as the main subject. But if he didn’t want anything to do with Felix, then why was he here now, sitting next to him on the cold rooftop. He turned his head to Changbin noticing that the male had his eyes closed and was frowning, looking stressed. “Is Hyunjin okay?” Felix almost whispered the words. The last time he had spoken to Changbin he had brushed him off, but he was worried about his friend. Changbin opened his eyes again and let out a sigh “I don’t know, I couldn’t find him, and he turned off his phone.” Felix couldn’t help but stare at him, it’s not like Changbin noticed he was staring. “It must be confusing for you; you’ve only been here for two days and you’re already in the middle of all this drama.” Felix just shrugged finally taking his attention away from the other and looking up at the sky. He could see so many stars. They reminded him off home. “I just wish I could understand it, everyone has been nice to me, why are there so many problems?” His comment was met with silence, but Felix was okay with it. Sitting next to Changbin did not make him feel awkward, it was peaceful for some reason.

It took a while before Changbin finally started speaking again. “Hyunjin was the first friend I made here, we used to go to the same high school, but we never interacted there, we usually hung out with different crowds. Coming to Veltica it was different, it was nice to be around a familiar face. It made you feel less alone. We actually became good friends as soon as we got to know each other better. Soon after I entered the music producing classes, I met Jisung and Chan and we formed 3RACHA, I introduced them to Hyunjin, and everyone got along great. Hyunjin got himself a boyfriend and his boyfriend brought two more friends to the group. Two girls from the theatre program, they brought some peace and quiet into the chaos we used to create.” Changbin chuckled, but it sounded sad in Felix his ears. “Then Jeongin came. We all adored him and took care of him. Some adored him a little too much.” Changbin swallowed looking at Felix for a moment before looking away again. “Hyunjin was having troubles and struggled a lot, his boyfriend couldn’t take it anymore and gave Hyunjin and ultimatum, which he did not meet, and they broke up. In his sadness Hyunjin went to Jeongin, who was his roommate at the time and things happened that night… Something inside Hyunjin broke that night. He lost both his boyfriend and someone he cared deeply about. I think more than anything it hurt him that his ex-boyfriend and Jeongin are still friends. He doesn’t understand it”

“Seungmin…” Felix whispered, knowing that that was the only other person Jeongin still spoke with. Changbin nodded. “It hurts Hyunjin knowing those two are still friends while he lost them both. I hoped bringing Hyunjin and Seungmin together might fix some broken part between them again. Hyunjin has been sad ever since all of it happened. Then Jeongin joined as well and my plan to get them to speak again failed” Felix frowned for a moment. “Is that why people are bullying Jeongin and avoiding him?”

Changbin nodded “It is one of the reasons. All of this happened the week before the first show case and well, after the show case some pictures where distributed around school.” Felix thought back at the conversation he had with Jeongin the day before. The words he had spoken; _‘_ _during my first showcase I choked up, something happened just before and then I just couldn’t sing’_ _He_ was scared to ask but he felt like this was his one chance to finally learn the truth. “What pictures?” Changbin shook his head. “Pictures of him with a female teacher. They said he seduced the teacher, that is how he got into the school, that is why he is still in the school. More and more rumours started spreading about Jeongin, He got into a fight with Hyunjin, who felt betrayed by Jeongin. Lia and Chaeryeong didn’t want to hang out with us anymore, and that was all before we found out about Chan…” At the name of his friend Felis his head popped up. “What about Chan?” Changbin just shook his head in responds “Let’s just say he took all of it very hard and closed himself off for a while. Locking himself in a music room. I have never seen him look that hurt. Nobody really knows what happened between Chan and Jeongin but whatever it was it wasn’t good.” Changbin let out a sigh. “The rumours kept spreading, we fell apart and Jeongin was the one that got the blame.” Felix set his hand down on the ground realising his fingers where brushing Changbin’s “Did you ask Jeongin if the rumours are true?” Changbin turned his head surprised, looking straight into Felix his eyes. “I don’t think at that point anyone cared enough about Jeongin to ask… the damage was already done, and everyone was so wrapped up in their own problems.” Changbin’s voice trailed off in a whisper. Felix turned his head whispering in return “Maybe, if you want to fix this, you should… ask.”

Felix realised this was the first time the two of them where actually looking at each other. Yes, he had stolen glances of Changbin but now they were really looking at each other, he could really see him, the shape of his eyes, his nose, and those lips. Those lips that kept appearing in his head again and again. Maybe if he tasted them, maybe the painting would disappear. It was Changbin who closed his eyes first, who leaned in first, who pressed his lips against Felix first. Felix closed his eyes softly returning the kiss. He leaned in further when he felt Changbin’s hand on his cheek. Parting his lips slightly to deepen the kiss. Feeling Changbin’s tongue against his own, he finally let go of the stress, all his thoughts, everything that gave him a headache he just let it go as he just drowned himself in Changbin’s kiss.

_Paint splatter everywhere, his back colliding with a canvas, ruining it “Be a good boy now Felix, this will feel good I promise.” He was scared and shaking his head feeling dizzy. He didn’t want this. Please make it stop. “Just be a good boy now.”_

Felix pushed Changbin away, breaking the kiss. The memory he tried to forget playing in his head again and again. _“Be a good boy now Felix.”_ He heard the voice again. He looked up seeing Changbin stare at him in shock. Covering his mouth with his hand, he felt like he couldn’t breathe. Changbin leaned forward reaching out a hand “Are you okay?” But he couldn’t, he was so embarrassed, he had kissed Changbin and then pushed him away, his breathing was heavy, and he could feel panic seeping through the core of his body. _“Good boy.”_ He had to get out of here, he needed to get away from Changbin. I’m sorry.” He quickly got up running down the stairs, trying to get as far away from that rooftop as possible. He heard the other scream after him, but he couldn’t turn around, he couldn’t stop, he had to go. He ran till he reached the dorms. Quickly entering his room, stripping out of all his clothes and entering in the shower. He could feel the scalding hot water burning his skin. His fist colliding with the shower wall. Why could she not just leave him alone, why could he not forget. Why did this keep happening. What would Changbin think of him. He hit the wall again and again until his fist was hurting then he finally turned off the shower, when he walked into the room, he looked around for the first time, noticing that Jeongin wasn’t there. He let out a sigh, quietly moving into bed, he stared up at the ceiling for a long time, tears sliding down his cheeks. This was the fresh start he wanted and needed but why did his past keep haunting him.

**Changbin**

Changbin sat with his back against the fence, his eyes closed. What just happened. He let out a sigh. He came to the rooftop to clear his head after he couldn’t find Hyunjin, not expecting Felix to be there. His first thought the moment he had spotted the beautiful male sitting there under the night sky was to turn around and get out of there, but he couldn’t something about the male pulled him in. Maybe because he was still fragile from the comment Hyunjin had made, or maybe because he just wanted to be around the guy. Changbin moved closer and ended up sitting next to him. He had told Felix everything what was going on, partly because he deserved the to know what he was getting into, and partly because Changbin needed someone to talk to. The whole thing had been bothering him for so long. He wanted to fix this, fix them before he left. He had done so much damage in his life, so much he couldn’t fix, the least he could do was try and fix the friendships that had been broken this year. Make sure his friends had each other when he was gone. He had told Felix everything and then he kissed him, it just happened he couldn’t stop himself. After what happened that year Changbin had made a vow to himself that he would never get involved with anyone in their friend group, it only caused drama. Felix definitely belonged in the category of being part of their friend group, it had only been two days and he was already close to everyone. The guy was a magnet for all of his friends, yet he couldn’t help himself. He had been so close to those beautiful freckles; he had seen Felix staring at his lips. He just had to taste them; he had closed the distance before he could stop himself. The moment he felt those soft lips on his own he did not want it to end. He wanted more, he wanted more now. He had never wanted a guy this much; he had never wanted a guy at all. But Felix… he was something else. 

That was until Felix had pushed him away, that look in his eyes, like he was scared. Of him? No Felix wasn’t looking at him. For a moment it seemed like Felix didn’t even see him anymore. The way he apologised, the break in his voice. Changbin let out a sigh opening his eyes to look up at the night sky “Felix…” He whispered the name and he knew it was too late. He would not be able to keep his distance from this guy. Felix could mess everything up. Now he had someone else he wanted to fix, and he was running out of time.

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❣ **_Author Note_ ** ❣

**_So, the reason why they all don’t like Jeongin has been revealed._ **

**_And Felix and Changbin had their first kiss._ **


	14. Felix & Changbin

**Felix**

**_*This chapter may contain content that is triggering if you are sensitive to any of the triggers mentioned at description of this story, I advise you to not read any further. *_ **

He couldn’t help it he just kept tossing and turning in his bed. When Jeongin had entered the room, he pretended to be asleep but now that he heard the others heavy breathing, he had opened his eyes again. Changbin, the painting, Jeongin, Chan, Hyunjin, that woman. He groaned; everything was too much. His head felt like it was going to explode. He sat up in bed ruffling his hair. Turning his head to look out through the small slit in the curtain. He needed to clear his head, needed to get something out of there or he would go insane. Quietly he grabbed some pants and a shirt putting them on before making his way out of the dorm. The campus was quiet at night, the cold wind stroking his face. He walked around aimlessly for a while but even the cold night did nothing to clear his head. He made up his mind and walked the campus road, down to the art building. Opening the door to his studio and turning on the lights. He walked straight up to the cabinet, before he could change his mind, grabbing some of the paint and supplies.

He let out a sigh as he sat back down on the floor. The supplies scattered around him. The same place he had been sitting just the day before, staring at the same white canvas. His hands shaking as he grabbed one of the brushes. _“You are such a good boy Felix, see it’s not that bad. You are a good and strong boy.”_ Tears stung his eyes. The words made him sick. He was not a good boy, things like that did not happen to good boys. He was not a strong boy; strong boys would have stopped it from happening. He was bad and weak. He was tired. Tired of fighting. Why did he keep fighting? Art used to be his way of expressing himself and she took that away from him. No not just her, everyone did. They took it away from him when they did not believe him, when they brushed his troubles away. When they made fun of him. He grabbed a tube of dark paint, opening it. The smell made him sick. Tears stinging his eyes as he looked at the white canvas. He was angry. Angry at the people who abandoned him, angry at the people who did not believe him. Angry at the people who forced him to come here and deal with everything he just wanted to forget. _“You are a good boy Felix, no one will have to know.”_ But they did know, and they didn’t care. They only cared when he couldn’t paint anymore. He was weak, nothing had happened to him, because it could not happen to boys. _“See you are enjoying it.”_ Felix punched the floor again and again until the pain of his hand won from the pain in his head. He looked at his knuckles the skin broken drops of red dripping down on the floor. He did not enjoy it. Nobody gave him a chance, no one looked out for him, just like the people here did not give Jeongin a chance. But Jeongin did not give up. He still got up every morning and tries again and again. He should not give up either. He should not give up on what he loved. He gave it up for three years and it never did him any good. He would fight for it. He could still see the paintings in his head. She would not win. He was not broken. He could still the glue the cracks. Even if no one believed him, he could still fight.

He grabbed the black paint and a brush. Using his bruised hand, he wiped away the tears from his eyes leaving a trace of blood on his cheeks. The moment his brush hit the canvas everything around him stopped, the dark sky, the field, the figure with moon shining on his lips. The paint found its own spot on the canvas, the brush moving on its own and the storm inside of Felix was finally calming down. Calming down until he could curl up on the floor and let the exhaustion take over slipping into sweet oblivion, just as the sun illuminated a figure sitting under the tree near his window. Illuminating the figure who had silently watched over him the whole night.

**Changbin**

Changbin sat on the rooftop for who knows how long. Sitting there with his eyes closed thinking about everything that had happened that day. This is why he preferred to stay away from other people. Why he preferred to have as little friends as possible. Human drama only ended it with confusion. In the end, it would only hurt him. In the end, it would always hurt him. He sat there contemplating what to do. He did not want to go to back to the dorms. His roommate was probably sleeping, and he did not want to wake him. It’s not like he could actually sleep anyways. The nightmares would keep him awake. When he finally got up and looked at the time on his phone it was already 1 in the morning. The clubs where closing soon so that wouldn’t be an option, besides he had promised Jisung he wouldn’t leave campus till after the show case, and more importantly, he did not want to run into Nana. He stretched his arms out turning to look over the campus. He always enjoyed coming here, you had a great view of the campus and not many people knew about the rooftop that would never be locked. It used to be a standard meeting place for him and his friends but now he was the only one who still came here. It made him wonder how Felix knew about it, which made him think about Felix, which made him see that shocked face again. He let out a sigh leaning his head against the fence, just as he wanted to turn around to get off the rooftop, he spotted Felix walking on the street just below the building. Felix had left hours ago why was he wandering around campus. In nothing more than a t-shirt and some jogging pants, in this cold weather. It was the middle of the night.

He watched as Felix walked in the direction of the art building, the moment the younger left his line of sight he sprinted down the stairs, following after him. When he reached the art building, he noticed the light in one of the studio’s was on. One of the best things about the art building was, that the one of the walls was completely covered in windows, giving a clear view of what was going on inside the studios. Under the cover of the night darkness he could see perfectly well what Felix was doing inside, but Felix could never spot him creeping around. He walked closer to the window spotting Felix sitting on the floor. There were tears shining in his eyes and his hands where trembling while looking at that white canvas. Chan had told him nothing could get Felix to paint again but here he was holding a brush and surrounded by paint. He watched as Felix started hitting the floor until the skin in his knuckles cracked. He watched as the different emotions appeared and disappeared on that beautiful face. Anger. Sadness. Disbelief. Determination. Watching Felix like this, crying and hitting the floor. He felt his own heart breaking for the guy, he wanted to go in there and hug him, tell him it was going to be alright, to kiss his pain away, but Felix had pushed him away. Felix did not want him. He felt like there was nothing he could do for the guy. He quietly moved to the tree across from the window and sat down, watching over the man. Felix might not know it, but he was not alone. Changbin did not want to leave him alone.

That entire night he could not take his eyes of the male. Remembering the conversation, they had only moments earlier, the words Felix had spoken to him before he ruined the moment with kissing him _“Maybe, if you want to fix this, you should…”_ He didn’t think about it then but there had been a sad anger in Felix his voice when he said that. No one had asked Jeongin’s side of the story. No one had given a chance to Jeongin to explain. No that wasn’t true, Seungmin did, and he and Jeongin were still friends, even though Jeongin had hurt him, Seungmin still cared about the younger. Everyone else just saw him as the guy that broke Hyunjin and Seungmin apart, he was the guy that slept with teachers to get where he wanted. Jeongin was the bad person. But maybe he approached this all wrong. He thought that if Hyunjin and Seungmin just would talk for once, that they could fix the things that Jeongin broke. Maybe he should talk to Jeongin instead. Jeongin had been the key for the suffering of all his friends, maybe if he understood the key of their suffering…. maybe then he could make a difference.He would help his friends as they had helped him. They dragged him out of the darkness before he could succumb to it without even knowing how far gone Changbin had been. He would talk to Jeongin, he would get down to the bottom of all of this. Jisung, Hyunjin and Chan they would all be happy again, he would make their pain go away. Only then he could leave them behind with peace in his heart. He looked at Felix one last time seeing him sit back down on the floor and curl up. Then he would leave all of them with peace in his heart.

**Felix** ****

Felix woke up from a persisting loud noise, he groaned as he stretched out, he was stiff all over from sleeping on such a hard surface. Feeling around with his hand until he finally found his phone which had finally stopped ringing. But before he could put it down, the damn thing started ringing again. He picked up the phone. “Yeah.” His voice sounded rough and he was still sleepy. He felt like he slept on a bed of nails everything was sore. He used his free hand to rub in his eyes trying to get them to open. The motion made pain shoot through his hand and he let out a groan. “Oi, Mate where the hell are you? Jeongin said that you were already gone when he woke up that morning. I thought we would practice for the showcase together.” Felix his eyes shot open staring up at the ceiling of his studio. Well that explained the pain in his back, he had been sleeping on the floor. He looked at the broken skin on his knuckles, the dried blood and paint covering his hand before turning his eyes up at the painting.

“Hello? Felix? You there mate?”

Felix dropped his phone on the floor staring at the painting that had been stuck in his head for so long. Seeing it on a canvas was different than seeing it in his head. He stood up reaching out to touch it before remembering it was still wet. He made that, last night he painted something, something that was not covered in pain and sadness, something that instead of making him feel terrible actually made him feel good. He swallowed as his eyes scanned the details of the painting, as they got stuck on the lips. The lips that had kissed him, and that he ran away from. Shit. He ran away last night when Changbin kissed him.

“FELIX??!!” The sound of Chans voice shook him awake again. He quickly dove to get his phone again putting it to his ear. His heart was beating out of his chest, but he tried to put up a calm voice “Yeah sorry mate, I was just out. I am going to drop by the dorm really quick, to take a shower and then I will meet you… where do you want to meet?” There was a pause on the other side of the line. “Are you okay?” Felix nodded before realising Chan couldn’t see him “Yeah. I am okay, just text me where I have to go okay? I will see you soon.” He hung up the phone before Chan could respond. He had to hide that painting before anyone could see it. Before he would die of embarrassment, what if someone found it and saw he painted Changbin. He had to hide this mess. He looked down at himself. He needed to hide himself. For now, he just put the canvas in the back corner putting other canvasses in front of it, quickly cleaning up his supplies. He took a deep breath, hoping to dear god he wouldn’t run into anyone as he made his way back to the dorms.

——————————————————————————

❣ **_Author Note_ ** ❣

**_This was a heavy chapter_ **

**_By now people can guess what happened to Felix three years ago and he is making the first steps fighting his trauma_ **

**_Changbin is a stalker who wants to fix his friends without his friends realising he is fixing them._ **

**_And I have the feeling that this Is all turning in a complete and total mess._ **

**_I mean can people even keep up with this story or do I need to edit shit to make it clearer._ **


	15. Bang Chan & Felix

**Bang Chan**

Chan leaned against the tree as he watched Felix moving around in his studio. He had decided to go look for Felix when the other did not show up in the music room that morning and wouldn’t pick up his phone. The first thing he thought was that Felix had overslept, the impressions of his first two days being too much and that the Aussie probably just slept in, but when he had visited the dorm only Jeongin was in the room. It was still painful seeing the younger, a lot of things where left unsaid. A part of him wanted to fix their relationship but a bigger part of him could not let go of how much the younger had hurt him. If it was not for Felix, he would never speak to him again, but he cared about Felix and Felix cared for Jeongin. Jeongin and Chan had not been alone together since that morning, the morning Chan told him he wanted nothing more to do with him. Chan didn’t really know what to say and apparently neither did Jeongin as he just stood there wiggling on his toes. Jeongin would not meet his eyes, which annoyed him even more. When it became apparent that Felix wasn’t there and Jeongin didn’t know where he was, he quickly left. He had noticed Jeongin wanted to say something when Chan walked away but he ignored it. In his personal opinion whatever remained left unsaid, could remain unsaid forever.

His next stop had been the art studio, he didn’t know why but something in his gut told him that Felix was there, as he was walking to the art studio, he kept dialling Felix his number. Just as he arrived in front of the building the younger finally picked up the phone “Oi, Mate where the hell are you? Jeongin said that you were already gone when he woke up that morning. I thought we would practice for the showcase together.” He was met with silence from the other side of the phone. “Hello? Felix? You there mate?” He heard a loud thud like a phone falling down, he glanced at his phone in worry before quickly picking up his pace. He spotted Felix through the window the moment he reached the art studio. The male was covered in paint, staring at a canvas, his body slightly trembling. “FELIX??!!” He screamed through the phone trying to get the other to snap back to reality.

He saw the Aussie diving for his phone before hearing that low voice again. “Yeah sorry mate, I was just out. I am going to drop by the dorm really quick, to take a shower and then I will meet you… where do you want to meet?” He leaned against the tree frowning as he watched through the window, Felix his voice was laced with panic. He wanted to do nothing more than to run into that studio, but the way Felix was standing there… He thought better of it. If Felix was painting again, maybe he didn’t want to share it with Chan. The thought hurt him. He and Felix used to share everything, but that was before he left Australia. “Are you okay?” He was worried, he could see the panic in Felix. “Yeah... I am okay, just text me where I have to go okay? I will see you soon.”

He could hear the beeping tone of the phone as Felix hung up on him. Slowly lowering his own phone as he watched Felix hiding the painting.Felix who could not paint, made a painting and now he was hiding it from the world. The way his mother had spoken, the way Felix had looked when he had arrived at Veltica. It made Chan belief there was no hope anymore, but Felix was painting. He let out a sigh. He wanted to know what was wrong with Felix and help him, but how could he help him. When he spoke with Felix two days ago the other had reacted in a way Chan never expect Felix could react. Felix used to be this little piece of sunshine. He was always happy and messing around. Lately it seemed like thunderclouds took over. Even if Felix tried to hide it there was a constant sadness and pain in the man. How could he help Felix if he wasn’t opening up to him?

It’s true that he had left their friendship behind and that he created the distance he now felt with his friend. Maybe the way to get close to him again, was to open up to Felix about his own troubles. Maybe if he told Felix what happened to him, then maybe Felix would open up as well. He could mend their friendship; he knows he can close that distance again. When he closes that distance, then he can help Felix paint again, help Felix become that sunshine again. As soon as he made up his mind, he walked back to the music studio to wait for Felix.

**Felix**

After washing all the paint of and cleaning his wound, Felix quickly made his way over to the music studio. He felt good, almost happy, even though his back was sore, and his hand was hurting. It felt like something heavy had fallen of his shoulders and he could move freely again. Not everything had been fixed with the painting though, he had still thrown up while scrubbing of the paint of his body and the memories that kept flooding back. Creating one painting he was proud of did not erase everything that happened in the past. The pain was still there, he wondered if it could ever completely disappear. When his head finally cleared a bit, he started to think about what happened before he made the painting. What happened with Changbin on the roof. How Changbin had kissed him and how he had pushed him away and then ran off. He had enjoyed the kiss. He wanted more. He wanted to taste those lips again but how was he even going to face Changbin again after pushing him away.

When he arrived at the studio, he took a deep breath before opening the door with a big smile. “Good day Channie, I am so sorry, I was kind of busy this morning and I totally forgot about the appointment will you forgive me?” He gave the others the biggest smile trying to win him over. Chan just turned around in his seat and rolled his eyes patting the seat beside him. “It’s fine Lix, for this one time I will let it go, but you are buying lunch!” Felix smiled happily sitting down next to the other. “Deal!” Chan immediately started playing the track. _‘Gods Menu,’_

“So, what did you think of the song.” Chan started. “It was amazing, I can’t believe you can actually make music like that.” He wiggled excitedly in his chair. Chan gave him a proud smile. “So, did you take a look at the lyrics and practiced them.” Felix nodded. Chan played the song again this time with the added vocals of Jisung, Changbin and himself. At Changbin’s voice a small tremble went through him. He remembered the kiss they had shared again, and he couldn’t help but wonder if Changbin would ever kiss him again. He probably ruined his chances with the guy now. He let out an involuntary groan, which caused Chan pauses the music. “Is everything okay? Is something wrong with the song?” Felix quickly shook his head blushing slightly “Nothing is wrong, just thought of something, the song and the lyrics are really good.”

“Alright then, let’s start with practicing your own lyrics.”

Felix nodded taking the music sheet from his bag, Chan started the music again.

“Cooking like a chef I’m a 5-star Michelin”

They practiced for a while before both of them got hungry. Instead of going to the cafeteria they went to one of the small cafe’s around campus. The two of them were just joking and playing around, like nothing bad had ever happened, they were slid back into their old friendship easily, it was only after they had finished their food that Chan’s face finally turned serious.

“Felix I was thinking about what you said before, about how I wasn’t there when you needed me and how I left our friendship behind.” Felix looked up shocked. “It’s fine Chan, really!I was just upset, and I said things I didn’t mean.” But Chan shook his head instead putting a hand on Felix for a moment and squeezed it. “You were right, and I know I cannot make up for it, but… I missed you, you were my best friend and these years haven’t been the same without you.” Felix nodded squeezing Chans hand back. “There are a lot of things that happened to both of us, but I want to open up to you and be honest and open with you again.” Chan said smiling hopefully. Felix swallowed. He wanted to open up as well, he wanted to talk to someone who would not judge him, someone who would let him be himself again. But he already knew, that was not possible. He couldn’t let Chan of all people know how dirty he really was. What if Chan would judge him as well, would call him dirty and stupid.

“I loved him…” Felix looked up at Chan in shock. “Jeongin, I thought loved him.” Chan looked up as well and Felix could see the sadness and hurt in his eyes. “I thought he loved me back… he was so shy, so we kept it between us, stealing kisses and hugs and nothing more. I cared about him. I helped him write music for the showcase, I helped him prepare a stage. I helped him with everything. Then he slept with Hyunjin, and with the teachers and who knows who else. Jeongin used me and then threw me away. You wanted to know why I act that way with him, now you know.” Felix was silent for a moment, staring at the other in shock, Chan’s hand which he was still holding, was slightly trembling. Felix squeezed it again giving the other a sad smile. He didn’t know what to say. Chan loved Jeongin, and Jeongin played with his feelings. “I didn’t even know you liked guys…” Chan let out a sad laugh at that. “I figured out my preference when I came to Korea, Jeongin was the first guy I liked.” Felix nodded “Did you ever talk to Jeongin about it.” Chan shook his head. “I got so angry at him, I never wanted to speak to him again. I was afraid I would hit him, I saw them together I just couldn’t. I left, and I never spoke to Jeongin again.”

Felix felt bad for the older, it explained why Chan reacted to Jeongin the way he did, but something still felt off to Felix. “You still like him, don’t you? That is why it still hurts so much.” He asked, in reply he got a small nod from Chan. “I don’t know if I still love him, but I know I still care about him.” He turned his head to look out the window, holding onto Chans hand tightly. Why did Jeongin hurt Chan like that, it didn’t seem right for the guys character. Had he been wrong about Jeongin. Seeing the devastated Chan before him, it hurt. But he wouldn’t judge Jeongin that easily. It was Chan himself who once taught him that every story had two sides, and only by knowing both of them can you get the whole picture. He needed to know Jeongin’s side. He broke up Hyunjin and Seungmin, but he was still friends with Seungmin. The rumours of him sleeping around with his teachers, it didn’t add up. Something was wrong here and he was going to get to the bottom of it. Felix Holmes was going to solve this mystery.

Chan looked up after a few minutes taking his hands back. “So now you know the struggles of my love life.” He gave the other a sad smile and Felix returned it taking a deep breath. “Changbin kissed me last night, and I ran away.” The words escaped his lips before he could think about it. He gave Chan an awkward smile wringing his own hands together. “That are the struggles of my love life right now.” He couldn’t help but burst out in laughing at the expression on Chan’s face. He looked like a fish trying to gasp for breath. Somewhere stuck between disbelief and disgust. It didn’t take long before Chan also burst out in laughing, the heavy air between them gone.


	16. Jisung & Changbin

**Jisung.**

He nervously sat in his chair wiggling around a little bit. They had already decided who was going to prepare who when they made the invitations. Changbin would do a one-on-one meeting with Hyunjin and Jeongin, Chan would take care of Felix and Seungmin. That way, as Chan liked to put it, Jisung could focus on only Minho. They also told Jisung to help Minho with the dance choreography. Not that he knew that much about dancing. I mean he could dance, all students of the music department got dance classes. But he wasn’t ready to choreography an entire dance and now he was sitting here waiting for his crush to appear.

Jisung had first seen Minho at the show case at the beginning of the year. From the moment he had laid his eyes the man dancing, he had been hooked. Jisung wasn’t naturally a shy person, quite the opposite actually. He made friends easily and was always happy to approach new people. He was an outgoing person by nature. That was, with everyone except for Minho. Chan and Changbin always bullied him with his crush on the dancer. It was just the way that Minho moved and danced, even his personality, everything about the man was attractive to Jisung. 

The door opened up as the source of his desire entered the room. “Ah Minho Hyung, please come in.” He ruffled with some papers dropping his cup of coffee as a result. He watched in horror as his cup fell on the floor creating a huge mess. At that moment he wanted nothing more than that the ground would swallow him up. He quickly moved down to the floor at the same time as Minho leaned down, bumping their heads together. Jisung fell back on the floor. Could this morning get any worse! He quickly sat up again as he heard Minho groan, watching as he was rubbing his head. “I’m sorry…” Jisung almost shouted as he leaned forward. “Did I hurt you…” The floor was still wet, and his hand slipped making him tumble over in Minho’s lap. Yes, this morning could get worse. He was so embarrassed he could die right there and then and not even care, even the floor swallowing him up would not be enough, why did this happen to him. He looked up when he heard a beautiful sound. The sound of Minho’s laugh. He awkwardly pushed himself up, out of the others lap. His cheeks and ears bright red as he looked at the other male laying on the floor laughing and finally a small chuckle came of his own lips as well.

It was Minho who moved first taking some napkins to clean up the mess Jisung had created, before sitting down in the chair Jisung had pointed to him when he first entered. Jisung awkwardly got up in his own chair, why could he not just act normal, just be his self. Why did he turn into such a mess when he was around the older? He pressed some buttons on the computer preparing the track. “I listened to the track last night and decided on a few dances with Hyunjin based on the lyrics you wrote. They are really good you know; I didn’t know you could write like that…” Jisung looked up blushing, a few second went by with just the two of them staring at each other before Jisung cleared his throat awkwardly turning back to the computer. “Does that mean that Hyunjin will be joining stray kids?” Minho shrugged at that. “He enjoys being dramatic, I mean his reaction was completely in his own right, Changbin should have told him that both Jeongin and Seungmin would be there, but after the initial shock died down Hyunjin calmed down enough to see logic, he does plan on letting Changbin suffer for a bit more though.” Jisung turned a little in his chair to peek at the older male. “It is nice if everything would be fixed between all of them. It’s been so long, and I just want everyone to stop hurting.” Jisung stared at his hand which Minho just covered with his own. “I’m worried about what Changbin is planning, and why… this is not like him at all and what Hyunjin said to him… it bothers me.” Jisung spoke his worries without a second thought before looking up again at Minho quickly retracting his own hand shaking his head. “We should get to work now, let’s start with practicing your lines and after we can move to the dance studio. To see what kind of dance you came up with.” He noticed how Minho stared at him for a while before nodding, holding his sheet with lyrics up just as Jisung pressed play on the track.

**Changbin**

Considering he had not been able to get in touch with Hyunjin yet, he decided to text Jeongin to meet him in one of the recording studios. _“Maybe, if you want to fix this, you should…”_ Felix his words where still actively going around his head. Well not just his words but also his face, his smile, the kiss they shared. Felix was a distraction and not one he could just ignore, and it would go away. He was intrigued by the guy. Why did Felix push him away, what happened to him, why did he look so sad and angry and hurt? More than anything he wanted to know what Felix painted that night. He wanted to see the painting that the beautiful male had made with so many emotions. Not that he could go to Felix and ask him, he almost snorted at the thought _‘Hey Felix, I was just wondering, why did you push me away when I kissed you? What did you paint that night? I wasn’t stalking you; I just saw you make a painting, and I was curious what was on it. And while I am at it, why did you stop painting in the first place?’_ He groaned leaning his head in his hands, he wanted to know the answers to all those questions, but he couldn’t just ask them, besides he had other questions he had to ask today, other issues he had to solve. He looked at the window, behind it Jeongin was standing, ready to sing his part for the millionth time, he looked more nervous with every time he sang it and Changbin was starting to feel bad for him. He pressed the button and spoke through the intercom “Jeongin come back here, let’s try something else.”

A minute later Jeongin was sitting in the chair across from him, Changbin handed him a bottle of water before leaning back in his chair, watching the younger. Jeongin was obviously nervous, continuously wiggling in his chair. “Please explain.” At the harsh words Jeongin seemed to jump up, reminding Changbin of a little fennec fox. Changbin knew he wasn’t the best with social interactions, but that reaction was a bit too much now, wasn’t it? He let out a sigh, taking off his cap and ruffling his hair before placing it back on his head. “From what I can remember, you could sing better than that. Explain what happened, being in Veltica you are supposed to get better, not worse.” Jeongin flinched at those words but he stopped his nervous wiggling around. When they were still friends Jeongin always jumped around, screaming with Jisung or Hyunjin. Having way too much energy for Changbin to comprehend. He used to be all smiles, making everyone happy and care for the guy. Now Jeongin just looked like a scared little cat wanting to run away. “I got stage fright…” Jeongin’s voice was soft almost like a whisper. “After the Showcase I got stage fright, I can’t sing that well in front of other people anymore…”

Changbin’s face hardened pressing his tongue against his cheek. “How did what happened result in you having stage fright? If I recount correctly, you were the one playing with both Hyunjin’s and Chan’s hearts.” He didn’t want to start the conversation like this, he wanted to calmly and kindly ask the younger what had happened, but he just got annoyed.

“I never meant for anyone to get hurt… I swear.” Changbin just clicked his tongue at Jeongin’s desperate tone. “I never slept with a teacher, I never slept with anyone for money… I never.”

“But you did sleep with Hyunjin right? Why?”

Jeongin seemed shock by the question leaning forward putting his head in his hands. “I don’t know….I never wanted to hurt Chan. I never wanted to hurt anyone, I just wanted to be there for Hyunjin, if I had known all of this would happen… I was drinking for the first time and I got drunk… I…” Jeongin was slowly breaking down, tears in his eyes. “I never wanted to hurt everyone; Lia told me… I…” Tears where taking over slurring Jeongin’s words. No matter what happened between them, Changbin used to care for the younger and even though he was angry, seeing him like this, it still hurt. He moved over to Jeongin wrapping his arms around Jeongin’s shocking body. “Seungmin still loves him, he is so proud Hyunjin stopped drinking and I ruined it. I still love Chan, and I ruined it. It’s all because of those pictures. If it wasn’t for those pictures, I wouldn’t have gotten drunk, I wouldn’t have slept with Hyunjin, I wouldn’t have said those things, I wouldn’t have been hated by everyone. They aren’t real, it wasn’t real, the rumours aren’t real.” The words where slurred in Changbin his sweater but he could understand them perfectly fine. The pictures that had started the rumours about Jeongin, the pictures that started all of this. “I’m sorry, I am so sorry. I know my words hurt Hyunjin but he… I never meant to hurt him like that” Changbin just held the other closer in his arms shushing him softly. “It’s going to be okay… everything is going to be okay.” He had asked the questions like Felix had wanted him to, but instead of answers he got even more questions.


	17. Jeongin Past

**Jeongin’s past**

Jeongin laid on his bed staring at the pictures, they were sent to him by an unknown number. He had received threats for weeks now, all telling him to stay away from his friends, that he should keep his hands to himself. Though the messages never referred to a specific person Jeongin could guess. Up till now he didn’t think it was necessary to tell his friends, and make them worried, but the threats were getting worse, and today… _‘Keep your hands away from what is mine, or these will be sent to everyone.”_ He was confused, as he stared at the pictures, how did they even get them. In one of the pictures, it looked like a male teacher was kissing him and in another it looked like he was undressing for another female teacher. The positions where compromising but that wasn’t what had happened at all. One of the teachers had helped him with his breathing for his singing, the only reason that it looked like they were kissing was because of the angle of the photo, the other was in dance class it had been hot, so he had taken of his sweater, his shirt accidentally riding up along with his sweater. He was not alone with the teacher at that time, the class had been full, but all those other people weren’t visible in the photograph. At the time he didn’t notice the teacher was staring at his body. A shiver went up his spine as he closed his phone, trying to get away from the pictures. Why would anyone take those pictures and spread them around the school, he was sure nobody would believe them, they weren’t true. it was all fake.

The door of his room was suddenly thrown open revealing a very drunk Hyunjin. Lia had texted him before telling him that Seungmin and Hyunjin actually broke up for real this time. Though he didn’t really believe it, they always got back together eventually. He quickly got up from his bed and helped his friend inside. Hyunjin had a terrible drunk, he got very touchy and emotional. The only one who was actually good at dealing with him like this was Seungmin but as he was probably the reason behind Hyunjin’s drunken behaviour, he wouldn’t be that much help. “Jeonginnie, drink with me tonight.” Hyunjin whined holding the bottle in front of Jeongin’s face. He had never had any alcohol before. But the pictures worried him, and he was nervous for the showcase in three days, he also was thinking about taking the next step with Chan, which didn’t ease his mind at all. Hyunjin was draped over his lap and Jeongin quickly grabbed the bottle before it would fall on the floor. He stared at the bottle for a while before bringing it to his lips. It couldn’t do much harm to take a few sips right, according to the others it was relaxing, and he had enough stress the last couple of days. He could let go for a bit; it wouldn’t do any harm. Unfortunately, that was the last thing he could remember, and he was wrong.

“WHAT THE FUCK!” Jeongin groaned at the loud voice, a hand moved from his waist and he could hear Hyunjin groan in pain as he rolled over, away from him. Jeongin peaked one eye open staring straight up in Chan’s angry face. “Channie…” He whined slightly his head hurting from the light. But Chan just shook his head, Jeongin had never seen the other look so angry. Chan turned around and walked out of the room slamming the door shut. What was wrong with him. Was he angry that he and Hyunjin slept in one bed, that had happened before? It was nothing to be that angry about. As he sat up, he felt a pain shooting down his back. He realised a few things at once.

1\. He was naked

2\. His back was hurting

3\. He was in one bed Hyunjin

4\. Chan had seen it.

He quickly got out of bed but immediately fell through his legs. He crawled away his face in horror as Hyunjin turned around. The two of them stared at each other for a while. Hyunjin had known how important his virginity had been for Jeongin, how he had a special night planned with Chan, how scared he had been for it. Hyunjin face turned to shock as he slowly moved up but before he could say or do anything Jeongin ran off into the bathroom and locked himself inside. Sitting under the shower. His arms wrapped around his legs he cried. He was dirty now; Chan would never want him again. He spoke the words softly to himself not realising his roommate standing on the other side of the door, hearing every single word.

When he had finally emerged from the shower, Hyunjin wasn’t there. His first thought was that he had to find Chan, he needed to explain what happened. Jeongin spend the entire day looking for the man but he couldn’t find him, Chan didn’t respond to any of his messages, didn’t pick up any off his calls. Jisung and Changbin didn’t know where he was, it was like he had disappeared. He ran around the campus trying all of Chan’s usual and unusual spots, but as the day past, he never found him. Defeated he made his way back to his own dorm room only to find Seungmin standing in front of it. The guy was looking at him with anger and tears. Seungmin, Hyunjin’s boyfriend, no wait ex-boyfriend, Seungmin walked up to him and slapped him across the cheek. “Why… I thought we were friends, how could you?” Seungmin screamed the words at him but he couldn’t answer. He had been drunk, he doesn’t even remember, he never wanted this, he never wanted any of this. Standing in front of Seungmin and seeing the others face he finally broke down completely. In the middle of the hallway of the dorms. He fell through his legs crying, he kept repeating he was sorry and that he didn’t know what happened. That he never wanted this, that he didn’t know how it happened, that he felt wrong and disgusting. When Seungmin hugged him, he broke down even further, unable to form any words anymore. The man should be angry with him, hate him for sleeping with his boyfriend why was he hugging him. But he felt the soft strokes on his back, and it calmed him down slightly. “I know how important it was for you he had told me about your big night coming up, and I know how Hyunjin gets when he’s drunk… I don’t blame you… it’s okay, calm down.”

“How I get when I am drunk huh…” the two of them looked up sitting away from each other to see an angry Hyunjin standing there. “You two suit each other, you both think I am disgusting don’t you, you both blame me for everything?” Seungmin stood up trying to reach for the other but Hyunjin brushed him storming away from them. Jeongin quietly got up opening the door to his dorm room. “Come in… we are making a scene in the hallway.” Seungmin nodded tears sliding down his cheeks. The two sat there both sniffing slightly. It was awkward as they sat there in silence before Seungmin finally opened his mouth.

“We have been fighting a lot lately, Hyunjin has been distant and he has been drinking a lot, you know how he gets when he is drunk, how touchy he will get with other people and how I don’t like it. Hyunjin has been drinking more and more, he has been struggling with something and he can’t seem to talk with me about it. He is going with Changbin to clubs and I just couldn’t take it anymore. So, I told him to stop or I would break up with him. He didn’t stop and the fighting got worse over the week, so I ended things and he didn’t even seem to care, like he was waiting for me to break up with him.” There was such a deep sadness in Seungmin’s voice that Jeongin’s heart broke even more. “I didn’t want to break up with him, but I was so angry, and I said words I can never take back… and now this…” Jeongin looked down “I’m sorry…” Seungmin shook his head. “I was waiting for this to happen.” Jeongin felt back on his bed closing his eyes “One thing is for sure; I will never drink again.” At that Seungmin let out a snort. “Yeah, maybe it’s better if you don’t.”

Seungmin moved over to Jeongin’s bed and the two of them sat there together in silence for a long time. Until they both fell asleep exhausted from the mental stress they went through. It was Seungmin’s phone in the morning that woke them up. “Oh no… Jeongin?” Jeongin turned to the other taking the phone he was holding out. He stared in shock at the picture posted all over social media _‘Puppy or Whore? Cute Jeonginnie sleeping with teachers to stay in the school.’_ He stared at the pictures that he had received only the day before spread around on social media his head turning to Seungmin in shock. “This isn’t true…I was taking my sweater of because it was hot, and he was just helping me with my breathing technique. I never slept with any teacher no one will belief this right… people will say this isn’t true… right?” Seungmin just looked at him with sadness in his eyes. “Right…?” Jeongin’s voice pitched as he desperately clung to the others phone. “Jeongin…” Seungmin started but a knock on the door interrupted them. Jeongin quickly moved up to the door scared of what Seungmin was going to say. As he opened the door het met with an even more angry Chan pressing a box of own stuff in his hands. “Never ever speak to me again.” Jeongin opened his mouth but Chan shook his head “I want nothing to do with you…” With that he turned around and walked away. Jeongin fell to the floor and cried. No one is supposed to belief the pictures, they are fake. Everything has been a mistake.

That day he lost everything, Hyunjin moved out as his roommate and they never spoke again, neither did any of his friends, though Jisung still smiled and waved from a distance. Chan actively avoided him, running from the room as soon as Jeongin entered. The only one who still spoke to him was Seungmin, as the others were still close to Hyunjin, Jeongin figured it was more because Seungmin didn’t have anywhere to go either. He was wrong, Seungmin still had a lot of friends in the Theatre department, he was the only one who was alone. When he choked up during the show case more rumours started to spread about him. After the showcase he ran into Lia, but she just shook her head. “I knew the whole puppy things was just an act. Chan deserved better…”

That was the end of his happy days.


	18. Minho & Changbin

**Minho**

He was standing in front of the mirror stretching and warming up for dance practice. He was happy, you could even call it a bit giddy. Yesterday he was able to spend the whole day together with Jisung and it had been amazing. The other was funny and sweet. He knew about 3RACHA from the moment he had entered the school, everyone knew about the amazing 3RACHA, but the little squirrel had grabbed his attention from the first moment he saw them, and now they were finally getting closer. Hyunjin had told him a lot about the guy and even though he wasn’t friends with all of them back then, he was well aware of what had happened. He turned his head to watch his friend stretch and let out a sigh. He was happy Hyunjin decided to join Stray Kids. Seeing Seungmin and Jeongin together always hurt him. Back then they had made Hyunjin feel worthless and dirty. It had taken him and Changbin months to glue Hyunjin’s pieces back together. Hyunjin had officially stopped drinking and Changbin refused to take him out of the school to party. Finally, after all those months he did not feel like a worthless piece of trash anymore. Minho knew that Changbin was trying to help his friends, but he was wondering if this was the right approach. There were a lot of things that had bothered him about Hyunjin’s and Seungmin’s relationship but Hyunjin never spoke off it.

He was scared that all off this would make Hyunjin start spiralling back again, that he would start drinking again. Hyunjin made mistakes when he drank, a lot of mistakes, and even though he was well aware of those mistakes, with alcohol in his system he could not prevent himself from making them. He didn’t want to spend his time with Stray Kids worrying about Hyunjin, he wanted to spend this time getting closer to his squirrel. It was his final year. He wanted to make some good memories. He clapped his hands as he stood up getting the attention of the other two in the room. “I went over some of the moves with Jisung yesterday.” Hyunjin whistled at that and Felix chuckles. He just cleared his throat and went on. “Let’s practice those first and then fill up the empty spots.” He stuck out his tongue to the two before starting the music. As soon as the music started, the fooling around was finished. The three of them were completely focussed on the dance moves. Minho realised that Felix could quickly adapted to their style of dancing and he was easy to work with. In a few hours it was like the Aussie boy had been with them all along.

The three of them worked quickly and when they finally turned the music off, they all fell down to the floor exhausted from practicing. They had almost finished the dance choreography for the entire song in one day. Felix was spread out on his back, Hyunjin sitting against the mirror and Minho himself was sitting in the middle of the room. It was Felix who after a few minutes, finally broke the silence. “So, are you and Jisung now together?” Hyunjin snorted before Minho could open his mouth to reply, “If either of them ever got the courage to confess, I will dance around the dorm naked, it took them over half a year to speak one word to each other. I think we can wait 10 years before they actually get together.” Minho threw his towel at the others face. Felix sat up and looked at him with a weird look on his face. “You could just kiss him…” The words came out of his mouth like a whisper.

Minho stared at him flabbergast “Who would just randomly kiss someone.” He saw Felix blush and look away. Well, that was interesting apparently someone had kissed the Aussie boy. He shared a look at Hyunjin who shrugged with an evil grin. “So, Felix… do you have any experience with random kisses.” The male said with a teasing grin on his lips, crawling closer to Felix. “Yes... I mean… no... I mean it would be a good way to find out if someone likes you and if you like them back... right?” Hyunjin crawled even closer pushing his lips together “Should I give you a kiss then Felix?” He grinned jumping on Felix and pinning him down. The younger boy wiggled beneath him, trying to get away, while Hyunjin was leaning down with puckering lips. Minho couldn’t help but laugh at the scene, Felix looked like a fish thrown on dry land. The knock on the door made all of their heads turn, Felix and Hyunjin still frozen in position as Changbin entered the room. Changbin’s eyes stayed focus on Felix and Minho turned his head just in time to watch Felix turning bright red and throwing Hyunjin off him. Hyunjin just continued laughing but Minho noticed the look Changbin and Felix shared. Oh, this was getting more and more interesting. Did Changbin have a soft spot for the Aussie boy.

**Changbin**

Changbin stared at the scene before him, at the three shocked face staring at him, at Felix being pinned down by Hyunjin. He was at a loss for words a moment and the silence in the room could be cut with a knife until Felix finally pushed Hyunjin off. “Can we help you with something?” It was Minho who spoke with a knowing smile on his face, whatever it was Minho thought he knew, Changbin wished he didn’t. “I came to get Hyunjin to practice, before he disappeared on me again.” He turned to Hyunjin and gave him a glare. The younger just shrugged. “I haven’t forgiven you yet, besides I am very busy at the moment, Felix was just asking for some kisses.” As he spoke the words, he jumped onto Felix again but Changbin wasn’t having it. He walked over and grabbed Hyunjin by the collar. Glancing at Felix before dragging his friend out of the dance studio. So, Felix ran away when he kissed him but was asking for kisses from Hyunjin. He was definitely growing more and more annoyed.

He almost dragged Hyunjin completely back to the music studio’s when the other finally opened his mouth again “I really haven’t forgiven you yet.” Hyunjin said with a more serious voice now.Changbin let go of his friend and nodded “I know...” He opened the door to one of the studio’s letting the other in. “How could you do that to me? You know how difficult it was for me to get over him, to get over what happened.” Changbin let out a sigh as he took his chair. He knew he had to say something, but he couldn’t think of the right words. “How can those two still be friends?” Hyunjin went on frustration in his voice. “Probably because they can bond over their mutual disgust for me.” Changbin shook his head. “You are still friends with Chan, are you not?” Hyunjin just fell on the small couch in the room shaking his head “That is different, I didn’t know… Neither Chan nor Jeongin ever told us they were together; I wouldn’t have if I had known. Chan never blamed me.” Changbin let out a sigh. Hyunjin would have, if he had known Chan and Jeongin where together or not. Hyunjin had been drunk out of his mind that night. Drunk Hyunjin crawled into bed with anyone and everyone if there was no one to stop it. Besides, since the beginning Hyunjin had shown a strange affection towards Jeongin. Seungmin was good at keeping drunk Hyunjin in check. It is not like Hyunjin was the type to sleep around, he usually regretted it the day after and felt dirty himself, somehow when he was drunk the part that normally would stop him, was just gone, and he just graved attention and affection. It was the biggest reason he worked so hard to get Hyunjin to stop drinking. The one who would always end up most hurt by his drunken actions was Hyunjin himself.

“I know you are scared of leaving and you want to fix everyone before you go, but this is not the right way.” Hyunjin finally looked at Changbin. “No one here blames or hates you for your past, Hell I am sure, I am the only one who really knows about your past. You don’t have to fix us now just to make up for it. Be honest with everyone tell them you are leaving.” Changbin shook his head “Like you said they don’t know, it is for my own conscious, besides… I don’t want to hurt them, Jisung, Chan and me, we always had this plan for after graduation and now I am ruining it.” His friends could never find out about his past and they could not know yet that he was leaving. “You’ve been given a one in a lifetime opportunity, I am sure both of them will support you…” Changbin just shook his head, he didn’t want to talk about this. “I talked to Jeongin about what happened.” Hyunjin groaned and fell back on the couch again “Can we just let this go.” He whined out trashing his arms and legs.

“He said the rumours aren’t true, that someone spread the pictures of him making it seemed like he was sleeping around with teacher, but they were fabricated. He said Seungmin still loves you… and is proud of you… that you stopped drinking and of who you became. He never meant to hurt you; he is sorry.” Hyunjin sat up on the couch shaking his head. “Him being sorry doesn’t change anything, and I stopped drinking to late I already lost him. I care about Seungmin I always will, but we weren’t right for each other. That is one thing I have learned.” Hyunjin gave him a sad smile. “If you ever fall in love, don’t ruin it.” Felix popped into Changbin’s head, no he didn’t love Felix, he barely knew the guy. But the guy seemed to have taken up a permanent residence in his head. He shook his head. “Maybe it’s not too late, maybe you can find your way back to each other.” Changbin smiled grabbing some of the papers and smacking them on Hyunjin’s head. “But first we should prepare for that showcase, show how much you have grown in your rapping.”

They were in the middle of practicing when both their phones suddenly pinged. He quickly grabbed it seeing a message from Chan.

**_Stray kids group chat._ **

**_Channie:_ **

_This seemed like an easier way to communicate. Thanks to our amazing dance team we can start our dance practice tomorrow! Be on time._

**_Squirrel_ **

_Hey what about me! I helped!_

**_Minhoe_ **

_If it was up to Felix, we would only be doing Fortnite and TikTok dances._

**_Lixie_ **

_HEY! They are fun dances, and they look good. Don’t judge…_

Changbin stared at the name, clicking on it and quickly adding Felix his number. He bit his lip staring at it for a moment. It was a long shot after the other had pushed him away, but he didn’t want to give up just yet. Before he could rethink, he quickly clicked on the name again and send a message:

**_Binnie:_ **

_Meet me at the usual spot tonight at 9._

He quickly put his phone down focussing back on Hyunjin and practicing. He couldn’t help but check his phone every few seconds. “You okay there? Are you waiting for someone?” Hyunjin asked with a teasing voice making Changbin blush slightly looking down at his phone. “WAIT! no way you are blushing, you are actually waiting for someone? Are you in love Binnie Boo?” Changbin wanted to respond but before he could say anything his phone pinged, both of them reached for the phone. Hyunjin grabbed it first and tried to run away with it. But Changbin already pinned him down, untangling the device from Hyunjin’s fingers and pushing the other away.

**_Lixie_ **

_Alright! See you there._

He smiled putting his phone down. Hyunjin was staring at him wiggling his eyebrows. “So, who is the lucky girl? Or guy?” He glared at him hitting him on the head with the papers. “Rap this part again you are still doing it wrong.” He smiled at his phone again before turning it off and out of Hyunjin’s reach.


	19. Felix & Changbin

**Felix**

As Felix walked up the stairs there were two things to be noticed. One; he was very early. Two; he was very nervous. He brought some snacks and a pot of tea. It was already getting cold out and the tea would keep them warm. He couldn’t help but wonder if it was too much, I mean It wasn’t a date or anything. It wasn’t really anything, was it? Just a message to meet in the usual spot. They already have a usual spot. He was excited when he had received the message from Changbin. But also worried and nervous. Then again, the last time the two had met Hyunjin had been pinning him down and the time before that he had ran away after Changbin had kissed him. He had enough reason to be nervous. He figured the guy never wanted to see him again. As he reached the door, he suddenly heard two female voices.

“Did you see them all getting along again? They are all in a team together with some other guys.” A female voice spoke. “It’s unfair, why not us?” The voice sounded angry. He stopped in front of the door. Maybe he should turn back. It seemed like a private conversation. “You know why not us. How can you still be friends with them after what you did, if they ever found out…”? The other voice replied calmly. “Besides we have a team, and we are doing well together.”

“It is not about that, I worked so hard and yet he still didn’t notice me, even after he realised Jeongin wasn’t good for him.” Felix was about to turn around and walk away, but as soon as he heard Jeongin’s name he moved closer to the door, opening it slightly so he could see what was going on.

“You should have never taken those pictures; you knew it was wrong.” He saw one girl leaning against the fence the other pacing up and down. “Chan deserved better than Jeongin, he destroyed his own chances when he slept with Hyunjin. I just gave him a little push to show them Jeongin’s real character.” The other girl let out a snort. “You wanted to break them up, just so you could be get the attention they were giving the guy and so you could get together with Chan. Now look what happened, he immediately turned you down, after that it became uncomfortable and we all grew apart. Even if they are slowly getting close again, there is no place in that group of friends for us anymore and if they ever found out what you did… what do you think would happen then?”

The girl girl against the fence just rolled her eyes. “What did I do other than showing everyone the truth?” The pacing girl stopped and glared at the other girl. “You fabricated pictures and spread them with lies.” You broke our friendship with them apart, you broke them apart and for what? Your own gain? You ended up gaining nothing from it? It cost your friendship with them, my friendship with them because I stood beside you.” The pacing girl crossed her arms glaring at the other. “If I am such a bad person why are we still friends Chaeryeong?” Felix eyes widened at the name, if that was Chaeryeong then the other girl must be Lia, they used to be friends with the guys. “Because I care about you.” Chaeryeong said softly. At those words the other girl softened and walked over. He saw the two girls hugging each other.

“Even if my actions were unorthodox, I had to show them what kind person Jeongin really was. They were all blinded by him, but he was a bad person. He turned Chan against me. If they are getting close again, I must stop it. I must protect them” Chaeryeong looked up in disbelief “Lia you can’t… you need to let it go. Let them be…” Felix was focussed on the two girls, he couldn’t belief what he was hearing, Lia was responsible for the pictures, she tried to break Chan and Jeongin apart. He thought no one had known about the two. Suddenly he felt a breath of air in his ear accompanied by a husky voice “Boo!”

He let out a yelp falling forward against the door pushing it further open revealing himself to the two girls. He turned around quickly to see Changbin standing there in shock, staring at the two girls.”

You could cut the silence with a knife as the four of them stared at each other. It was Chaeryeong who moved first pulling Lia with her. “Oppa, it’s so good to see you, I see you still use the same spot… well we should go.” She spoke in an overly sweet voice, dragging Lia passed them and down the stairs “Do you think they heard us.” Felix could hear Chaeryeong whisper to Lia, but the other girl shook her head. “They couldn’t have, we are fine don’t worry.”

Apparently Changbin also heard the question. He turned to Felix “Heard what?” Felix sighed and moved onto the roof sitting down in his usual spot against the fence. He hasn’t even been here a month and he already had a usual spot on the roof and was involved in more drama than the past three years. Changbin moved to sit next to him. “If I heard correctly, Lia spread fabricated pictures of Jeongin to keep him and Chan apart. But it backfired. She also wants to stop everyone from becoming friends again and wants to expose Jeongin as a terrible being.” Changbin didn’t respond he just sat there quietly in thought. After a while Felix spoke again “If that is true, then I was right. Jeongin wasn’t a bad person. Someone made it all up to make everyone hate him.” He pulled his legs up wrapping his arms around them. Changbin put his hand on his leg. “Jeongin made mistakes things that go further and deeper than just the picture. He wasn’t the only one though. If this is true, then maybe we can fix the misunderstanding with the pictures first. We also need to get Jeongin and Chan to talk, they have to talk at least once about everything that happened. Seungmin and Hyunjin also need to talk. Hyunjin and Jeongin need to talk, and we need to talk...” Felix turned around looking into Changbin’s eyes. “I guess the only ones that don’t need to talk are Minho and Jisung…” Felix started jokingly before looking down, “I didn’t mean to run away.” The words escaped him as he looked up, looking straight at Changbin’s lips again. Changbin smiled and leaned a little closer whispering softly in return. “if you didn’t mean to run away, then what did you want to happen?” Changbin could barely finish his sentence before Felix closed the distance, pressing his lips against Changbin’s.

The kiss started sweet and soft, he could feel Changbin holding back, maybe he was scared that Felix would run away again, but Felix did not want to run away this time. He wanted to let go off his past, to enjoy the things he hadn’t been able to enjoy for the past three years. Even if he felt a tremble through his body, the hairs on his arms rising. Even if he could hear that voice in the dept of his mind. Even with all off that, he did not want to succumb to it. Instead, he wanted to give all of himself to this kiss, to Changbin. He leaned in further, parting his lips to deepen the kiss, his hands moving into Changbin’s hair, sliding the soft strands between his fingers. Changbin’s hands going to his waist and pulling him closer as their tongues played. He moved to sit on the others lap not caring about anything. It was only when he finally ran out of breath that he pulled back to look at the male before him. Lips swollen and hair a mess. He liked him even more like that. He definitely did not want to run away from this man.

**Changbin**

Changbin looked up at the man in his lap his hands stroking Felix his cheeks. So much information had been going through his head only seconds before and now everything was filled with its permanent resident Felix again. All his troubles and all the drama of the past few days forgotten. He leaned up to peck the others lips again. The two of them spend that night on the rooftop, kissing and eating the snacks and tea Felix had brought with him. For a moment they were able to forget about everything. It was just the two of them. He learned so much about Felix, like that he started painting when he was still very young, that he knows taekwondo and can make mosquito sounds and beat box. They spend the night together until he noticed Felix getting tired. Felix leaning on his shoulder with his eyes closed. It was already past midnight when they finally got up and walked back to the dorms.

Changbin had placed his hand in Felix’s as they had started walking back to the dorm. The warm feeling of the others hand was distracting. He wondered how those small hands would feel on other parts of his body. “We should do something, shouldn’t we? We need everyone to start talking again.” Felix began successfully snapping Changbin back from perverted thoughts. Felix was right. He had always said that he wanted to fix things between his friends and the best way to do that was to get them to talk to each other. The fact that they never talked it out is probably the reason they are in this mess anyways. When they reached Felix dorm room Felix turned to him with that bright smile that could chase away any and all storm clouds. “Let’s lock them in closets together and won’t let them out until they actually talk to each other.” Changbin shook his head. “Maybe we should just ask them to talk, tell them that we found some stuff out and say that we think they need to talk.” He poked Felix his nose. The other just shrugged. “I like locking them in closets.” Changbin noticed as the other grew more comfortable around him, he also turned more childish. He enjoyed that part of Felix. He leaned in and kissed the Aussies lips. “We will have to wait for tomorrow before we can do anything. For now, let’s get some sleep.” Felix kissed his lips again before disappearing back into his room.

The pieces of the puzzle were slowly going into place. Lia… was she really responsible for all this pain and hate within their group of friends. Lia who had always been kind and always been hanging around Chan. Could she really do all of this?


	20. Felix & Changbin

**Felix**

He was happy when he entered his dorm room, almost dancing as he walked towards his bed, falling down and grabbing his pillow, hugging it close with a big grin on his face. The evening had been amazing, luckily Changbin wasn't angry at him for running away, on the contrary, they just spend the whole night kissing, and it was amazing. Changbin was amazing. Yes, right now, even with everything that happened this week, he was sure that he made the right decision to come to Veltica. This was the new start he had needed. He giggled to himself as he hugged the pillow close. "Looks like someone had a great evening..." The voice disturbed him from his giddy thoughts, he looked up straight in the face of his roommate. Right! Jeongin! He immediately sat up staring at the younger. Jeongin was sitting on his bed, his eyes were puffed up from what could have only been crying. His happiness immediately forgotten, Felix got up from his bed and made his way over to his friend. "Are you okay?" Felix worriedly said as he moved to sit on the others bed, wrapping his arms around him.

Jeongin nodded slowly. "I'm fine, don't worry about me." He tried to get out of Felix his arms, but he wasn't having it. He would not allow to let Jeongin just brush it all off. He grabbed the other's shoulders making him look at him. "I know what happened..." Felix started softly, that made Jeongin finally look at him, his eyes filled with shock, Felix felt bad for the guy, he felt Jeongin's body starting to shake slightly as he tried to push Felix away, but he kept his grip on the other. "Do you hate me now too? Are you going to leave me too? Just let me go then..." Jeongin said, his voice breaking. Felix shook his head "No... Jeongin I know what really happened, or well pieces of it. Calm down and listen to me..." He spoke his voice soft as he wrapped his arms around Jeongin's body again, forcing him into a hug. "I know the pictures are fake, I know who is behind them..." At those words Jeongin finally stopped struggling. His breathing was hitched but when he finally calmed down, Felix let go of him giving the man a small smile. "Lia took the pictures, she found out about you and Chan. She seems to hold a grudge against you..." Jeongin shook his head, his hands in his hair pulling it. "That's not possible, Lia was my friend, why would she hold a grudge against me, how could she have known about me and Chan..." He glared at Felix shaking his head. "You only came here a few days ago, and you already believe you know everything... You are lying."

Felix pulled his legs up wrapping his arms around them while he looked at the other with sad eyes. "Jeongin, I heard them talking... on the roof." Jeongin just shook his head. "No, I don't believe you, it is not true." Felix reached out a hand but Jeongin slapped it away. "She was talking to Chaeryeong, I was there with Changbin, he can vouch for me, what I say is true... I'm sorry Jeongin." He reached out again, this time successfully taking Jeongin's hand. "If this is true, then you can clear your name... we can force her to tell the truth... everyone will know it was all fake..." Jeongin just shook his head. "It doesn't matter, things won't go back to normal... I lost my friends; I will never get them back. Felix stood up, shaking his head. "Talk to Chan, talk to Hyunjin... Changbin and I will help you... all of this it was a big misunderstanding. We can fix it, if we all work together."

All the strength seemed to leave Jeongin's body as he sat down on the bed next to Felix. Felix wrapped his arms around him and they just laid there until they both fell asleep. Felix dreaming about his evening with Changbin, and Jeongin having nightmares about talking to Hyunjin and Chan and being rejected again.

**Changbin**

"Hyunjin open the fucking door, I know you are in there." Changbin shouted as he kept pounding on Hyunjin's door. He could hear someone shuffling on the other side of the door, Hyunjin had to be awake. "Let me in!" He kicked the door again, continuously pounding on it with his fist. Finally, he heard a frustrated scream from the other side. After a few seconds Hyunjin finally pulled the door open, looking angry. "The fuck do you want? Do you have any idea what time it is? What if my roommate was here?" Changbin rolled his eyes pushing Hyunjin aside and walking into the room "Don't pretend like you were actually sleeping, and your roommate spends most of his time in his girlfriend's dorm room... is that..." he stopped in the middle of the room staring at a bottle of whiskey on Hyunjin's desk. Hyunjin quickly walked past him grabbing the bottle "It's still closed. I didn't drink it." Hyunjin waved the bottle in front of Changbin, showing that it was still closed. Changbin frowned at the bottle and then looked at his friend. "You were planning on drinking it though..." He watched as Hyunjin set the bottle back down and sat down on his bed, head in his hands. "Maybe... I don't know?"

"Is it because off...?" Hyunjin just nodded, Changbin let out a sigh and dropped in the chair next to the desk, keeping his eyes on the bottle. "The pictures aren't real, Felix overheard Lia talking, she fabricated the pictures to keep Jeongin and Chan apart. Who knows what else she has done to mess with us?" Hyunjin let out a small sound shaking his head in his hands. Changbin frowned turning to Hyunjin. "Do you hear me, the pictures were fabricated... it was all fake, Jeongin was under a lot of pressure, both of you were drunk and distressed that night. I am certain Seungmin still loves you, he is so proud of you for not drinking anymore. Jeongin still wants to be your friend, I am sure he never thought you were disgusting it was just the moment and the stress and pressure he was under. You can fix all of this if you talk to them, give them a chance to explain and admit your own fault." Hyunjin let out an angry growl throwing his pillow at Changbin's face before standing up "You really don't get it... do you? How can you when you don't even know everything that happened Changbin? Years you have been cold and distant scared to let anyone close, and now suddenly you decide that you will be the hero, the glue that pieces everything together. You don't even understand basic sign of human interaction, how can you be the glue in any relationship. Besides what do you think will happen when that glue will leave? And you will leave won't you Changbin?" Hyunjin was breathing heavy, Changbin couldn't say anything, just stared at his friend in shock.

He knew he was bad with making friends, he knew he wasn't great at seeing what happened in a person's head, even if it was straight up visible on their face. Hyunjin was usually the one that explained what he did. But he had been working on it, trying to be closer to people in the past years, Hyunjin knew that. "Hyunjin..." he started softly but Hyunjin just raised his hand "You are my closest friend, yet you still don't know... you don't know that I don't love Seungmin, I haven't loved him for a long time even when we were still together. Yes, I care about him, he was my friend, and he is precious to me, but I don't love him. We broke up because I couldn't give him the care and love he wanted. I miss him yes, I miss him as my friend as the person I could talk to, but together we weren't good... he tried to change who I was, he couldn't accept me for who I am, he had so many expectations of me... and I didn't care enough to expect anything of him." Hyunjin fell back on the bed letting out a deep breath.

"I don't understand..." Changbin started after a few seconds. "If you didn't love him anymore, then... why did you fall apart like that?" His voice was soft scared to ask the question. He had always thought that Hyunjin behaved like that because of Seungmin. His plan had always been so easy. Chan gets back together with Jeongin, Hyunjin gets back together with Seungmin and they would all be happy again. Jisung and Minho would finally confess and then they would all be so busy no one would have time for him, and he could leave without anyone noticing. But then first Felix came into his life, and now Hyunjin doesn't love Seungmin, hasn't loved him for a long time. He was so confused.

Hyunjin just stared at Changbin for a while before letting out a sigh. "I loved Jeongin..." Changbin's eyes widened, his jaw dropping as he stared at his friend. "I loved him from the moment I met him, but I had Seungmin and he always showed interest in Chan..." Hyunjin looked out of the window in his room staring at the sky. "I knew how important his first night was for Jeongin... looking back on it... I didn't know he was with Chan, but I could guess it. We were both drunk and... Changbin, he initiated it... he said things. I knew he was drunk, and I should have stopped him, but when someone you love says things like that. I lost control..." Hyunjin looked at him with a sad smile. Changbin put his hand on the others leg and squeezed it slightly "Jeongin thinks you initiated it... that it was you..." Hyunjin nodded. "The next morning, he forgot about everything that happened that night... when I saw Chan's reaction, I knew for certain that they were together. Jeongin was heartbroken, he said I was disgusting and sided with Seungmin... I wanted to tell him and everyone that it was him that started it all, but then the pictures got released and he looked so defeated... people would have expected it from me anyways, so I just let it be like that."

"What happened between you and Chan after that..." Changbin asked, finally getting the full picture of that night. "Chan was my friend and I betrayed him, I told him what happened, what really happened that night. He didn't blame me... he blamed Jeongin instead and I was so angry at what Jeongin had said to Seungmin... I was hurt and heart broken. Don't you see Changbin, you try to fix everything, but you know nothing..." Changbin sat there holding Hyunjin's hands while he cried. "I should have never fallen in love with Jeongin... it would have been better if I never met him."

Hyunjin cried for a long time, letting out all the pain he was still holding onto. He cried until he fell asleep wrapped up in Changbin's arms. Hyunjin who loved Jeongin, Jeongin who had said things to Hyunjin that night. Hyunjin that told the truth to Chan, Chan who blamed Jeongin. But as time moved forward, more and more pieces found their place in the puzzle. He had all the broken pieces, now he just had to glue them back together. With a glue strong enough to hold, even when he was gone. The most important thing that he learned was that they all still cared for each other, they all missed each other and want to be friends again. Changbin stroked the others hair whispering softly to himself "Oh... Fuck, what did I get myself into."

——————————————————————————

❣ ** _Author Note_** ❣

HELLO, i wasn't going to update today, but well surprise, double update because i finished my biggest most stressful exam and i am so relieved so instead of studying for my other exam you guys get this!!!!

**_So whose side are you on? Who is to blame for everything that happened?_ **

**_Now you know the truth about the Jeongin – Hyunjin – Chan – Seungmin issue.._ **

**_But there is still the mystery around Changbin and Felix are you guys ready for that?_ **


	21. Minho & Seungmin

** Minho **

Minho laid on his bed staring at his phone. He stared at the messages he received from Changbin last night. It was Saturday and he had wanted to sleep in, and he would have slept for a lot longer if it wasn't for the sound of his phone.

_**Binnie:  
** _

_Did you know?_

_**Binnie:  
** _

_About Hyunjin?_

_**Binnie:  
** _

_And Chan and Jeongin?_

_**Binnie:  
** _

_About everything?_

Did he know what? That Hyunjin was in love with Jeongin? Hyunjin had never told him but, yes, he had guessed as much. Even though Minho hadn't been a part of their friend group, he had been close to Hyunjin since they met, they were in the same dance class and had always gotten along well. He had noticed it when Hyunjin eyes had started to wander, when Hyunjin and Seungmin's relationship started going downhill. Though Hyunjin never straight up told him that he had feelings for Jeongin, it had been obvious to Minho. He wondered why Changbin never noticed it... then again sometimes he wondered how Changbin got any friends at all, he liked the guy, but Changbin wasn't that good at reading people.

_**Minhoe:  
** _

_Yes, I knew..._

_**Binnie:  
** _

_Why didn't you tell me?_

_**Minhoe:  
** _

_It wasn't my story to tell..._

_**Binnie:  
** _

_Will you help me?_

_**Minhoe:  
** _

_Why are you so fixated on fixing everything now? It's been months?_

_**Binnie:  
** _

_If you help me, I will help you with Jisunggie, I know the perfect place you can take him on a date._

_**Binnie:  
** _

_Away from everyone, just the two of you. So, you can finally confess those feelings we all know you are holding._

It wasn't an answer to his question. Changbin had been acting weird for the past few weeks, when he had asked Hyunjin about it the guy said nothing, but Minho knew something was going. He could tell that it was bothering Hyunjin. Changbin didn't care much about anything, he was usually a bit in the back and an easy target for their teasing. Even though he stopped interacting with Jeongin when the others did, it always seemed like Changbin didn't interact with Jeongin for convenience, because he did not want to get involved with the drama. He always did what was easiest. So why was the guy so fixated to be in the middle of it now and then there was Felix. Hyunjin told him once that Changbin never showed interest in anyone. He played around with girls when he was going out clubbing but nothing serious. Never someone close to him, never a guy, and never someone in their friend group, even if Chaeryeong showed interest in him before he had just brushed her off, saying he didn't date close to home. Minho was sure that Changbin had kissed Felix, the actions of the Aussie boy confirmed it. He smirked as he quickly typed the message on his phone. He couldn't help it...

_**Minhoe:  
** _

_Is that the same place you took Felix when you kissed him?_

_**Binnie:  
** _

_How do you even know?_

_**Minhoe:  
** _

_You didn't deny it, is Binnie Binnie Changbinnie in love?_

_**Binnie:  
** _

_MinHOE do you want to help me fix this miscommunication bullshit going on or not?_

_**Minhoe:  
** _ _I will help you, on two conditions._

_**Minhoe:** _

_1\. The date with Jisung is as perfect as you say._

_2\. You admit that you like our cute little freckled boy._

He didn't like to admit it, but he could use some help with Jisung. He liked the guy, and he was certain after the last time the two of them met that Jisung liked him back. But it was awkward. Whenever they met it was only about Stray Kids, about practicing together, making the creating and practicing the choreography. It was only work. He wanted to take the man on a date, but it was difficult, they weren't able to leave campus, and on campus they always ended up running into people they know. He wanted time with the younger boy without worrying about outside factors, without everyone from the campus gossiping about it. Just the two of them. The best person to ask if you ever wanted to leave the campus was Changbin. He stared at his phone for a while watching ' _Changbin typing...'_ Appear and disappear. The other was obviously struggling. After a few minutes the message finally came through

**_Binnie_ ** _:  
_

_Yes... I like Felix._

**_Binnie_ ** _:  
_

_Text Jisung, and ask if he wants to meet you for lunch. Tell him to go to the southern entrance, When he gets there, he has to take the first off road path on the right and walk on that for about 10 minutes. That is when you will reach a special spot. Be sure to bring some lunch with you and wait for him there. Believe me you will thank me later._

_**Binnie:  
** _

_After you and Jisung got you lovey bullshit finally sorted out, you have to help me._

_**Minhoe:  
** _

_Only if the place is as perfect as you make me believe it is._

It wasn't that he did not want to help Changbin fix the issues with his friends, he wanted to help them all. The awkward atmosphere when all of them were together, the longing to be friends again they all have. He knew Hyunjin wanted his friends back. He wanted to fix the mistakes he made; he just didn't know how and had too much pride to try. They all had too much pride. Even though he wanted to help him, something inside Minho told him that Changbin was doing it for the wrong reasons. Helping Changbin could also lead to the answer of why the man was doing this. Anyways he had the perfect place for a date now. He grinned happily as he grabbed his phone again.

_**Minhoe:  
** _

_Want to have lunch together today?_

_**The Cutest Squirrel:  
** _

_I would love to, I heard Seungmin started working in one of the campus cafes should we go there and give him some support?_

Jisung responded straight away, putting a smile on Minho's face. He frowned at the answer, he knew Jisung was still in contact with Seungmin. Jisung was one of those people everyone loved, he was friends with everyone. No one judged him for still talking to Seungmin, and occasionally nodding towards Jeongin, it was just the way he was. When Minho found out about Jisung's happy and friendly personality he was hurt. The man talked with everyone except with him. It was Hyunjin and Changbin that started the teasing him, it was only later that they told him Jisung was really shy around him because Jisung had a crush on him. Knowing that, it should be easy to confess, right? Wrong! It made him more nervous around the other.

_**Minhoe:  
** _

_I was actually thinking of going somewhere, with just the two of us...._

_**The Cutest Squirrel:  
** _

_Oh... what did you have in mind?_

_**Minhoe:  
** _

_Go to the southern entrance, When you get there, take the first off road path on the right and walk on that for about 10 minutes._

_**The Cutest Squirrel:  
** _

_This either sounds like a Changbin plan, or like you are going to abduct me..._

_**Minhoe:  
** _

_I might abduct you... just for a day._

_**The Cutest Squirrel.  
** _

_I might let you._

He stared at the message for a while. He couldn't keep the bright grin from his face. He definitely wanted to abduct the guy, hold him captive. More than anything he wanted to hear that obnoxious loud laugh. He opened another name sending one last message before he should get up and prepare himself for his date with Jisung.

_**Minhoe:  
** _

_Jisung told me you started working at a cafe, can you maybe prepare a picnic basket for me?_

** Seungmin **

Seungmin grinned at the message on his phone, the cafe was quiet at the moment and he had some time to spare. It wasn't his original plan, working in a café, but he already spends most of his time here anyways. He auditioned for this year's showcase production, but they picked someone else, so he had a lot of time to spare. Was he bitter about it? Yes! Would he let it destroy his mood? No! he would not. He was a good actor, and he was perfect for musicals, the fact that they did not pick him this year was their loss, besides he still believed they were stupid for choosing a theatre piece over a musical piece.

**_Seungminnie_ ** _:_

_Romantic or Regular?_

**_Minhoe_ ** _:  
_

_Romantic, please._

Seungmin grinned, Minho asking for a romantic picnic, that was definitely something new, does this mean he is going on a date. If he is going on a date, it can only be with one person. He hoped it was with that person, it was painful to watch them both longing for each other. The little bell attached to the door rang and he quickly looked up from his phone, only to see Chan enter the cafe. Shit. He quickly put his phone away giving the man a smile. "What can I get for you?" Chan looked hesitant, like he wanted to run out of the cafe as soon as he saw Seungmin. "Iced latte, please." Seungmin tried to keep his smile as he prepared the drink and handing it over to the older. "Thank you... for inviting me to join Stray Kids." Chan nodded curtly. "Actually, it was Changbin that invited you... he is on a holy crusade and is pulling us all with him." Seungmin chuckled at the thought of Changbin doing anything holy. Chan made to walk away but stopped staring straight at Seungmin. "Can I ask you something?" Seungmin nodded. "Why aren't you angry at Jeongin?"

Seungmin took a step back behind the counter looking at the other surprised. He had known about Chan and Jeongin because Jeongin had told him, he always felt bad for the guy. Hyunjin must have told Chan about what had happened that night, but he wondered if Chan knew everything. Both Chan and Seungmin picked a different side, Chan sided with Hyunjin and blamed Jeongin. Seungmin sided with Jeongin, not because he blamed Hyunjin but because he had seen how broken the guy had been. He knew he lost his spot with Hyunjin, and that the others would most likely follow him. "Hyunjin and I broke up... even though it hurt... I couldn't be angry at him." Chan frowned at him but Seungmin shook his head. "You should've seen him, Jeongin was broken. He lost everything because of a mistake he couldn't remember making. Not just his friend but his entire reputation, his school life, everything was destroyed in one day. I couldn't leave him like that. He didn't deserve that." He had another reason, a selfish reason for sticking by Jeongin, but he would never mention it out loud. Chan nodded and turned around walking away. He stopped in the door opening turning around one last time. "Did you know then that Hyunjin loved him."

Seungmin gave the other a sad smile nodding, "I suspected it for a while... did you know?" Chan looked at him for a while before shaking his head at him. "I didn't..." With that he disappeared through the door, leaving Seungmin alone in the empty cafe. He had thought about it many times, the things that he could've done differently back then. He didn't regret siding with Jeongin, the sweet boy had been through enough. A small part of him always wondered if Jeongin returned Hyunjin's feelings. An even smaller part wondered how he would feel if the younger did return those feelings, and they would become friends again and then more... He was happy Jeongin was slowly starting to talk with the guys again, that he was slowly becoming friends with them again, but with Changbin trying to fix everything. With Changbin unveiling all the truths. He was scared that maybe... just maybe when they all found out the truth, he would be left behind. The reason he became friends with all of them in the first place was because he started dating Hyunjin, he liked the guys, he didn't have that many friends. The only person he could still really call his friend was Jeongin, but if Jeongin and Hyunjin started dating then he would be left behind, wouldn't he? That was his selfish reason for picking Jeongin's side, he was afraid that the other guys would leave him behind after his breakup with Hyunjin, but Jeongin was alone as well. They were alone together.

He liked the younger he really did, and he cared for him more and more as time went by. Still the guilt was there, the guilt of picking Jeongin because he was afraid of being alone.

——————————————————————————

❣ ** _Author Note_** ❣

**_This wasn't part of the original plan for the story, but someone requested a Minho point of view off things and now you get a lot more Minsung in the story than was the original plan. This started out as a Changlix story and is now slowly turning into a Hyunin and Minsung story._ **

**_I am not even sorry about it..._ **

**_Also, Seungmin enters the building once again with finally some screen time or writing time whatever you like the call it._ **


	22. Jisung

_***Some sexy touchy stuff is happening in this Chapter, read at your own discretion*** _

**Jisung**

He had been happy all morning, he was going on a date. A Date with Minho, away from the campus. He followed the instructions Minho send him closely until he reached the lake. His eyes widened as he stared at the blanket and pillows spread out on a small piece of grass next to the lake, a blushing Minho nervously standing in front of it. He was speechless for a moment. “I didn’t know there was a lake here…” He spoke as a way of greeting staring at the lake, at the blanket at everything. Minho gave him a small shy smile. “To be honest, neither did I…” When Jisung first got the text from Minho he figured that Changbin had something to do with it. Changbin was the only person he knew that actually left the campus regularly, who know his way around the forest around the school. The dark image of Changbin, his personality... It didn’t fit the scene before him. Then again, it seemed like there was still a hidden side to him.

Minho sat down on the blanket patting the spot beside him. Jisung happily took the spot on the blanket, watching how Minho took the food out of the basket. A thermos can with noodles, sandwiches, tea and orange juice, a plate of fruits and cheesecake. “Yah, Are you going to feed an orphanage with all this food Hyung?” Jisung couldn’t help but laugh as Minho looked up shocked between him and the food. “I just…. Figured you were hungry?” Jisung smiled popping a grape in his mouth. “You really are amazing, Hyung.” He had been nervous all morning about their big date but now that they were finally alone, in this beautiful place and surrounded by all the food, he could finally let it go. He finally felt at ease. He moved to sit a little closer to the Minho while eating some of the fruit. “I’ve been in this school for almost three years and I never knew that there was a lake, now I’m almost graduating and it’s too cold to swim in it.” He pouted slightly as he looked at the water. He felt Minho moving behind him, an arm wrapping around his shoulder, he pressed back against him, moving as close to the dancer’s body as possible.

Minho sat down on the blanket patting the spot beside him. Jisung happily took the spot on the blanket, watching how Minho took the food out of the basket. A thermos can with noodles, sandwiches, tea and orange juice, a plate of fruits and cheesecake. “Yah, Are you going to feed an orphanage with all this food Hyung?” Jisung couldn’t help but laugh as Minho looked up shocked between him and the food. “I just…. Figured you were hungry?” Jisung smiled popping a grape in his mouth. “You really are amazing, Hyung.” He had been nervous all morning about their big date but now that they were finally alone, in this beautiful place and surrounded by all the food, he could finally let it go. He finally felt at ease. He moved to sit a little closer to the Minho while eating some of the fruit. “I’ve been in this school for almost three years and I never knew that there was a lake, now I’m almost graduating and it’s too cold to swim in it.” He pouted slightly as he looked at the water. He felt Minho moving behind him, an arm wrapping around his shoulder, he pressed back against him, moving as close to the dancer’s body as possible.

He was definitely blushing now; he was in this romantic place wrapped in the arms of the guy he liked. Once again, like so often when he was around Minho, he felt like he could die, but this time of happiness. He looked over his shoulder seeing Minho’s face close to his own. Closing his eyes, he leaned up slightly, pressing his lips to the elders. Minho didn’t even hesitate before kissing him back. His hand coming up to Jisung’s cheek. The kiss was soft and slow, too soft and slow for Jisung’s liking, he had waited for this for such a long time, he moved to sit up crawling up into Minho’s lap as he deepened the kiss. His arms wrapped around the man’s neck, het let out a small whine, a whine met with a chuckle from Minho. He took the chance and slid his tongue between Minho’s parted lips. Oh, how he long had waited for this kiss, how much he wanted it. When they finally broke apart Jisung slowly opened his eyes looking at Minho, he watched as Minho brought up his hand, his thumb brushing over his own lips with a mischief smile. “Guess he was right; all it takes is a kiss.” Jisung stared at the other in confusion

“Who is right?” He asked leaning back in the others lap. Minho just shook his head “No one…” The elder took a grape and put it between his lips before leaning in and feeding it to Jisung. The guy happily munched on it, remaining in the others lap. They spend the afternoon feeding each other pieced of food, stealing kisses and touching each other. Laughing and talking, while laying wrapped up in each other’s arms on that blanket next to lake. It was the perfect date.

Jisung had pushed the other, to lay on his back, sitting on top off him as he teased the older. Leaning close to kiss but every time their lips almost touched, he pulled away grinning happily. Minho played along until he had enough rolling them over, so he was hovering on top. Pressing his lips roughly against Jisung’s, immediately deepening the kiss as he rolled his hips down. Jisung let out an involuntary moan, blushing as he looked up, quickly covering his mouth with his hands. Minho just grinned rolling his hips down again. He took Jisung’s hands and pushed them to the side, capturing his lips again with his own. Immediately the kiss deepened, their tongues dancing together as Jisung’s hands moving into Minho’s hair tugging it as he rolled his hips up to meet the others. He felt Minho’s hands slowly moving down his side before going up his shirt, the cold hands tracing his skin leaving him with goosebumps. “Minho…” He whined the name softly into the kiss their hips rolling together. His legs moved up wrapping them around Minho’s waist. Yes, he could definitely feel something hardening in Minho’s pants. Moving his own hands down he grabbed the hem of the dancer’s shirt lifting it slightly. He couldn’t believe this was happening, that he was doing this with the man he had been longing after for so long. He couldn’t believe all of this was real…

That was until his phone started ringing, interrupting them both. Minho pulled back slightly looking at him with swollen lips and tousled hair. Oh, how much he wanted to ignore that phone. He just shook his head pulling Minho down again, pressing their lips together. No, he did not want this to end yet. His phone kept ringing, soon joined by Minho’s. He groaned pressing his head into Minho’s neck willing the phones to stop ringing, but they kept going. It was Minho who finally pulled away reaching around to find his phone somewhere discarded on the blankets, throwing Jisung his own phone. He caught it just as both phones suddenly stopped ringing. He looked up at Minho who just shrugged at him and crawled back over, just as their lips pressed together again, his phone went off in his hand. Minho fell through his hands-on top off him. Jisung sighed,

_Caller Id: Changbin._

“Oh Fuck, group practice…” He whispered softly feeling Minho stiffen on top off him. The older looked up at him with wide eyes before looking at the caller. “They are going to kill us.” Jisung nodded before slowly picking up the phone bringing it to his ear.

“WHERE THE F*CK ARE YOU TWO? I have been trying to reach you for almost 30 minutes now. Do you realise the two of you made the choreography and that the two of you are supposed to teach us? GET YOUR ASSES DRESSED AND GET OVER HERE WITHIN TEN MINUTES OR I WILL TELL MINHO WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU IN THE JANITORS CLOSET AFTER OUR FIRST STAGE. Oh, and tell Minho, that he owes me big time and if he defiled my special place, I would hurt him with a spoon.” Jisung had to remove the phone from his ear at Changbin’s screaming, exchanging a look with Minho “Why a spoon?” He whispered softly, almost afraid to ask. “Because it hurts more.” Changbin calmly responded in that dark and husky voice of his that send shivers down Jisung’s body. “GET OVER HERE NOW! ITS ALREADY A SHIT SHOW HERE! I CAN USE SOME BACK UP!” Changbin hung up the phone without waiting for a reply.

Jisung just stared wide eyed at Minho who sat in front of him. He could still see the hardness in his pants, he could feel the hardness in his own pants, but they had to go. He wasn’t sure if Changbin would be able to skin them alive using just a spoon, but he didn’t want to wait and find out. They quickly cleared up their mess putting everything in a basket. “So, you took me to Changbin’s special place?” Minho stopped for a moment and Jisung could see the other contemplating what to say. He couldn’t help but laugh. The older was definitely cute, he couldn’t believe he just spend most of his afternoon making out with the guy. “Who would have thought Changbin had a place like this…” He continued when he realised that Minho was hurting his brain by trying to find anything to say. Minho just turned around and gave him a bright smile “To be honest I didn’t expect this when Changbin told me about the place, but the guy seems to be surprising me a lot lately.” When they finished cleaning up Minho grabbed his hand, and they started their way back. “Why is Changbin surprising you lately?” Jisung turned to look at him with a confused face.

“Did you know Changbin has a crush on Felix…” Jisung nodded, he had figured something like that. His friend had a weird obsession with the Aussie boy ever since the guy entered the school, it was honestly funny to see. “Did you also know he randomly kissed Felix?” Jisung stopped gaping at the other. “NO WAY!”

——————————————————————————

❣ ** _Author Note_** ❣

**_I have been giving everyone so much angst and drama, so here is some sexy fluff for you all…. Now it’s time to go back to our regular schedule of DRAAMMMAAA!!!_ **


	23. Seungmin & Felix

**Seungmin**

He immediately went to the dance studio after his shift in the cafe was over. He knew he was early, but he could do some practicing on his own. As he entered the dance studio, he first did some stretching before warming up his voice. When both his body and voice were warmed up, he turned on the stereo the song ‘God’s Menu’ booming out of the speakers. He was still impressed with the amazing song 3RACHA made and was honoured he could be part of the group. He started practicing his own lines. He was in the middle of singing when the door of the studio opened, and someone entered the room. He didn’t notice the other as he continued practicing until the man awkwardly cleared his throat at the end of the song. Seungmin turned around in shock staring at him for a bit.

Hyunjin finally stopped the awkward silence “Your singing is still amazing, it got even better than before.” Seungmin let out a nervous laugh at that. “Thank you… I practiced a lot.” He walked over to the stereo turning the music off. He watched as Hyunjin moved to the middle of the room and started doing some warmup exercises on his own. He moved to the wall and sat down watching the other, amazed by the man’s flexibility, apparently, he was not the only one who had been practicing. “Do you hate me?” He couldn’t keep the question in any longer. It had been bothering him from the moment the two of them stopped talking. Hyunjin stopped his exercised and turned around to look at him. He wanted to run away, Seungmin could see it in Hyunjin’s face. They were together for almost two years, he knew Hyunjin. He could read him like a book. “Do you hate me for not being there for you? For choosing Jeongin’s side, for everything that happened… during and after?”Hyunjin shook his head “You are the one that should hate me…”

Seungmin smiled sadly. “I knew for a long time, that you didn’t love me anymore, but I held onto you, I knew you loved someone else, but I held on to you, not out of love, but because I was afraid of being alone.” He looked down, playing with his shoelaces. He felt Hyunjin sitting down next to him. “I wouldn’t have left you behind, we made a promise in the beginning didn’t we, that we wouldn’t leave anyone behind. I cared about you always, I just didn’t love you like that anymore.” Seungmin looked up at the other. “But we did, didn’t we… we all left someone behind… I left you behind, you left me behind and all of you, you all left Jeongin behind.” He tried but he couldn’t leave the reproach out of his voice. Hyunjin flinched, “and now, Changbin of all people, is trying to fix our mistakes…”

“It isn’t Changbin’s mistakes to fix though… it is yours and mine, Chan’s and Jeongin’s….” Seungmin let out a breath staring up at the ceiling of the dance studio. “Then we should fix it together.” Hyunjin took his hand and squeezed it. “Starting with us…?” Seungmin smiled at that. “Do you still love him? Jeongin I mean?” Hyunjin took his hand back like Seungmin’s hand had given him a shock and stood up turning his back to him “I do…” He let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. “Does Chan still love him?” Seungmin moved closer to the other. “I don’t know…” He moved in front of Hyunjin “Do you regret it.” Hyunjin shivered “I regret hurting them, I wanted to be with him so badly, he said he wanted me too… I should have known he was drunk and stopped it, I should have known the drunken words weren’t true… I regret hurting them so much.”he made Hyunjin lift his head to look at him. “If you want to fix this, maybe you should start with them… maybe you should let them find each other again, maybe you should let them be happy. If you really love him, you should help him find his way back to the man he loves.” He moves closer wrapping his arms around Hyunjin. Everything was going to be alright… for all of them. Everything would work out. Hyunjin hugged him back holding him tight “I promise I won’t leave you behind again…” Seungmin smiled, a tension he did not know he had was easing out of his body, he had missed Hyunjin. He had missed his friend. “Thank you.” He whispered in return.

**Felix**

He couldn’t help it; he was almost skipping steps as he made his way to the dance studio. He was happy. So happy. Friendships were being fixed; he was kissing Changbin everything was going great. Even the news that he still had to make an art piece for the show case wasn’t as bad as it normally was. He had planned to ask Changbin to join him at the studio as a good luck charm and as a distraction while he painted. He turned the corner to their dance studio as he spotted Chan standing there with his back to him. He raised his hand to wave and yell out for him, just as he spotted Jeongin, running away from them. Chan turned around making move as if to go after him, but he spotted Felix. When Jeongin ran past him he could see tears in his eyes. After a moment of looking at Felix, Chan ran after the Jeongin leaving Felix confused in the hallway. He made his way over to the studio and saw through the slid in the door Hyunjin and Seungmin hugging. Did they make up?

“Did I just see Chan running out of the studio? I thought we had practice.” He turned around to see Changbin, he couldn’t stop the blush that crept up on his cheeks. “He was following Jeongin, who was crying.” He pointed to the open door where Seungmin and Hyunjin were still hugging. Changbin frowned beside him as he pushed the door open. With a loud bang it hit against the side shocking the two guys that were inside. Felix awkwardly followed Changbin into the room. Changbin turned to him and spoke loud enough for the other two to hear him clearly as well “How long have Jeongin and Chan been standing outside of that door?” Felix looked confused at Changbin, turning to Hyunjin as he heard a colourful number of profanities coming from his lips. Only to watch him being hit not the head by an embarrassed looking Seungmin “Language.”

“I don’t know… I arrived shortly before you, Jeongin ran away in tears and Chan followed after him…” Hyunjin immediately took off, stopping as he just exited the door. “They went in the direction of the Theatre…” Changbin spoke rolling his eyes. “Try the dressing rooms behind the stage, it is where Jeongin likes to hide.” Seungmin added and with a nod Hyunjin was off. Felix still looked confused between the two remaining guys, but they ignored him. Changbin turned to Seungmin. “Are you okay with this?” Seungmin shrugged and smiled at the other “He promised he wouldn’t leave me behind again… I want to believe him this time.”

Felix stared between the two of them before lifting his hands “Helloooo!!! What the fuck is going on?” Both Changbin and Seungmin turned to him at the same time “Language.” They spoke in unison before laughing.

——————————————————————————

❣ **_Author Note_ ** ❣

**_So, the scene has been set, Seungmin and Hyunjin are friends again. Jeongin’s troubles might finally be over… or they are just beginning._ **


	24. Jeongin & Hyunjin

**Jeongin**

He couldn’t believe it. Hyunjin loved him. He furiously wiped away the tears that were clouding his eyes so he would be able to see where he was going, stumbling up the stairs of the theatre. His safe place. Hyunjin loved him, he had loved him all this time. He ran through the hallways till he reached the backstage. Furiously looking around till he found the dressing room. He quickly moved inside sitting behind the clothing racks, his arms wrapped around his legs. He thought about what Hyunjin had told Seungmin about that night, the night he could not remember. He had told Hyunjin he wanted it, that he wanted Hyunjin, he had been the one that initiated it. Memories of that drunken night, the time he had forgotten came flooding back to him.

_He took another sip of the bottle laughing as Hyunjin laid in his lap. The beautiful Hyunjin, his friend and roommate. He remembered having a crush on the guy when he had first arrived, but he found out the man already had a boyfriend, so he let it go. He met Chan soon after that, the sweet and nice Chan who took care of him. He had fallen in love with Chan, even though he had always admired Hyunjin, always secretly looked at him, but it was Chan who he loved now, even if he never forgot about Hyunjin and now that beautiful Hyunjin was sprawled in his lap. He took another sip of the drink as Hyunjin whined for the bottle. He just leaned over without thinking and pressed his lips to the other. Feeding the male alcohol with his lips. It seemed like such a good idea at that moment, he had wanted to taste him and then they were kissing._

_Kissing more and more passionately._

_Jeongin started to take his clothes of._

_Hyunjin trying to stop him_

_“I love you.”_

_“I love you, too”_

Jeongin took his hair in his hands pulling it. He had wanted it, he initiated it. The day after he had been angry, he had felt disgusted. It had all been his fault. He hurt Hyunjin, he hurt Chan. They had all right to be angry at him. He was the terrible person everyone made him out to be. He felt like something heavy pressing on his chest. It was all his fault.

Everything was his fault.

He started hitting his chest with his fist, he couldn’t breathe. Everything was his fault. What had he done?

The clothing in the rack hiding him was pushed aside revealing Chan. Chan the person who looked after him, the person who cared for him. The person who had helped. Chan never deserved the pain Jeongin put him through. He looked up tears straining his eyes. He wanted to apologise, he wanted to beg for forgiveness, but he couldn’t talk, he couldn’t breathe.

“Oh my god, Jeongin, calm down.” The older wrapped his arms around him holding him tight. “Breathe, sweetheart, breath.” Jeongin breath hitched at the nickname, tears streaming from him eyes. He did not deserve this warmth, Chan’s warmth, he did not deserve this consolation. “Jeongin its okay, you are going to be okay.” Jeongin shook his head his breathing getting even more panicked. Chan pulled back slightly making the other look at him. “You need to calm down first, then we can talk… I am going to count to ten, count with me okay… “He took Jeongin’s hand placing it on his own heart before slowly starting to count. Jeongin kept looking at the others face, trying to count with him. His body was slowly calming down. After his breathing finally calmed down, Chan wrapped him back in his arms rocking him slightly.

“It was all my fault, all my fault. I am so sorry… I’m sorry…” Chan just held him not saying anything. “You must hate me…” Jeongin finally looked up as he felt Chan move. He saw the other shaking his head. He wiggled slightly getting out his arms, moving his legs underneath him and bowing down till his forehead hit the floor. “I am so sorry for hurting you…” Chan pulled him up again smiling softly. “I don’t hate you, I never hated you… When I saw you together in bed, I thought it was me… that I had done something wrong and that that was the reason you went to Hyunjin. Then I saw the pictures and I thought you used me. I was hurt but I didn’t hate me. Hyunjin found me and told me the truth.” Chan looked away. “Hyunjin told me you were both drunk and that you didn’t mean for it to happen. He also told me that you had told him you loved him.” Jeongin trembled crawling away from the other. “You know… drunk people tend to act without thinking and tell the truth… I got so angry that day. I realised the truth was that you didn’t love me, that you loved Hyunjin.” Jeongin reached out wanting to take the others hand but quickly retracted it again holding it against his chest. “I did love you…” Chan shook his head “I treated you like a little brother not like a lover. You were comfortable around me, but you didn’t love me. From the beginning you wanted someone to take care of you and I wanted to take care of someone, it was never love, you looked up to me, but you did not love me.”

“It hurt my pride.”

Jeongin looked up at him, reaching his hand out again taking Chan’s in his own. “I saw you at the showcase, I knew you were struggle and I wanted to be there for you, but I couldn’t let go off my pride.” Chan gave him a sad smile. “I’m sorry for not being there for you when you needed me, for being unable to let go off my pride.” Jeongin violently shook his head. You did nothing wrong. I hurt you. It has all been my fault.” Chan squeezed his hand softly “I was older… I should have known, should have looked out for you, I should have looked out for everyone, instead my pride got in the way. In the end we both… no, all of us… we were all wrong, but afraid to admit to it.”Jeongin crawled forward, tears still streaming down his face as he wrapped his arms around the older, holding him close. To his relieve, Chan hugged him back.

**Hyunjin**

Jeongin had heard him, Chan had heard him. He was screwed. He quickly ran after them, to the theatre. As he reached the dressing room he sank down to the floor. Chan was there, holding a crying Jeongin in his arms. Chan had always been first. The amazing music producer Chan, the most lovable and kind guy in all of Veltica. The leader everyone wished for, he got hurt because of everyone around him, but he still remained friends with them, even after Hyunjin confessed everything, Chan remained his friend, and was there for him when he needed him. He should let Jeongin go, he had messed enough with their relationship, It’s like Seungmin said, both Chan and Jeongin deserved to be happy. They deserved to be happy together. He needed to take a step back and support them. He couldn’t move in there; he couldn’t ruin the moment the two of them where having. They deserved this. He quietly got off from the floor again making this way back to the dance studio. 

When he reached the dance studio, he spotted Seungmin, Changbin and Felix sitting in a circle. Changbin and Seungmin aggressively dialling numbers on his phone while Felix was laughing. It was the freckled guy that spotted him first. Quietly getting up as Changbin started cursing. “Chan and Jeongin?” Felix asked softly. Hyunjin gave him a smile “They are talking, I think they are going to be okay.” He noticed the sad smile on Felix his lips. In such a short amount of time Felix had been able to become such an important part in their group, he probably did not even realise how much he had done for Changbin, how he made him smile again, how much he had done for all of them. Felix moved in and wrapped Hyunjin in his arms. It was at that moment that Hyunjin realised how much he had wanted, no needed, a hug, and how comforting Felix his arms where. He wrapped his arms around Felix hugging him tight. Whispering softly in the youngers ear “Thank you.”

Felix pulled back giving him a smile before taking his hand and bringing him to the other two. Felix sat back down next to Changbin giving him a smile. Hyunjin took his place next to Felix.

“It’s already been an hour since we had planned to meet, I have been trying to reach those dipshits for 30 minutes I swear to god if they don’t pick up the phone within this minute I am going to go over there and drag their asses back, naked or not.” Changbin ranted on. “Language…” Seungmin brought out in an annoyed tone, rolling his eyes at Changbin. Hyunjin gave Felix a confused look, Felix leaned over whispering in his ear. “Apparently Changbin told Minho about his special place and he took Jisung there on a date, but now the two of them are late and not picking up the phone…” he was cut off by Changbin jumping up as Jisung finally picked up the phone.

“WHERE ARE YOU TWO? I have been trying to reach you for almost 30 minutes now. You do realise that you two are in charge of the choreography and are supposed to teach us. GET YOUR ASSES DRESSED AND OVER HERE WITHIN TEN MINUTES OR I WILL TELL MINHO WHAT HAPPENED IN THE JANITORS CLOSET AFTER OUR FIRST STAGE. Oh, and tell Minho, that he owes me big time and if he defiled my special place, I would hurt him with spoon.”

Felix rolled over the floor laughing at Changbin shouting and Jisungs mumbling over the phone, his laugh at was infectious and for a moment Hyunjin forgot everything as he had started laughing along with him, soon joined by Seungmin. Changbin took of his shoe and threw it at Felix as he continued shouting through the phone. Changbin just stood there glaring at the three guys laughing on the floor. “Why a spoon…” Felix brought out between laughs hearing the same question through the phone. “Because it hurts more.” Changbin responded calmly while looking at Felix, who in turn just laughed harder. “GET OVER HERE NOW! ITS ALREADY A SHIT SHOW HERE, I COULD USE SOME BACK UP!” Changbin screamed through the phone before hanging up “Stop laughing Lixie.” He managed to bring out before tackling Felix. Hyunjin watched the interaction between the two. He had never seen Changbin move so easily around people. A silent hope crept up in his body that maybe, maybe Felix would be a reason for Changbin to stay. Maybe if he loved the other enough Changbin wouldn’t leave to go to America, leaving all of them behind. He never told Changbin, but he wanted him to stay, even though it was a great opportunity, and he did not blame the guy for taking it. Changbin belonged with them, especially now their friends where finally finding their way back to each other.


	25. Changbin

**Changbin.**

Changbin was pinning a struggling Felix to the floor as the door opened. He heard Jisung’s whistle before he could turn around. “We hurried all the way over here because we thought you were angry but here you are making your own little moves.” He watched as Felix his head turned bright red, quickly pushing him off, sitting next to the guy he watched as the four remaining members of their team entered the room. Both Minho and Jisung looked like hot mess, Jeongin looked like a mess as well but for a whole different kind of mess, with puffy eyes and a red nose. The only one that looked normal was Chan, but something seemed to have changed in his demeanour. He quickly got up clearing his throat. He stood there for a moment scanning the interaction between all of them. Seungmin nervously glancing at Hyunjin, Hyunjin staring at Jeongin with sadness and longing, Jeongin’s red eyes from crying, Chans embarrassed face. Jisung’s evil grin and swollen lips, Minho’s messed up hair and matching swollen lips and Felix his red face on the floor. He let out a groan and rolled his eyes. “We are a mess.” Chan let out with an exasperated sigh making everyone in the room laugh. “But we are your mess.” Jisung said blowing a kiss and winking at the oldest in the room. Chan threw a glare at him but before he could say anything else, a shoe was thrown at Jisungs head. He looked at the direction it came from as noticed that Changbin wasn’t wearing any shoes anymore.

“CAN WE FINALLY GET THIS PRACTICE OVER WITH… “Changbin started to scream but halfway through his sentence realised it was too loud for the small space they were in “we still need to learn a second song after this one is done, and I am done with all your bullshit.” He tried to come sternly across, but with him standing there with his arms crossed and kitten socks, it lost all impact. Hyunjin walked up to him patting his head. “Ah, looks like helpful happy Changbin is gone again we got dark Changbin back. Felix maybe you should…” Before he could finish the sentence Changbin tackled him to the ground. He hit the floor with a loud bang. Changbin angry glared at all the people in the room. “Chan get your head out of your ass and lead this pack of zoo animals. Minho fix your hair, I feel disgusted just looking at you, take Felix and Hyunjin and warm up. NOW!” Chan let out a laugh, but with one last glare from Changbin he finally turned serious.

“You guys heard him, go warm up. We need to practice this song together as a team before we can move onto the next song.” He clapped his hands and with the words of their leader they all moved into position. Changbin didn’t miss the look Chan and Jeongin shared. Even though he was annoyed at all of them for the delay of their practice, he couldn’t help but secretly smile to himself as he watched everyone working together. Compared to the last time they were all in a room together, there was a huge difference in the atmosphere. Even though Hyunjin and Jeongin still tried to avoid looking at each other or being close together. The general spirit in the room had lifted. Chan even went over to Jeongin to help him, after all this time, they were finally okay, or at least at the beginning of being okay, Hyunjin and Seungmin talked to each other and even laughed a bit, and everyone seemed to relax a bit more. He saw Minho and Jisung openly flirting. He felt Felix next to him his hand in his own and smiled. “Looks like everything turned out okay.” He squeezed the others hand smiling. “Yes, Dr Phil, you did well…” Felix responded, giving him a quick peck on the cheek, surprising him.

Chan clapped his hand “Everyone is position we are starting the official practice now.” With that Minho, Felix and Hyunjin guided everyone in position for the dance. They spend the whole afternoon practicing. Working together as a team, both serious and laughing. When Chan finally gave the signal that they were done they all fell to the floor exhausted. Chan walked to the stereo, turning it off, when he turned around, he noticed his entire team laying on the floor. “Tomorrow we will send each of you the second song. Practice your lines well. Monday we will start with practicing both singing and dancing God’s Menu. Then do a practice round of singing for the other song. Hyunjin, Minho and Felix, I trust you three to create another dance. Tomorrow its Sunday so you will all have the day off, rest well and prepare yourselves for Monday. Dismissed.” Changbin just looked at their leader, for a moment being very impressed by him. Chan really took his role as a leader serious and he was made for the position. Compared to how the members reacted to him a couple hours ago, when Chan said something, they all listened. Changbin walked over to Felix sitting down next to him on the floor. Sticking his tongue out at Hyunjin who was wiggling his eyebrows.

Felix opened his eyes and looked up at him smiling. A, smile could melt the entire North Pole. “Did you enjoy it? Your first official team practice with Stray Kids.” Felix nodded closing his eyes again and laying back. Changbin could count the drops of sweat moving down Felix his face, down his neck pooling in his exposed collarbone. He wanted to lick it. He quickly shook his head. He needed to get those dirty thoughts out of his head. “Binnie…” it felt different when the nickname came from Felix. It send a tremble through his body. He was definitely whipped for the boy. “Tomorrow, do you have any plans?” Changbin looked up, Jisung was busy with Minho and Chan was sitting in a corner fixing the music for their next track. He was sure Chan wanted to go over the details of the second song tomorrow, but Jisung seemed busy enough, and he would rather spend his day with Felix as well. “I’m sure I can get the day off… why do you ask?”

Felix opened his eyes staring at the ceiling. “I need to make a painting, if I don’t make one for the show case, I won’t be able to stay here. They send a notice that I need to hand in my concept before the end of the week.” The room became silent, they all seemed to have heard him and it felt like everyone was holding their breath. Felix had become an important member of their team so fast, Felix who helped all of them. Who told them to communicate again, who was a little piece of sunshine. With everything else that had been going on it had been easy to forget the struggles of the young boy. Felix couldn’t paint. No that wasn’t right, Felix could paint he had seen the other paint before. Felix turned to look at him “Will you help me tomorrow? I like it here… I don’t want to leave.” He felt his heart breaking for the guy. Looking around the room his eyes found Chan who nodded at him. He noticed all the guys looking at him all nodding. Did they all know? He turned to look at Felix again and nodded. “Yes, of course I will help you. I will meet you at your studio okay?” Felix nodded closing his eyes again.

Chan clapped his hands again. “As I don’t think any of you are in any state to move anytime soon? How about I order some food. My treat, because we had a successful training” His proposal was met with tired cheers and he chuckles. Changbin looked up gratefully at the guy for breaking the silence that Felix his question had caused. Chan ordered the food, and they all ate together. He was disgusted by Jisung feeding Minho rice cakes and realised Stray Kids really were a bunch of zoo animals thrown together. They were a mess jumping and singing together and the noise they could make was terrible. Chan sat down beside Changbin at some point as they watched Felix and Jisung doing weird dances, Seungmin joining them soon after. “I don’t know what you did to him, but please don’t hurt him.” Changbin turned to look at Chan. “He is fragile… and he obviously cares about you, even before he stopped painting, when, for days he could lock himself up in his art room at home, Felix never invited anyone to join him there. Please don’t hurt him.” Chan got up after that, joining the September line in their weird dances.

Changbin stared at Felix. He wanted to promise Chan he wouldn’t hurt the guy, but he was afraid he couldn’t keep that promise. His eyes found Hyunjin who had been staring at them, and who was now shaking his head at him. He was happy his friend’s problems where slowly going away, but it seemed like he was creating trouble for himself.


	26. Felix

**_*This chapter contains smut, if you are not a fan of this you can skip the italic part, I would recommend reading through the parts that are not italic because they are important. *_ **

**Felix**

Felix turned on the lights in his studio, opening one of the top windows to let the air in. There was still dried-up paint splatter on the floor. He moved to the back where the canvasses were stacked against the wall. Slowly removing them revealing the last painting he made. He moved the canvas to the side and sat in front of it. He couldn’t help but wonder if it was going to be the last painting he would ever make. The painting had been stuck in his head for so long that when he finally painted it, it left behind an emptiness. For the first time since he can remember… he didn’t know what to pain. He stood up again placing the painting in its hiding place, now that it was dry, he put a sheet on top off it successfully hiding it completely from view. He placed a new canvas in the middle of the room preparing the paints and brushes around him. Before sitting down staring at it. The smell around him still making him feel sick.

He teared his eyes away when he heard a soft knock on his door “Come in…” He spoke the words softly, but he was sure the other had heard him as Changbin entered the room. “Welcome in my hell and heaven.” Felix spoke sarcastically. “I think you are supposed to cover the floor and walls when you are painting.” Changbin noted as he noticed the paint splatter on the wall and the floor. Felix just shrugged waving the comment away. Changbin let out a chuckle sitting down next to him. “Do you know what you want to paint for the show case.” Felix let out a groan and let himself fall to the side, his head ending up in Changbin’s lap but his eyes never leaving the white canvas. “I don’t know… its strange, for so long I fought against the paintings appearing in my head, the smell of paint making me sick. I didn’t want to paint, but the paintings kept appearing. Now I want to paint, no I have to paint, but nothing seems to come to mind.” Changbin grabbed a tube of painting opening it “Why does the smell of paint make you sick.” Felix closed his eyes memories flooding back. “Because I smelled the paint while bad things were happening.” He knew he was being vague, but he didn’t want Changbin to know the truth. He didn’t want Changbin to know how dirty he was. “Then maybe we should make good memories with the smell of paint.” Felix opened his eyes confused only to be met with a finger filled with yellow paint on his nose. “Yah!” Felix screamed quickly getting up from the others lap.

The smell of paint filling his nose giving him a nauseating feeling. He looked up at Changbin who was grinning at him. His fingers covered in paint as he advanced on Felix. “No…” Felix pointed at the other making a move to run but Changbin grabbed him. Putting paint on his arms and his shirt. Felix laughed as the other tickled him in his side, the nausea slowly disappearing as Changbin was distracting him. He grabbed some of the white paint, spreading it on his hands before pressing them against Changbin’s black shirt. He smiled as the other moved closer to him. Closing the distance Changbin pressed his lips against his own. Felix closed his eyes returning the kiss. His paint covered hands moving into Changbin’s hair. Changbin moved him back pushing him up against the wall and Felix melted into the kiss. He felt Changbin’s tongue pressing against his lips and happily parted them, sucking on his tongue as he pressed his hips slightly forward. It was Changbin who took a step back, moving his own paint covered hand through his hair. Felix leaned against the wall his eyes checking out the male before him. “How do we close those goddamn windows.” Changbin brought out in a husky voice as he pointed to the windows behind him. Felix grinned moving over to the switch. Turning it and watched as the curtains slowly rolled down. It was only when the curtains completely closed that he felt Changbin pressing up against his back again. His hands covered in a new layer of paint. Moving under his shirt, feeling his toned abs, up to his neck. Felix moved his hips back pressing himself closer to the other as Changbin kissed his neck.

He quickly turned around pulling Changbin closer to him, pressing their lips back together. He tugged Changbin’s shirt, wanting the annoying piece of fabric out of the way. Changbin chuckled taking his own shirt off before making quick work of Felix his shirt. Felix his hand travelled down Changbin’s stomach, down his arms, leaving a small trail of paint. He looked up meeting the other eyes and kissed him again. The kiss turning wilder. Changbin fumbled with his belt, taking it off and pushing his pants down as they moved through their room, Changbin’s hand moving over his butt, gripping them tightly their lips never parting as he felt himself being pressed up against another surface before Changbin slowly dragged him down to the floor. Laying Felix before him as he kissed down his chest, tasting his nipples and spreading the pain on his skin. He pushed Felix his pants further down. Felix arched his back as he felt Changbin’s lips moving down his body. His hand tugging into Changbin’s hair. A hiss escaped his lips as his member hit the cold air and suddenly his breathing started picking up. Another day, another place in the same situation. Her hands on him covering him in paint. “Felix?” He could hear Changbin’s voice somewhere far away _“You are such a good boy? Just like that Felix…”_ His breathing became heavier. The paint made him feel sick. He felt two hands roughly grabbing his head opening his eyes he looked up at Changbin. “Felix… are you okay?” Felix breathed slowly moving to sit up. “I… I’m sorry… I…” He was lost for a moment; he had promised he would forget that it wouldn’t be a part of his life again. He was having such a beautiful moment with Changbin and she ruined it again.

“It’s fine, take a breath Felix, I’m sorry it’s my fault I moved to fast.” Changbin moved to stand up but Felix quickly grabbed his hand. “No!” He shook his head looking up at Changbin “Please… I want this… just please stay where I can see you.” Changbin swallowed but nodded leaning in slightly kissing Felix his lips again. “Tell me when you want me to stop…”

_But he didn’t, he didn’t want Changbin to ever stop doing what he was doing. Changbin’s hand on his body, moving down and grabbing his length he let out a gasp. He moved his own hands to meet with Changbin’s belt unbuckling it and lowering his pants. He pushed the male back slightly, moving in between his legs. He looked up at Changbin stroking his hard length before leaning down, wrapping his lips around the tip and sucking. He let out a groan dropping his head back with closed eyes as Felix bobbed his head. Changbin wasn’t her, Changbin was a man. Changbin was good. He swirled his tongue around the hard length taking it as far in his mouth as he could. He felt Changbin’s hand moving in his hair, holding onto it. “Fuck that feels good.” Felix smiled at the compliment letting the other go with a pop. He licked his lips seductively. Changbin moved to hover over him. His fingers covered in a lube like substance. He raised an eyebrow at the older, Jisung had told him that Changbin only dated girls. Changbin just shrugged “I did some research.”_

_He pushed Felix back laying him on the floor as he slowly circled his hole with his finger, pressing soft kisses to his shoulder and collarbone before pressing it in. Felix closed his eyes and let out a groan at the intrusion but Changbin was kissing up his Chin. “Don’t close your eyes, look at me…” He opened his eyes again and saw Changbin smiling at him as he slowly pushed the finger further inside him, moving it around and curling it until he found the spot. Felix arched his back letting out a moan and Changbin grinned. “Found it…” He whispered before leaning down, taking his nipple between his lips and sucking it while adding a second finger. Felix dragged his fingers up the others back as he moved his hips “Faster… please…” He whined as Changbin bit his nipples. Changbin slowly retracted his fingers._

_Felix couldn’t help but growl as Changbin took too long, he grabbed the other hips pulling him closer. “I want you… now” Changbin just grinned at him holding onto his waist before snapping his hips forward entering Felix in one smooth thrust. Felix arched his back throwing his head back with a loud moan as he felt the older fill him up. His nails digging into Changbin’s back. “Like that?” He heard Changbin’s husky voice whisper in his ear and he nodded. “Please… more…. Harder.” He couldn’t keep the whine out of his voice and Changbin started thrusting inside of him. He panted as he reached up his hands on Changbin’s cheek, covering the cheeks in even more paint. Felix didn’t even know where the paint was coming from anymore. He just brought the others lips closer kissing them sloppily, rolling his hips to meet the man’s thrusts. Changbin gave him a hard thrust before halting his hips, watching as Felix whines and wiggled beneath him._

_But he wasn’t having it, Felix pushed the other off him making him sit up before straddling his lap. He grinned at Changbin’s surprise face before lowering himself again on the others hard length. He slowly started riding him, his thrust getting rougher with every roll of his hips. Changbin’s hand found his member pumping him as he pounded his hips up. Changbin bit on his ear sucking the lobe softly before whispering “Will you cum for me…” With those words Felix let out a loud moan shooting his load over Changbin’s hand and chest slowly riding out his orgasm. Changbin pushed him back down, pounding him into the floor before he came as well._

They laid there for a while on the cold floor wrapped up in each other. Covered in paint. After his breathing slowed down again Felix turned around to look at Changbin only to see that the other had fallen asleep. Now that he thought about it, Changbin had always been awake. He sometimes wondered if the guy slept at all. His eyes trailed Changbin’s naked body and smiled to himself. Slowly getting out of the others embrace, he walked over to the side cleaning him up with a towel, for as far as was possible, before putting a sheet on top of him, ruffling another up and putting it under his head. He used another towel to clean himself up wrapped another sheet around him sitting down next to man for a while.

He smiled as he moved his hand through Changbin’s still in paint covered hair. The smell of paint and the paint covering his body, not making him feel sick for the first time in three years. He leaned closer and whispered softly in the others ear “Thank you.” He knew what he was going to paint. He got up and grabbed one of the brushed walking over to the canvas, the canvas that was covered in paint from everything they had been doing before, paint spatter covered it and was that a butt print? Did at some point they bump into the canvas? Wait was it his or Changbin’s. He chuckled softly to himself, but instead of taking a clean white canvas he started painting on the dirty one.

——————————————————————————

❣ ** _Author Note_** ❣

Everyone still okay? What do you think Felix is painting? Also happy Valentine's Day!!!! This is my valentines gift for everyone sweet enough to read this story


	27. Changbin

**Changbin**

Changbin stretched out slightly opening his eyes. The floor he was sleeping on was cold and the small sheet covering him was not effective in keeping him warm. His first thought when he woke up was that he hadn’t had a good nap like that in a long time. He had slept without nightmares, just peaceful oblivion. That didn’t happen very often. The second thought was that he had fallen asleep as soon as he and Felix where finished and he felt embarrassment creeping up. He looked around the room until his eyes spotted the beautiful boy. Felix had put his pants back on, but he was still shirtless, and from the low way his pants were riding on his hips he could also see that Felix wasn’t wearing any underwear. He moved quietly into a sitting position as he watched the other move around. His upper body was still covered in paint and he could see the prints of his hand, traces of where he had touched the other. The sight before him was definitely arousing, but Felix his face was focussed on the canvas in front of him.

Chan had been right when he had said that Felix was talented. The painting that was slowly appearing on the canvas was one of the most beautiful things he had ever seen, and he was content just sitting back there watching the guy paint. He remained seated there silently for a long time, just watching Felix move around the room completely focussed on his painting. He watched until his stomach started grumbling. Quietly he got up putting his pants and shirt back on before writing a small note in case Felix snapped out of his daze and noticed he was gone. He placed the note on the door as he left the room, with one last glance at Felix.

As he walked around campus, he felt the people staring at him, the paint caking against his skin. First a shower and then he would go get some food for them. He took out his phone opening his messenger.

**_Channie:_ **   
_How is it going? Is Felix okay?_

**_Jisung:_ **   
_Please tell me Lixie is painting something that will allow him to stay._

**_Hyunjin:_ **   
_Is there anything we can do to help?_

He smiled at the messages from their friends. They all just accepted it when Felix invited him to his art studio, not one of them questioned it, or had asked either one of them questions about it. They all wanted Felix to stay. He was a part of their friend group. He smiled pressing their messages away as a call came in. He stared at the number for a while, Chans voice echoing through his head _“Please don’t hurt him.”_ Changbin swallowed as he picked up the phone. “Hello?” He heard the familiar strict voice on the other side of the line “Ah Changbin, I have been trying to reach you all morning. Tomorrow a casting agent will come over to the campus to meet you. Will 12 be okay?” He swallowed the lump in his throat, closing his eyes. “Yeah, sorry I have been busy this morning, tomorrow is fine, but I would prefer to meet off campus, is that possible?” He was met with silence as he heard some shuffling around at the other side of the line. “Yeah, that will be fine don’t worry, I will email you the details later. Tomorrow at 12 in the city it is then.” The man hung up the phone before Changbin could respond. He stared at it for a while before quickly making his way back to his dorm room. He was getting enough weird stares as it is, no need to linger around longer than necessary.

The moment he felt the warm shower stream hit his head he let out a groan. He didn’t want to hurt Felix, the few moments he had shared with him these past weeks had been amazing. But he was given the chance of a lifetime. He knew what he was doing was wrong. He should have kept his distance from Felix from the beginning. He should have never gotten involved with him. He knew he was going to leave him. Maybe he could make it work, explain to Felix where he was going. No… he couldn’t put the guy through that. He was going to America; they were already preparing his first album and first tour. They had warned him the first time they met that the first couple of years he would be so busy he wouldn’t have time for his friends and family and that he was not allowed to date. He had accepted it. He had been pushing them to contract Chan and Jisung as well and they had been interested in them, but first wanted to see how he would do before calling them over. He knew he could not push them to much. It had been his dream, become a world-famous rapper at one of the most famous music labels around the world, then maybe become a producer. Felix wouldn’t wait for him for that long, they’ve only known each other for such a short time. He should take a step back now before it gets even more messy, but he couldn’t. He wanted to spend as much time with Felix as possible before he left, and he was afraid that if he told Felix, that he would run away. Even after all these years he was still selfish.

After his shower he quickly went to Jeongin and Felix his dorm to pick up some clothes for Felix, quickly evading all questions Jeongin threw at his head before making his way down to the cafe. He spotted Seungmin behind the counter and smiled. “A vanilla iced latte and a black iced coffee.” Seungmin just stared at him for a moment grinning. “I thought Felix was supposed to do the painting.” Changbin looked at him in confusion before Seungmin lifted his hand pointing at his own hairline. Changbin turned around to look at his reflection in the shops window seeing that there was still a streak of white paint at his hairline and groaned, what kind of paint was Felix using that it would not even wash out of his hair. Seungmin laughed and whistled as he prepared the drinks. Handing them over in a small bag. “I’ve added some brownies as well… have fun Binnie Boo~” Changbin glared at him quickly taking the bag and leaving the cafe. He made one last stop at the cafeteria, grabbing some rice cakes for Felix before making his way back to the art studio.

When he arrived, he saw Felix sitting on the floor in front of the canvas, he had streaks off paint on his face. He smiled, leaving the bags with food at the entrance and moved closer sitting behind the male and wrapping his arms around his waist. “It already looks amazing.” He whispered the words softly and Felix leaned back against him. He smiled kissing the man’s cheek. “It’s strange, this is the second time I don’t hate myself after painting something. This is the first time I didn’t throw up after smelling the paint.” Felix stated the words without thinking about it, his face and voice where both distant, like he did not even realise what he was talking about, but Changbin could feel the involuntary tremble in his body. “What happened to you?” He didn’t mean to say the words out loud, he didn’t mean for Felix to hear them, but he did, and he felt the male stiffen in his arms. He squeezed the other a little tighter against him.

“I used to have an art teacher; she was a very kind lady.” Felix began to Changbin’s surprise, his voice was soft, and he was slightly shaking. “She took care of me from a very young age. Taught me everything I needed to know about art and always looked over me…” Felix stopped talking, taking a shaking breath as a tear escaped. Changbin reached up and brushed it away letting the other completely lean against his chest. “As my painting started to get more recognition, she became more expressive with her pride in me. She started giving me kisses and touched me more and more as I grew up. Three years ago, it was at the end of September, I remember that it was raining outside, a painting of mine won an award and she was so proud of me. She visited me in my art studio. She told me I was a good and strong boy.” Changbin felt Felix shaking more and more in his arms, he started having hiccups and tears where streaming down Felix his face. Changbin rocked him slightly, but it was like he didn’t even realise Changbin was there, just staring at the painting. “It’s okay baby… you are okay… you are with me you are safe.” He whispered softly but Felix did not hear him, and he got scared. He was afraid of what Felix would say next, he was afraid, and he was angry. He did not want to hear it. “I was painting something when she came in, she pushed me against the canvas. It was my first time. I remember the paint being everywhere, the smell as she touched me, the feeling of it on my body.” Felix violently started scratching at the paint that was still covering his body from that morning and Changbin felt sick. What he did with Felix, it had been so similar to what that woman did. He should have stopped when Felix panicked but he continued.

Felix started scratching more violently drawing blood with his nails. Changbin took his hands away so he wouldn’t scratch himself anymore. “Let’s get this off okay, let’s get the paint off.” He tried to remain calm, but he was slowly panicking. He had to remain calm for Felix his sake. Felix his breathing became heavy and he started trashing against him. Changbin quickly grabbed his phone holding Felix tightly against his chest. “It’s okay baby, we will get it off… I am here…” He whispered in Felix his ear as he dialled Hyunjin’s number. The other picked up the phone straight away. “Hyunjin where are the showers in the art building.” He said before Hyunjin could even greet him. “End of the hallway where the art studios are and then on the right… why? Is everything okay?” Changbin quickly hung up the phone picking Felix who was still trying to scratch the paint of his body up and carrying him bridal style to the showers.

When he reached the shower room, he turned it on, sliding down against the wall with Felix still in his arms. Felix had placed his face in Changbin’s neck hiding himself as the water rained down on them. They remained sitting like that for a long time. The water slowly removing the remaining paint off of Felix his body. “When I asked my friend for help, he told me that he was jealous, that my teacher was a beauty.” Felix whispered against Changbin’s neck. “They laughed and made fun of it. A woman can’t do that to a man, that is what they said… but the smell of paint… it made me feel sick, I couldn’t paint anymore after that.” Changbin moved his hands through Felix his hair his own body starting to shake with anger. After a long time, Felix finally moved back sitting on the floor. Changbin felt his heart breaking as he looked at the male. Felix looked like a drowning puppy, the water of the shower washing away the tears that kept escaping the man’s eyes. “You must think it, too right? You must think I am weak and disgusting… A woman can’t do that to a man… a man always enjoys sex” Changbin leaned forward placing his hand on the others cheek. He saw Felix flinch at the touch, but he leaned it placing a soft kiss on the other lips.

“You are neither weak, nor disgusting… you are strong and beautiful, and you’ve been left to deal with everything on your own for so long.” He gave the male before him a soft smile, leaning back and opening his arms. “You didn’t deserve this, what happened to you was wrong, but it was never you that was at fault. It was your teacher who took advantage of you, and those people who did not take you serious.” Felix slowly crawled forward moving back in his arms. He stroked the others back holding him tightly against himself. “You are beautiful and amazing and…. I love you…” He whispered the words, Felix looked up in surprise a smile slowly forming on his lips before he leaned closer kissing Changbin softly. “I love you too.”


	28. Felix & Hyunjin

**Felix**

They sat together in the shower for a while, sharing soft kisses while the water rained down on them. He couldn’t believe he told Changbin everything. He told Changbin about his pain. Why he couldn’t paint anymore. He had never said it out loud, he didn’t even know why he told Changbin. It had been pressing on him for so long, when he talked about it in the past people brushed his pain away, they laughed at it. It made him close off from the world, afraid to talk to anyone about it. Changbin had been different. The smell of paint had a new memory now. He was able to paint without feeling disgusted. He felt warm and safe in his arms.

After a while he slowly wiggled in the others lap, his pants were soaked, and it was becoming uncomfortable. Changbin slowly got up behind him giving him a kiss on his head. “Take those pants of and take a good shower, wash everything…” He looked away and Felix chuckled softly. He cleared his throat. “Wash everything away, I brought some clothes for you, I’ll go get them.” Felix stood up watching as the other disappeared through the door. A soft smile played on his lips. He told Changbin everything and he still cared about him. He didn’t abandon him; he didn’t laugh at him or high fived him. He cared. He told him he loved him. With a lot of struggle, he took his pants off, and cleaned himself up, scrubbing the paint off.

Before everything with his teacher happened, Felix already struggled a lot with his sexuality. After what happened he had been certain that he would never love a girl again. The rumours of what happened went around school and after it came out Felix was gay, he got bullied a lot. He lost all his friend in Australia, some because of the bullying, some because he closed himself off from them. Felix had been alone for so long and now he finally had people around him that cared. Who did not care that he was gay. Hell, they were all gay themselves. “I found a towel, and I brought you some clothes.” He turned around seeing Changbin entering the shower room again. Changbin halting and staring at him, he watched as the older swallowed. Changbin who even though he knew the truth still desired him, Felix could see it in his eyes, the way they travelled his body. He coughs awkwardly scratching the back of his neck as he placed the clothes and towel on one of the benches. “When you are ready please get dressed.” He spoke quickly before leaving Felix alone in the shower room. Felix quickly dried himself off putting the clothes on.

“You should get out of those clothes as well, you are soaked.” Felix spoke softly as he approach Changbin who was waiting for him at the door to the shower room, leaving a small pool of water underneath him. “It’s fine I already texted Hyunjin to bring me some clothes.” Felix shook his head and took his hand and pulled him back to his studio. Once they arrived in the studio Felix pulled his shirt off, taking a towel and started drying Changbin’s hair and chest. “You’ll get sick like that…” He looked up and saw Changbin just staring at him, smiling softly he leaned in closer hovering his lips over the others “Thank you.” He closed the distance wrapping his arms around the others neck and kissed him softly.

“I did not sign up for this, why the fuck did you ask me to come here and witness this.” Felix broke apart quickly looking at the door where Hyunjin stood, looking disgusted. He couldn’t help but burst out into laughing. “I was worried after the phone calls and rushed over here and you two are just sitting here making out and doing who knows what… nop nop nooo, I am out of here.” He dropped the bag before quickly getting out of the room. Felix turned back to see Changbin grinning as Hyunjin popped back into the room again. “Painting is looking great by the way, keep up the good work.” He stuck up his thumb before leaving. Changbin rolled his eyes. Giving a kiss on Felix his cheek before moving over grabbing the clothes. Felix moved back leaning against the windowsill as he watched Changbin. “You should hurry up and get changed you don’t want to get sick now do you?” Changbin turned around lifting an eyebrow. “Are you just going to stand there?” Felix nodded making a motion with the hand to hurry up.

Changbin kept looking at him as he slowly took his pants and underwear off making Felix lick his lips. He watched as the other used to the towel to dry off and put his new, fresh clothes on. Felix walked over to him kissing his lips. Slowly walking him back until they reached the door. He quickly pushed a surprised Changbin out of the room, closing the door behind him. “YAH! Felix.” He grinned turning around looking at his canvas. “Play time is over, I need to focus.” He screamed towards the door grabbing a brush. He felt ready to paint, he was going to create something that would not only allow him to stay but would also blow everyone away.

**Hyunjin**

A part of him wanted to rinse his eyes out after what he had just seen, another part of him was really happy. Changbin and Felix looked so happy together. Them being happy gave him hope but it also made him scared. Hope that even if Changbin would take the offer he wouldn’t leave Felix behind, that Changbin would stay at least till the end of the year. He was scared that Changbin would just pack his bags one day and go to America, leaving a broken-hearted Felix behind. He let out a sigh walking down the campus. He wanted Changbin to be honest with the other guys, he wanted to tell them himself, but he couldn’t because he swore that he would not betray Changbin’s trust. Why was he so afraid to tell them that he was leaving? So afraid he would disappoint Jisung and Chan. He knew Changbin was trying to get Jisung and Chan in the company as well, so why wasn’t he just open about it. Hyunjin shook his head and let out a sigh. No, he knew why. Changbin had a shit childhood and he never trusted anyone, not even his closest friends. Maybe… just maybe Felix could change that part of Changbin to.

“Hyunjin!” Hyunjin turned around as he heard his name being called. he saw a very familiar guy walking up to him. “Fuck…” He whispered before quickly faking a smile on his face. “Jaemin… what are you doing here?” He said with a fake smile as the guy came close. “My… uhm… my boyfriend goes here; I just came to visit here. I didn’t think I would run into any familiar faces.” Hyunjin rubbed the back of his neck giving the other an awkward smile. “Yeah... you know...” Jaemin gave him a genuine smile and Hyunjin had to admit the guy looked good compared to the last time he had seen him. “Would you like to grab a cup of coffee? I’ve completely lost touch with everyone from high school.” Jaemin seemed embarrassed at the question. The guy had been lonely during his high school years, everyone knew about Jaemin, everyone knew it was better to stay away from the guy. Not because he was bad, but if you got close to him the same thing that happened to him, would happen to you and people wanted to avoid it. “I would love too; I just have to meet someone right now… how about another time.” Jaemin’s smile fell a bit and Hyunjin felt guilty, it felt like high school all over again. He is older now; he should not act like a child. He quickly grabbed a piece of paper from his bag scribbling down his number. “Here... text me, we can meet up sometime later. I really have to go now.” Jaemin smiled as he took the piece of paper putting it in his pocket. “Thank you.”

He wasn’t running away, he really wasn’t. Hyunjin thought to himself as he quickly made his way to the theatre opening the door and slipping inside, only after he was completely hidden inside the theatre with the door only slightly opened, did he turn around and peaked outside. He saw Jaemin staring sadly at the piece of paper. He should tell Changbin the guy was here. Just as everything was going well, Jaemin had to show up, he wasn’t sure if this was a blessing or a curse.

“Hyunjin?” Hyunjin slowly turned around, facing yet another guy he would rather avoid. “Jeongin… Hi…” He really had terrible luck. “Can we talk?” The younger looked at him and he just slowly nodded his head. He was going to be turned down now wasn’t he. Well better get it over with quickly, then Jeongin could go back to Chan and everything was well for everyone again. For everyone but him.


	29. Hyunjin & Felix

**Hyunjin**

Hyunjin sat with his feet dangling off the stage looking around. “Why is no one here.” Jeongin sat in one of the seats looking up at the stage. Jeongin shrugged “The theatre group has the day off because the female lead is having one of her mental breakdowns again.” Hyunjin rolled his eyes falling back on the stage staring at the lights. It was definitely awkward, being alone with Jeongin. He didn’t really know what to say to him. “They are kind enough to let me use the place to practice my singing.” He heard Jeongin shuffling around, when he sat back up, he noticed the other sat down next to him. “It helps me get over my stage fright.”

Jeongin was close to him, he could feel the youngers thigh against his own. “Did you fix everything with Chan?” He couldn’t help but ask the question, he didn’t want to open his eyes; he didn’t want to look at him. He didn’t even want to know the answer to that question. He knew it was going to hurt, but he would support them, he would stand behind them in their decision to be together. “I wouldn’t say that we fixed our issues. We talked about it. Both me and Channie have regrets. But we want to rebuild our friendship and start over.” Jeongin spoke softly, He couldn’t help but notice that the younger was using Chan’s nickname again. He felt Jeongin’s hand on his thigh, he slowly opened his eyes looking up at the beautiful angel. “Did you mean what you said to Seungmin? That you loved me?” The question was spoken so innocently. Hyunjin slowly removed Jeongin’s hand from his thigh. “I did… I’m sorry.”

Jeongin sat there silently for a while, looking at him and he felt himself becoming more and more uncomfortable under that piercing stare. “I’m sorry for the things I said that morning, you didn’t deserve that. It was my fault.” Hyunjin shook his head. “You were drunk, it is my fault I should’ve stopped it from happening.” Jeongin grabbed his hand. “I didn’t mean them; I was disgusted with myself because I didn’t mean them. You had Seungmin, I had Chan… yet I wanted it… I was wrong, in the end I kept blaming everyone while I was the one in the wrong, I hate that everyone left me, but I can’t blame them. If it wasn’t for me so many things would not have happened.”

Hyunjin stared at their hands before looking up at Jeongin. “We shouldn’t have abandoned you, it was a shit thing to do, if you were in the wrong or not, especially because you were not. We all carried blame. At least you and Chan are working things out now, that is a good sign. You two can slowly build your relationship again, together.” He gave Jeongin a soft smile, a smile to mask the pain he was really feeling. Jeongin shook his head and chuckled softly. “We both came to the same conclusion. Even though we always enjoyed spending time together, our relationship has always been more like an older and younger brother than lovers. We are rebuilding that relationship.” Hyunjin looked at him confused.

“Hyunjin close your eyes, I want to try something.”

He gave the younger male a sceptical look. “Please?” He let out a sigh before closing his eyes. He heard the other ruffling around. “Don’t open them until I tell you too.” He nodded slowly. Why was he doing this? Why was he indulging Jeongin in this way? He felt his heart skip a beat when Jeongin had told him that he and Chan were just going to be friends, but that meant nothing. Suddenly he felt a pair of hands on his thigh spreading them slightly apart, a body moving between them and then, soft lips against his own. His heart started beating in his chest as he softly returned the kiss. The lips disappearing just as suddenly as they had appeared, the body gone. He wanted to open his eyes but Jeongin whispered to keep them close. He heard the sound of a door closing and he opened his eyes. Jeongin was gone and he was alone.

Jeongin had kissed him.

**Felix**

Felix spend the whole day and even the evening working on his painting. His dinner being the cold rice cakes Changbin had brought him earlier in the day. He only returned back to the dorm after it was already dark outside, taking a quick shower. He had just gotten changed when a blushing Jeongin entered the room. Before he could say anything, the man wrapped his arms around him hugging him tight. “Had a good day?” Felix couldn’t keep the teasing out of his voice. The younger just nuzzled him closer smiling happily. “Thank you for coming here, you really are like a lucky charm.” Felix laughed. Seeing the younger so happy was affectionate. He was happy himself. It had been an exhausting day, but it had been worth it. He hugged the other back when suddenly the entire room turned dark.

Both guys screamed at the sudden darkness. “What’s going on?” Felix looked around but he couldn’t see anything. The room was completely dark and even the moon was gone behind the clouds. “Power shortage?” Jeongin whispered before letting him go trying to find his phone. “It happens sometimes. Damn it… I can’t find my phone… or my flashlight. Do you have either?” Felix shook his head but then realised the other couldn’t see him in the dark. “My phone lost battery, I still need to charge it and I have no idea where I left my charger. I don’t even own a flashlight.” The two of them stood there in the dark room in complete silence. “It’s kind of creepy don’t you think, the dorm is old… you can hear everything creaking.” Jeongin whispered.

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK!!! Both of them jumped up screaming again, Jeongin jumping into Felix his arms as they both stared at the door. “Oi… mate you okay there?” He heard Chans voice. Jeongin and Felix looked at each other, their faces close enough to see even in the darkness, before quickly letting go, Felix moved over to the door opening it to find the whole Stray Kids gang standing there. Chan happily waving some bottles around and Seungmin holding up snacks. “It’s black out… which means it’s time for a party.” He pushed the surprised Felix aside moving into the room. The others followed lighting up candles around the room. Felix just stood there looking around surprised. “Hey Lixie…” He turned to see Changbin standing beside him. The nickname giving him butterflies in his stomach. He gave the male a quick peck on the lips before whispering. “What’s going on?” Changbin shrugged, closing the door behind him. “Its tradition. During black outs the dorm lady always hides away in her room. She is afraid of the dark, so we all hold parties, you know, telling scary stories, play truth or dare. It’s lame, but tradition is tradition.” He grinned as he took Felix his hand moving into their room. They sat together on Felix his bed the entire room now lit up with candles. Felix looked around the room then he noticed the bottles that Chan brought in were Soju. He leaned in against Changbin and whispered. “Candles and Alcohol… isn’t this the beginning of a fire hazard.” Changbin let out a soft laugh and shook his head. “Tradition.” He whispered and Felix flicked his head. “I like traditions but not the kind that can burn down all my possessions and kill me.”

Jisung sat in Minho’s lap grinning around the room. “I remember someone telling us all we should be more open and communicate more.” Jisung spoke while looking at Felix, crawling over the floor to hand him a bottle. Before sitting back in Minho’s lap. “Alcohol always helps in these situations, and just a nice evening together. You know… group bonding… how about a round of truth or dare.” Changbin took the bottle out of Felix his hand and shook his head. “We are not a bunch of 15-year-old girls at a sleepover.”


	30. Changbin

**Changbin**

Changbin sat laid back on Felix his bed, it smelt like him, and that was distracting. Felix sat next to him; his legs crossed over his own while he was happily chatting away with Jisung. His hand was laying on Felix his thigh and he absentmindedly moved his thumb. He looked around the room and realised this is how it should be, all of them together, all of them happy. He took a sip from his drink, the alcohol buzzing his system. That’s when he noticed there was one person not mingling in with any conversation. Hyunjin just sat there alone on the floor, staring at Jeongin who was in conversation with Chan. When Hyunjin saw him looking at him, he nodded his head towards the door. He understood the message. Slowly he lifted Felix his legs of his own, who’s attention turned on him completely. “I’ll be right back…” He whispered giving his thigh a squeeze, before getting up, taking a candle and following Hyunjin out of the room. But Felix wasn’t the only one who noticed the two of them leaving, Chan was staring at the door they disappeared through it.

When Changbin got out of the room he found Hyunjin leaning against the wall. “You okay, how are you holding out?” Changbin asked as he leaned against the wall beside him. Hyunjin looked at him with surprise. “I mean, I know it must be difficult, with all the alcohol in the room…” Hyunjin looked back at the floor thinking for a moment and then shrugged. Changbin crossed his arms. “So, it’s not the alcohol… what’s going on with you?” Hyunjin remained looking at the floor. “What’s going on with me is not really important right now…” He hated that Hyunjin was being vague, he obviously had something on his mind and as much as he wanted to help him, he also really wanted to go back into the room and cuddle with Felix.

‘Changbin?” Changbin looked up at Hyunjin “Yes?” Hyunjin finally looked up, staring him right in the eyes. “Are you going to tell him at all? What about Chan and Jisung? They are your friends, your partners in making music. When are you going to tell them?” Changbin remained silent just staring at him. “Are you going to tell them at all?” Changbin looked at his feet, he knew he had to tell them, he knew they all deserved to know, he thought he could leave unnoticed, but he was realizing he was wrong. His entire plan, that he made at the beginning of the year was falling apart. He had realised he was an idiot for thinking it would work, but now with so much time past, it became more and more difficult. “I saw Jaemin… his boyfriend is going to school here.” He almost dropped the candle he was holding, his head snapping up to Hyunjin. “I thought you should know…” Changbin looked at the flame on the candle. Jaemin was here in the school. “I thought you should take this chance.” Hyunjin said before making to walk past Changbin, but Changbin grabbed his hand, holding him in place. Hyunjin let out a sigh and looked at him. “You have been so focussed on fixing all of our problems, did you even realise your own problems are growing bigger. Chan and Jisung, how will they respond if you tell them you are leaving, if you are gone. I think they would have been more accepting of your plan if you had been open since the beginning.” Changbin opened his mouth but Hyunjin cut him off. “How will Felix respond, when he finds out you have known all this time you were leaving, and you just suddenly fuck off? Did you think about the consequences at all? Now Jaemin is here and instead of focussing on our problems you can fix your own.” Changbin flinched at the harsh words, he knew Hyunjin was right. He had dug his own grave and now he did not know how to get back up. “I know… I will figure something out… I promise… but…There is something else, isn’t there.”

Hyunjin looked surprised at Changbin’s words trying to wiggle out of his grip. “There is something else that is bothering you, isn’t there… I am not stupid Hyunjin, my troubles, Jaemin, they are not enough to distract you this much. To distract you to the point of not even noticing the alcohol that is flowing around the room.” Hyunjin opened his mouth, but this time Changbin was able to cut him off. “If you are there for me, always… then why don’t you let me be there for you?” The two stared each other in the eyes for a long moment. “You have always confided in me, why can’t you do it now… I can see there is something eating at you.”

Hyunjin forcefully removed his arm from Changbin’s giving him a glare. “Maybe because I know you are leaving. You left me with this burden, you made me promise not to talk to anyone else, but it hurts me too you know, you are leaving me behind too…” Changbin dropped his hands to his side. “I’m sorry… I know you carry a lot of my burdens, at least let me carry some of yours in return.” Hyunjin moved back to the door, his hand on the handle but before opening it he turned around. “Jeongin kissed me today…” Changbin mouth fell open in shock, but before he could respond, Hyunjin already opened the door and the loud voices of their group filled the hallways.

Changbin stayed outside for a while trying to gather his thoughts.

The pain Felix had faced in his past

The happiness he felt when he was with Felix now

Jeongin had kissed Hyunjin

Jaemin had a boyfriend at Veltica and was hanging around the school

He had to tell all of them, that he was leaving. He always thought fixing everything would give him the possibility to leave with ease, he would just sneak out after the showcase and then return a couple of months later when the guys were graduating to take them with him to America and all would be well. He could be out of the country as soon as possible and he could still be together with Chan and Jisung when they were ready to leave. Instead, it was becoming more and more difficult to leave quietly, it became more and more difficult to just get up and leave everything he had here behind. His plan had fallen apart, and he didn’t know how to put it back together.

After he had calmed down, he finally moved back into the room. He quietly moved back into his spot on the bed, Felix immediately leaning close to him. He could smell his shampoo. Even the thought of leaving Felix, was becoming more and more difficult.

He looked around his friend in the room. Jisung sitting on top of Minho trying to kiss and bite him wherever he could while Minho tried to keep him in check. A very embarrassed looking Seungmin next to them, trying to figure out where to put his eyes. Hyunjin now sat closer to Jeongin than before their thighs slightly touching. His eyes met with Chan, but instead of the normal warm glow, Chan looked at him in anger. A shiver ran down his back as he offered the older a smile, but he ignored it. Getting up from his spot walking over to Jisung, with ease he lifted him off his boyfriend setting him to stand on the floor before helping Minho up. “I think it’s time to call it a night… we have practice tomorrow.” He said in his stern leader way, that made everyone listen.

Minho left the room, with a very drunk and clingy Jisung around his neck, followed by Seungmin. Changbin wanted to ask Chan what was wrong but before he had the chance, the guy had already disappeared. He made a mental note that he had to ask tomorrow. When Hyunjin also left the room, he leaned down placing a soft kiss on Felix his head, he had laid down in his lap when everyone started to leave and looked like he was almost asleep already. Changbin wasn’t surprised with the emotional day he must have had. He lifted him up slightly, placing him down on the pillow before wrapping him in the sheets, just as he was about to leave, Felix grabbed his hand. He looked down at him and saw Felix smiling up at him. “You could sleep here tonight… if you want.” Changbin looked up around the room, noticing that Jeongin was gone. He normally did not sleep, and he had planned to wander the campus a bit tonight, but how could he turn Felix down when the guy was looking at him like that.

He freed his hand from Felix his grip before going around the room, blowing the remaining candles out. Before laying back down next to Felix. Wrapping his arms around him. It did not take long before the room was filled with Felix his heavy breathing, strangely enough it relaxed him. All the troubles that had been going through his head all day where slowly disappearing and with the sound of Felix his heavy breath, and the warmth of Felix his body. He finally fell asleep.


	31. Jeongin & Seungmin

**Jeongin**

Jeongin watched as the guys one by one left the room. He still couldn’t believe that he had kissed Hyunjin only earlier that day. After he had cleared everything up with Chan, they had talked for a long time, just the two of them in his little hiding spot. It had been the first time he had been able to breathe in months. Like a weight had fallen of his shoulders. He had realised that his relationship with Chan had been more brotherly than lovers, Chan had been right. Losing Chan was not like losing a lover, it was like losing a brother, someone who always was there for you. He knew there was still a lot of pain between them, but they were making steps, just small steps in the right direction. Even tonight, Chan sat next to him on his bed and they could joke, even though it had been a little awkward at first the older still cared for him, could still make him laugh. Chan would baby him like a little brother, and he enjoyed it. He enjoyed being in his company again, being in the company of all of his friends. This night reminded him of how it used to be.

“Earth to Jeongin?” Jeongin looked up at the sound of Jisung’s voice, realising he had gotten lost in his own thoughts. “You want some?” Jisung was holding the bottle of alcohol in front of his face. Jeongin stared at it for a long moment before shaking his head. After that one night, he decided to not drink any alcohol anymore. Chan took the bottle instead and took a large gulp from it, before getting up. “Bathroom…” He said, and gave Jeongin's head a ruffle, passing the bottle back to Jisung, who was downing it in a very fast manner. Jeongin watched in surprise as he saw the guy drink, wondering how it was possible that Jisung wasn’t completely drunk. Not even 5 minutes later, Jeongin realised that Jisung was in fact totally drunk and was currently trying to give Minho an awkward lap dance. He turned his head away from the sight, getting red just looking at them. He noticed that Felix was in fact quite fascinated by the show the two put on and laughed. That is when his eyes fell to Seungmin. Who was just as Jeongin trying not to look at the show that Jisung was given, he wanted to get up and speak to him. He and Seungmin had not had any time together since they all started to become friends again, and he was missing Seungmin. But before he got up, Chan took his place next to him on the bed again, unlike before, when Chan had been carefree and chatting away, the man now looked angry.

He poked Chan’s shoulder making the older look at him. “Are you okay?” He asked his head slightly tilted. Chan just nodded “Don’t worry about it…” But the frown did not leave his face, worrying Jeongin. Especially when Chan took the bottle and gulped it down even faster that Jisung had before. Jeongin gave him a worried glance, before he noticed that Chan was looking at Felix, he had an unreadable expression on his face, that scared him slightly. Before he could ask any more questions, Hyunjin and Changbin had entered the room again and Hyunjin sat down on his other side. Hyunjin went straight to teasing Minho, and whistling at the display before them, but Jeongin couldn’t help but stare down at their legs, their knees where touching, and it looked like Hyunjin was doing it on purpose. His mind was going back to that afternoon. After his conversation with Chan, he had thought about it a lot. Hyunjin had told Seungmin he liked him. He had liked Hyunjin before, but he had to be sure.

He did not know what had come over him at that moment, or what gave him the courage to kiss him. A small part of him always regretted not remembering what it felt like that night with Hyunjin. That small part always made him feel even more guilty, but that part was becoming bigger and bigger ever since they started talking again. He just wanted to remember what Hyunjin tasted like, and how his touches where. He had been thinking about it since his talk with Chan and then in the theatre… he just did it. It had felt different from any kiss he had before, from the kisses with Chan. The way his heart started racing and the way his soft lips, the way Hyunjin tasted. Jeongin was certain about one thing. The feelings he once had for Hyunjin, the feelings he had tried to hide and shove away in the darkest deepest part of his heart. Those feelings were still very much alive. His eyes moved up from their touching knees, traveling past Hyunjin’s body to his lips. He licked his own lips at the sight of them before moving further up, realising Hyunjin was also looking at him.

He quickly turned his head, his face heating up with embarrassment. He felt Hyunjin's hand on his knee, he stared at it for a moment but before they could do anything else, Chan suddenly stood up. Walking over to Minho and lifting Jisung off him “I think it’s time to call it a night… we have practice tomorrow.” He said in his stern leader way, that made everyone listen. Hyunjin’s hand was gone from his knee and the older stood up. Jeongin sat back watching all of them slowly leave the room. Hyunjin was the last one to go, he turned around and their eyes met for a moment before he walked out of the door.

It only took Jeongin 2 seconds before he pushed himself off the bed and rushed after Hyunjin. As he left the dorm room he walked straight into the guy. Who apparently had been waiting outside of his door? Jeongin quickly took a step back, scratching the back of his neck in embarrassment, he had ran after Hyunjin without thinking and now he was at a loss of words. They both remained silent, not daring to look at each other, and the hallway was almost completely dark making it hard to see more than just an outline.

“Why did you kiss me?”

“Did you really mean it when you said you loved me?”

They asked at the same time, both of them turning silent again. Jeongin was at a lost, how could he explain why he kissed the other. When he did not even really understand it himself, but he did understand one thing. “I meant it… I loved you from the beginning, even if I shouldn’t have.” Hyunjin broke the silence, and it made Jeongin look up. It was too dark to see Hyunjin’s face clearly, to see the expression the guy was wearing. Jeongin took a deep breath, gathering his courage. He placed his hand around Hyunjin’s neck pulling him closer. “Jeongin?” He heard the uncertainty in Hyunjin’s voice, but he silenced him by pressing their lips together once more.

Even though he had not been sure why he had kissed Hyunjin that morning in the theatre, he was one hundred percent sure of the reason he was kissing him now. He moved his lips against Hyunjin’s lip, he could feel that he was still holding back, so he parted his lips slightly, taking Hyunjin’s bottom lip between his teeth and biting it soft, making him part his lips before sliding his tongue in. It was at that moment that Hyunjin got his usual confidence back and started to kiss him back. Walking him back and pushing him against the wall. Their lips slowly moved together, and their hips pressed close. Jeongin let out a small moan, which seemed to snap Hyunjin back to attention. He made to pull back but Jeongin held him close. Pressing his forehead against the older. “Felix once told me that you realise your feelings through a kiss…”

He started, he kept his eyes closed and his forehead pressed against Hyunjin’s. His voice was nothing more than a whisper, but he knew Hyunjin could hear him.

“I don’t know why I kissed you this morning… but I kissed you now because I wanted to confirm something.” He pulled back slightly; with their close proximity he could finally see the emotions on Hyunjin’s face. The older looked scared, more scared and vulnerable than he had ever seen him, and he realised that everything that had happened, it probably hurt him more than he had thought. “I wanted to confirm that, even after everything I have done… I love you… and I want to be with you… even though I don’t deserve to be with you.” He let go of the older, suddenly ashamed of himself. “I’m sorry for hurting you, for putting you through all that… I was the one to blame, and you ended up getting hurt… I am so sorry.” He felt Hyunjin’s hand on his cheek making him look up again. “Do you mean that? … what about Chan?” The uncertainty and fear in Hyunjin’s voice made Jeongin’s heart break. He pressed his lips softly against Hyunjin’s before whispering, their lips still close “I love Chan… and he loves me.” He felt Hyunjin flinch trying to pull away, but he kept him close their lips still only inches away. “But as brothers… not as lovers, what I feel for him is different from what I feel for you… it has always been different, it just took me a long time to realise it. I’m sorry…” This time it was Hyunjin who leaned in, pressing his lips against Jeongin, with enough force that Jeongin took a step back, pressed up against the wall. He melted completely in the kiss. It was the lights in the hallway switching on again that made them break apart.

“Hyunjin? I know I messed up in the past, I know I hurt you… and I don’t know what will happen in the future… but…” He swallowed looking down at the floor. “Would you like to go out with me… so maybe we can figure things out.” He looked up again in Hyunjin’s shocked face. “Slowly… and together this time?” Hyunjin seemed taken aback by the turn it took but nodded his head slowly, earning a smile from Jeongin. “well… then goodnight?” Jeongin said before moving back into a room. Leaving a shocked Hyunjin behind wondering what the hell just happened.

Jeongin closed the door behind him happiness spreading through his body. He had asked Hyunjin out and he agreed, he confessed. He looked over at Felix bed and saw him and Changbin fast asleep, cuddled up together and for a moment he thought that Felix was an angel that came from heaven to help them all. He turned the lights in their room off, laying down in his own bed. They would clean up the mess tomorrow, for now he was just happy and content. He turned to glance one more time in the direction of the other bed “thank you…” He whispered, before turning around and falling asleep.

**Seungmin**

Seungmin walked out of the room with mixed feelings, at one hand he was very happy that everyone was getting along again. He was happy to see Jeongin happy and smiling, the guy had been through so much pain, but at the other hand, he was afraid. Seeing them all together, Jisung and Minho, Felix and Changbin, Jeongin and Chan… and Hyunjin. He sighed stopping. He should be happy… right? They accepted him back as well. After everything that happened their team, their group was together again.

He stopped as he heard the voices of Hyunjin and Jeongin.

“Why did you kiss me?”

“Did you really mean it when you said you loved me?”

It felt like an electric shock went through his body. Jeongin had kissed Hyunjin. The only time they ever spoke about what had happened that night was the morning after. After that they just never brought it up again. Seungmin never really knew how Jeongin felt about Hyunjin and just mentioning anything about the event would hurt him, so he had remained quiet, but now Jeongin had kissed him. He always suspected that Jeongin had feelings for Hyunjin, even before the event. He had seen how Jeongin had looked at his boyfriend. It had scared him, and he never asked, simply because he did not want to know. He should leave, this was a private conversation between the two of them, but he couldn’t get his feet to move. He couldn’t take a step he wanted to know. So, he stayed behind, hidden in the darkness of the hallways. Stayed behind to hear their conversation.

It was when the lights of the hallway suddenly turned back on again that he saw them. Pressed up against the wall, their lips locked in a passionate kiss. It was at that sight that he could not keep the tears inside anymore. He quickly ran down the hallways to his own dorm room, closing it quickly behind him before sliding down against it, his face pressed against his knees.

They found each other, they all found each other… and he would be left alone… he would be left behind.

Again!

——————————————————————————

❣ ** _Author Note_** ❣

**_This is already Chapter 30 can you guys believe it? I can’t believe that there are actually people that have read this story till here._ **


	32. Minho

**_*This chapter contains smut, if you are not a fan of this you can skip the italic part, I would recommend reading through the parts that are not italic because they are important. *_ **

**Minho**

Minho was dragging his boyfriend down the hallway, down to their room, which should not be a difficult task as Jisung was as light as a feather, but the said man kept pressing kisses on his neck, on his cheek and on his lips and his hands kept wandering to sinful places on his body, making it hard for Minho to navigate down the hallway in the darkness. “F*ck Jisung… just…” he mumbled as he tried to open the door. Finally, Jisung let him go and he was able to open the door, when he opened the door, he figured Jisung would tackle him down again but Jisung just stood there his hands covering his mouth. “I don’t feel so good…” Jisung mumbled before he quickly ran past Minho into the bathroom, reaching the toilet just in time as he started to throw up. Minho quietly closed the door behind him, getting an emergency light from his closet, before walking into the bathroom sitting down on the cold floor next to Jisung, rubbing soft circles on his back as Jisung emptied out the content of his stomach. The emergency light giving off a soft glow in the bathroom. It took a while before Jisung lifted his head again, sitting back down on the bathroom floor. “I’m sorry…” Minho just shook his head, handing him a bottle of water. “Don’t worry about it… but can you tell me what’s wrong? Why did you drink so much it’s not like you?” Jisung took the bottle, holding it with both hands before shaking his head violently. “Nothing is wrong… I just…” He took a sip of the water but remained silent after.

Minho moved from his spot on the floor, sitting closer to his boyfriend, wrapping his arms around him. “Just what?” Jisung set the bottle down on the floor. “There are two reasons…” Jisung let out a sigh before turning to look at him. “Don’t you think it’s all too easy?” Minho gave him a confused look. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, us, the group, everything…” When Minho still looked confused, Jisung let out another sigh, looking down at his hands. “I have had a crush on you for years, to the point I was afraid to talk to you and now suddenly we are together, and everything is great… the group is becoming friends again. Everyone is talking, I saw Changbin smile in a way I have never seen before… I don’t know what is going on with Hyunjin, Jeongin and Chan but they all seem more comfortable around each other. We finally have Seungmin back with us… I missed him, talking to him… but it always felt awkward and now he is here again.” Jisung rambled on and Minho just nodded. “Those are all good things right…” Jisung nodded but still looked down. “It scares me… you know… in every story, all the characters and everyone is always happy, and then soon after, something terrible happens… I feel like something terrible is going to happen soon… but I can’t put my finger on what it is… it scares me.” Minho nodded turning his head to see his boyfriend. “But you know… usually those stories, also have happy endings. I know our story will have a happy ending together…” Jisung looked up at him with a sad smile. “I don’t want to lose our group of friends again… I want us all to stay together until the end.” Minho smiled “I can’t make a promise for everyone, but I can promise that I will stay with you till the end, till you don’t want me around anymore.” He leaned in and pressed a kiss to Jisung’s lips before quickly pulling away again with a disgusted face. “I can also promise you I won’t kiss you again, until you brush your teeth…”

Jisung laughed softly, pushing himself off the floor. “I should also take a shower…” He mumbled. He made to leave the bathroom, but Minho quickly grabbed his hand. “You don’t have an emergency light in your room. You can brush your teeth here… take a shower here… sleep here…Together with me.” Jisung slowly turned around smiling at him. He made to lean in to kiss him again, but Minho quickly turned his head away. “Please, brush your teeth first…” Jisung laughed loudly this time as he turned to the sink. Minho handed him a spare toothbrush and he started brushing his teeth, while Minho walked back into the room, using the light of his phone to navigate around, grabbing a change of clothes and underwear, he already heard the water of the shower and as he got back into the bathroom, he spotted Jisung showering, naked. He wanted to facepalm himself, of course he showers naked, why was he so shocked about it. He swallowed, cursing the emergency light because it was so little that he could barely see the man. He had fantasies about Jisung's naked body a million times, and even more frequently after their date and now when he finally had a chance to see it, there was not enough light.

_“Will you join me?” Jisung asked, and Minho did not know how quick he could get out of his own clothes before stepping under the warm stream of water. Jisung looked up at him and just with that one look Minho could feel himself growing hard. “Minho…” Jisung whispered, and he felt Jisung’s fingers trail down his chest to his hard length. Giving it a tug. Minho let out a moan but put his hand on Jisung’s stopping him. “You are drunk…” he whispered softly, afraid that if Jisung was sober he would not do this, and he did not want to push Jisung into anything he was not ready for. Jisung nodded softly pressing his forehead against Minho. “I told you there where two reasons, why I drank as much as I did right…” Jisung leaned up pressing a soft kiss to his lips. “This is the second reason.” Jisung's hand travelled up his chest again taking his hand, he guided Minho’s hand to his other arm. Minho travelled his hand down Jisung's arm feeling how it bended to the back. “I wanted some extra courage to do this.” When Minho reached Jisung's hand, he realised where Jisung's fingers disappeared to. He let out a curse and Jisung chuckled softly._

_Before he could process what Jisung had been doing this time in the shower, Jisung had already moved down on his knees and without warning he pushed Minho back against the wall and engulfed his entire length with his mouth. His head was spinning with Jisungs boldness and how quick he had moved. He moved his hands in Jisung's wet hair and let out a moan while Jisung bobbed his head. Jisung let go of him with a pop, and Minho looked down at him. Fuck his head was hazy from the alcohol he consumed earlier, his reactions where slow and Jisung was fucking with his head. “I have been wanting to do this for a long time. But I never had the courage…” He let his tongue slide over the tip pressing a soft kiss against it. “But there is one thing I want to do even more…” Jisung stood up, his lips close to Minho’s. “As much as I would like to take this slow.” He took Minho’s hands and put them behind him on his ass, Minho immediately squeezed the cheeks pressing their hips together. “Right now, I just want you inside, rough and fast… I just want you.” Jisung whispered against his lips and Minho’s brain seemed to jump start._

_He flipped them around, pressing Jisung’s back against the wall, their lips pressed in slopping kiss as he reached his hand down between their bodies, holding onto both of their lengths and stroking them together. Jisung whined against his lips. “Inside…” He broke the kiss turning Jisung around before going on his knees. “Minho?” He could hear the need and uncertainty in Jisung's voice, but he just grabbed his cheeks and pulled them apart before pressing his lips against Jisung's hole, sliding his tongue in. His hole was wet and slippery. Jisung let out a loud moan. Minho’s cock twitched at the sound and at the thought of how well the younger had prepared himself. He teased Jisung’s entrance, dipping his tongue in and licking it before getting up tracing soft kisses up the man’s spine. He pressed his hips forward, turning Jisung’s so he could capture his lips again. Jisung whined impatiently against his lips._

_Minho slowly pressed his hips forward, entering Jisung smoothly. He groaned as the tight warmth engulfed him. Breaking the kiss as he held onto Jisung’s hips, slowly rolling his hips. He held onto his hips as he started thrusting in a steady pace, turning Jisung quickly in a moaning mess against the wall. He leaned forwards pressing his lips against Jisung’s neck “Rough and Fast?” He whispered against his skin repeating the earlier request. Before Jisung could respond, he started thrusting his hips, holding on to the man’s hips as he rammed himself inside, turning Jisung in a moaning mess before him. He gave him barely time to breath as he kept his thrust fast and deep. Moving his hand to the front, taking a hold of Jisung's length, pumping it in time with his thrust._

_Suddenly the light in the bathroom came on again, and Minho stared down at the bare back before him, at the place their bodies where connected. How the water drops where sliding down. It was the most beautiful things he had ever seen. He let out a curse as he tipped over the edge, quickly pulling out and shooting his load over Jisung's back. He panted heavily as he took a step back. Jisung turned around looking at him, he could see how the younger was getting embarrassed. He quickly fell down on his knees taking Jisungs length in his mouth. “Wait…” Jisung tried to stop him but he swirled his tongue around the younger’s length, before bobbing his head. “Minho… wait. I’m going to …” But he didn’t stop, he held onto Jisung's hips as he continued sucking him, until he tips over, coming in his mouth. He looked up as he swallowed it. The bravado from before gone from Jisung’s face, the younger looked at him with red cheeks._

Later, when they finished showering and laid in bed together, Minho had Jisung wrapped up in his arms. He knew Jisung was right… something was still coming. He could feel it and he could see it, in Hyunjin and Changbin. Though they were all happy together, he knew something was going to happen. He wanted them all to remain like this, happy and together, but a feeling in his gut told him that soon, they would be separated again, and he was afraid of the effect it was going to have on Jisung. In the initial days when it all happened, Changbin and Minho would often spend their evenings consoling Hyunjin. He remembered one night, when Hyunjin got exceptionally drunk, and was behaving strange. They were afraid to leave him alone for the night, but Changbin said he had to return to his own room. Changbin had been tired and had a bit too much to drink himself. Minho remembered him sitting there on the floor, it had been the first time he had gotten a peak into Changbin’s heart. Before that, even though he and Changbin tended to hang out often because of Hyunjin, he had always thought the guy did not care about other people. But the way he had helped and cared for Hyunjin when he was going through a rough time had changed his mind. He knew he was also consoling Chan, and taking care of the older, who had locked himself up in his studio making music most of the time. So, when Changbin said he had to go to his own room he asked if he had to see Chan but Changbin just shook his head.

He told him he had to go back to his own room because Jisung was there. Changbin had closed his eyes and let out a tired sigh. Minho had felt the jealousy and annoyance at Changbin, that he was acting like that. He would have done anything to spend a night with the cute guy. Changbin had lingered a bit, and Minho had been surprised when the guy started talking. He wasn’t really talking to him, it seemed like Changbin just needed someone to listen and Minho had been conveniently there, so Minho just sat back and listened while Hyunjin laid passed out in his bed behind them.

Changbin told him that even though Jisung was never involved with any of their problems, he got hurt by it. He had been confused, he did not want to choose sides and lose any of his friends. Even though he was a happy go lucky guy, Jisung was fragile. The mood of the people around him greatly affected him and in the initial days, Jisung had been trying to lift the mood and make people happy. It didn’t work and slowly Jisung became desperate. He had trouble being alone, so he put his nails into Changbin, Jisung was afraid that he would lose everyone, and he did not understand why.

During the days Jisung would lock himself into studio with Chan to make music and at night Jisung would stay in Changbin’s room. It was as if, Jisung thought that if he would take his eyes away from them, even if it was just for a moment, they would disappear. Jisung who did not do anything wrong, but still ended up hurt.

Minho often wondered if more had happened between them during those nights, but neither Jisung nor Changbin ever talked about the nights they spend together, but Minho took more notice after that. After how the two of them interacted and how the others acted. After a while Chan stopped locking himself in his studio, Hyunjin stopped drinking and became his old self again. Changbin distanced himself again, turning back to the cold person he was before and Jisung seemed happier with things slightly back to normal. He sometimes tried to talk to Seungmin and even to Jeongin, but there was still a distance and he did not know how to fix it.

Minho pressed his lips against Jisung's head, whispering softly “I love you… and I will always give you a place to return to.”

——————————————————————————

❣ ** _Author Note_** ❣

**_————————————————————— end chapter —————————————————————_ **

**_When you are in a group of friends and only a few of them are fighting, in the end everyone gets hurt by it. So, I kind of wanted to show you a bit more about how Jisung felt about everything._ **


	33. Changbin

**Changbin Present.**

Changbin smiled walking hand in hand with Felix to the dance practice, they had woken up together again this morning. After that one night during the power-out a few days ago, he slept almost every night with Felix, and he was sleeping better than he had ever before in his entire life. In the morning he would quickly drop by his own dorm room to take a shower and change his clothes before they had breakfast together with Jeongin. Jisung and Minho joined them later at the cafe and now the whole group was on their way to meet the others to have another dance practice, the day of the showcase was coming close. The atmosphere between all of them was good and Changbin felt lighter than he had in years. The meeting with the casting agent the day before had gone well, they came to an agreement and even though he was still sad that he was leaving all of his friends behind. It was time for him to start thinking about his future, it was his dream. The doubts he had before about wanting to stay were gone after the meeting, yes there were still factors that made him want to stay here. Mostly the guy that was now holding his hand. But it had been his dream for so long. He just needed to find the right thing to tell him, to tell all of them, and that was still weighting down heavily on him.

He looked up and saw a familiar head walking just in front of him. The guy seemed to notice him as well and stopped. He was also holding somebody’s hand. Changbin could see the interaction between the two, how the other guy glared at him. He knew his name is Jeno, he was in the dance program. He watched as Jaemin held the guy back shaking his head. He had to get out of here. He retracted his hand from Felix, who stared at him in confusion. “Who is that?” He could hear Felix ask but he was too fixated on Jaemin. Sweet little Jaemin. He swallowed shaking his head. Jaemin and Jeno started making their way over to them. He had to get out of here. “I’m sorry… I got to go…” He barely brought the words out before turning around and running away. Hyunjin had told him that Jaemin was at the school a few days ago but he didn’t think he would run into the guy this fast. He wanted to meet him and talk about what had happened… but not right now, he wasn’t ready yet.

He tried so hard to fix everything with his friends, he tried so hard to change. Why did his past show up now? A past he wanted to make up for so bad.

**_Changbin’s past._ **

_Changbin leaned against the wall of the bathroom, he watched as the guys dunked his head in the toilet. It made him feel disgusted. This place his entire life made him feel disgusted. It was already late in the day, but he didn’t want to go home. Both his parents where home for the first time in months and from the moment they had gotten in last night they had been screaming at each other. Throwing stuff around and creating a mess. His father had screamed at him that he was worthless and when he got really angry, his father would always turn to physical violence, his mother, she preferred to pretend that he didn’t exist at all. He never understood why the two of them had children in the first place if they hated them so much, if they hated each other so much. His sister had been smart enough to leave the house as soon as possible and was living with her older boyfriend full time. She didn’t want to take him with her either. Nobody in his family wanted him._

_He didn’t mind living on his own in that big house, he got some money from his parents every month and he did small rapping gigs to earn some extra. It was only when either of them returned that he had to hide away, when they were both there at the same time was when it was at its worse. He looked at the three guys laughing and shook his head. He didn’t even know why he was friends with them. Maybe because it was easy. They had known each other for a long time, they knew his situation. They always gave him a place to run to when it got really bad at home. His eyes wandered to the poor victim. Jaemin, the sweet kind guy that had the courage to come out of the closet and was now bullied for it. Changbin knew that the only reason they bullied him was because Dong Hoon was gay and was too afraid to get out of the closet himself. Dong Hoon liked Jaemin, but was disgusted at himself, and envied the Jaemin for being stronger and braver than he was._

_All he had to do was reach out a hand to help the guy, yet he didn’t. Every day this happened. Though he did not actively participate he was a culprit as he stood there watching. He could just reach out a hand to him, but he was afraid that they would start bullying him too, if they started bullying him at school then his only place of peace was gone. It was only a little longer and then he was out of this place. He would get out of this country as soon as possible. Get away from everyone. He looked at his nails as he heard the guys push Jaemin to the floor before walking away. Only when he was left alone with Jaemin could he looked up again. The guy was coughing laying on the floor his head soaking wet. He swallowed reaching into his bag taking his towel, the towel he had brought for Jaemin specifically, and putting it on top of the other’s head. He made to leave the bathroom when he heard the guy speak. “If you don’t like it, then why do you stand there and watch it.” Changbin turned around and looked straight into the eyes of Jaemin._

_He admired the guy, Jaemin didn’t give up, no matter how much the guys bullied him, even though he didn’t have any friends, even if he was completely alone the guy always had a fire in his eyes. It always looked like nothing could break him, even though Changbin knew that wasn’t true, everyone could break at some point. “I don’t know what you are talking about.” Jaemin snorted sitting up and dryings hair with the towel. “You always stand there, watching them hurt me, you never do anything, you don’t laugh with them you don’t even seem to enjoy it. Why do you keep standing there if you don’t like it?” Changbin stared at the other for a while before he heard his ‘Friends’ shouting his name. He gave one last glance at Jaemin before following after them. Jaemin’s question kept repeating in his head._

_That night his nightmares started. His mother and father shouting at him calling him worthless, his friends laughing at him. Jaemin calling him weak. He couldn’t sleep all night. It had been on his mind for so long, he couldn’t sleep and just spend the night staring up at the ceiling of his bedroom. He could hear his parents shouting at each other again. “Because I don’t want to end up like you.” He whispered to himself._

_The next morning, he found his towel washed in his locker with a small note saying, “Thank you.” In Jaemin’s cursive writing. He found out later that day that Jaemin had transferred schools. He regretted it, standing there watching his friends bully the guy. He regretted not standing up for him. He was guilty as well, he never helped him, he never even said anything to the teachers. He stopped being friends with them after it. Stopped being friends with anyone. He just spend the remaining of his high school years alone. It was better to keep your distance._

_It was only after he entered Veltica and met Chan and Jisung, that he started to open up again slightly. Though he still kept everyone an arm’s length away, he was able to open the door to his heart and care slightly about other people again. Unknowingly to himself, that slightly turned into a lot. Those who knew him, really knew him, also knew that the dark and lonely image Changbin upheld wasn’t his true self, even though he still struggled a lot with friendships and reading other people’s emotions, underneath a thick layer of skin, there was a very kind and caring person, who did not realise himself how much he would do to make those around him happy._

**Changbin Present.**

“Changbin?” He looked up seeing Felix walk towards him. He had been hiding on the rooftop thinking about his past. The guy smiled at him, but he couldn’t return it. Felix who went through so much, who was bullied. He closed his eyes seeing the scene in his head again but this time it wasn’t Jaemin they were pushing headfirst into the toilet, but it was Felix. “I’m sorry…” He whispered; Felix wrapped his arms around him holding him tight. “Why are you sorry?” He opened his eyes pushing Felix slightly away and sliding down against the fence sitting down. Felix sat down in front of him. Felix who had entrusted him with his past. He couldn’t help himself he told Felix everything, well almost everything, he still got not push himself to tell Felix that he was leaving.

When he was done with his story Felix was quiet, he looked up and saw that he was frowning. He must hate him. He was one of those people that hurt him. Someone who saw people get hurt but did nothing to help them. “It was worse you know… the people that just stood there and watched… not worse, but more frustrating.” Changbin could feel his heart break as he looked at Felix, Felis was just leaning against the railing staring out over the school. “For me it was worse, because I just wanted them to do something… anything… but they never did.” Changbin looked down swallowing the lump in his throat. Felix was going to hate him now; he was going to leave him. He did not want Felix to leave him. “Do you regret it?” Felix asked after a while and Changbin just nodded his head. “I’m so sorry, even though I never put a finger on him, I stood there, I watched, I did nothing. I was one of those frustrating people, I was worse. Can you forgive me?” Felix hummed moving away from the fence to squat down in front of him.

“You shouldn’t apologise to me, I can’t give you forgiveness, apologise to Jaemin, ask him for forgiveness, it is up to him.” Felix stood up again. “What if he doesn’t forgive me…” His voice was weak. Felix his face hardened. “Then you will have to live with that.” Changbin flinched. “An apology doesn’t change the past, it doesn’t make up for the past either, but I believe people can change, maybe Jaemin does too.” Felix held out a hand, and Changbin took it with uncertainty. Felix pulled him up to stand before him. “For me, the people who watched, where worse, they frustrated me… but even though I could never forgive those that hurt me… I can forgive those who watched.” He pressed a soft kiss to Changbin’s cheek. Before letting go of him and leaving the roof, leaving Changbin alone with his thoughts.

Changbin took out his phone, finding Hyunjin’s number:

**_Binnie:_ **   
_Can you set up a meeting with Jaemin for me?_

**_Hyunnie:_ **   
_Are you sure?_

**_Binnie:_ **   
_Yes!_

**_Hyunnie:_ **   
_Next week at Coffee Lovers at 1 o’clock_

**_Binnie:_ **   
_Thank you!_

——————————————————————————

❣ ** _Author Note_** ❣

**_So now you know a bit more about Changbin’s past?_ **

**_I kind of wrote this out of my own experience with bullying but what do you think? Should Jaemin forgive him?_ **

  
  



	34. Chan & Seungmin

**Chan**

Chan sat at his regular table, staring out the window while stirring in his coffee. He watched the two guys talk and laugh together. 3 days ago, he had held Hyunjin back after practice to talk to him, but before he could say anything. Hyunjin had already told him, that he had confessed to Jeongin and that Jeongin had confessed to him. That Jeongin asked him to go on a date and that he had said yes, and he was wondering if that was okay? Hyunjin had not been able to look at him during the whole thing, he had just laid his hand on the man’s shoulder and squeezed it. Telling him it was okay. That he was happy for them and that it might take a while for him to get used to them he would support their decision. Relief had flooded Hyunjin’s face, and he had taken off before Chan had the time to ask him what he really wanted to ask.

Now thinking back on it he wondered if he really was okay with it as he said he was. He didn’t know his own feelings. He was confused, and at the same time he was the one they all looked up to, he was their leader, he was supposed to be their rock. This time around, his feelings did not matter, he just utilise everyone’s skill to their full capacity and create an amazing last show case. He did not want to worry about love, or relationships. He had been happy that Changbin had tried to fix everything, he was happy to have Jeongin back in his life, to have Seungmin back. Seeing his friends happy made him happy. But… He slammed his fist down on the table, thinking back about the night of the power out a week ago.

**The night of the power-out**

He watched as Hyunjin and Changbin left the room, frowning slightly. Hyunjin and Changbin had always been close, it always frustrated him a bit, that Hyunjin always seemed to know everything before 3RACHA did. The three of them had always been a great team, but it felt like lately Changbin was hiding things. He knew Jisung noticed it too. He had felt that Jisung's behaviour tonight was a result of that feeling. He stood up, when he noticed Jeongin look up he just ruffled his hair. “Bathroom…” He said before following after Changbin and Hyunjin, walking to the door and opening it slightly.

“When are you going to tell Felix? That you are leaving for America?” Chan stopped, a cold shiver going up his spine. “Are you going to tell him at all? What about Chan and Jisung? They are your friends, your partners in making music. Are you going to tell them?” Chan let himself slide down to the floor, leaning against the wall. He felt anger sliding through his veins. Changbin was leaving. He was going to America, Hyunjin knew but he never told Chan or Jisung. How long had Changbin known he was leaving for America. Was it before or after he started to get things on with Felix? He had asked Changbin to promise not to hurt Felix, but Felix did not know he was leaving.

**Back to the present**

It had been a week and Changbin still had not told him that he was leaving. By the way Felix was acting he figured he did not yet tell Felix either. He had not been able to look at Changbin for a week, even though he tried to act normal around him when they had practice or when 3RACHA came together to work on their music, he wanted to wait and see how long it would take Changbin to talk to him, but it was frustrating him. Why couldn’t Changbin trust him, why couldn’t he trust Jisung? Why did he tell Hyunjin and not them? He had always been a bit closed off, but they had been honest with each other. Chan knew about his rough home life, he knew about Changbin’s wish to leave the country and to become a famous rapper in America. If he was going to realise that dream, he could talk to him. He sighed finishing his coffee before getting up. He had to meet with Changbin and Jisung to finish the arrangement of their song.

**Seungmin**

Seungmin sat on the stage, he was helping the lead practice her lines, but it was annoying, it had always been annoying. She had an ego that could fly anyone to the moon and was a real diva. “Ew… what is that doing here?” She suddenly said, and he looked up in annoyance as that was not the line she was supposed to say, but he noticed her eyes where not looking at the script at all, instead they were looking at the door. A familiar guy had just entered the theatre. Seungmin threw his script at the her face, before getting up “Wait… you are supposed to help me practice my lines…” She screeched but Seungmin just ignored it, jumping off the stage and walking to Jeongin. The younger looked nervous. “Can we talk?” Seungmin just nodded pointing at some chairs in the back.

After they sat down, he noticed how nervous Jeongin really was, he kept whipping his sweaty palms on his pants. “Everything okay?” He asked, and Jeongin looked up in shock as if he had forgotten Seungmin was there for a moment, while he had been the one that wanted to talk in the first place, and it clicked. “You want to talk about Hyunjin don’t you?” Seungmin asked, earning a wide-eyed look from Jeongin. “I… hmm… we… uhm how do you?” Seungmin shrugged looking at the people walking around the theatre. “How do I know you liked him?” Jeongin nodded violently beside him. He was acting indifferent but in reality, it felt like his heart was beating out of his chest, he wanted to cry. “I had my suspicions for a while...” Jeongin nodded. “Hyunjin and I… we are going on a date… I wanted to ask if you were okay with that?” Seungmin snapped his head up to the other. “And if I am not? you are not going?” He realised his words came out harsher than he wanted them at the scared look Jeongin gave him.

Jeongin immediately looked away again. “Do you still love him?” He asked with a tiny voice that made Seungmin’s heart break. “No.” He firmly answered. And that was the truth, he did not love Hyunjin anymore not in the way that Jeongin meant at least. “Are you angry at me for loving him?” Seungmin thought about the question for a long time with Jeongin growing more nervous next to him. “No…” he finally answered. He was not angry at Jeongin for loving Hyunjin, he could see why the younger would love him, he had loved him for a long time as well. “Are you angry at Hyunjin for loving me?” Seungmin let out a sigh before shaking his head. “No… I am not angry at either of you for loving each other…” Jeongin finally looked up at him, a smile going on his lips and Seungmin couldn’t help but smile back at him. “Have fun on your date, okay?” Jeongin nodded and got up from the chair. “Thank you…” he almost shouted before walking out of the theatre.

Seungmin watched him go, turning his eyes back to the stage, where the lead was throwing another one of her tantrums. “I am not angry… I am scared… Scared that there will be no place left for me…” He whispered softly feeling a tear slide down his cheek. “There will always be a place for you.” Seungmin snapped his head to the side to see Jeongin standing there. Quickly he brushed the tear away from his cheek. “Jeongin… why?” The younger pointed at the chair beside him “I forgot my bag…” He moved to sit back in the chair again and gave Seungmin a smile.

“Seungmin… if you are scared there will be no place for you, then there is no reason for you to be scared. You have always been there for me, even when no one else was. You are my friend, there is always place beside me for you. Hyunjin is happy to have you back in his life, so is everyone else. Chan keeps telling me how good your singing is and even Felix said that he wants to get to know you better. Seungmin you are a part of Stray Kids… you are my best friend… Wherever I go, wherever I am, there is always a place for you.” Seungmin felt the tears sliding down his cheek again at those words. “Everyone missed you… and it’s my fault that you got separated from everyone, we all love you and care for you, you are a part of our group…” Jeongin said as he hugged the guy and Seungmin nodded.

——————————————————————————

❣ ** _Author Note_** ❣

**Who saw this chapter coming????**


	35. Hyunjin

**Hyunjin**

Hyunjin sat on a bench near the entrance, he had ordered a taxi to take him and Jeongin into town. Now he just had to wait for Jeongin and the taxi to arrive. He was nervous. Both Chan and Seungmin had given them the okay to go on their date and that was a relief, but to spend the whole day alone with Jeongin after everything that happened. What should they talk about, what if it was awkward? After the night of the power-out they did not spend any time alone together. They saw each other daily at practice, but the other guys had always been around them, and it felt like they were a buffer.

When he saw Jeongin walking up to him he quickly got up from the bench. His eyes travelled over the younger, appreciating how he looked, the striped sweater, with a neon shirt underneath and some tight black pants, he younger had even styled his hair in a way that Hyunjin considered sinful, who allowed him to look that good? Jeongin was out of breath when he reached him “I’m sorry, I am late… Felix took forever to decide on what I had to wear and how to do my ha…” The younger stopped mid-sentence realising what he was saying before looking up at Hyunjin with a blush. “Did you wait long?” Hyunjin shook his head. Giving the guy a smile “You look great.” He took Jeongin’s hand without thinking but let go once he noticed Jeongin looking at their hands. “I’m sorry…” Shit it was already turning awkward. Jeongin shook his head, taking his hand again. “It’s nice…” He said with a blush and Hyunjin returned the smile.

When they reached the city centre, they went around to different shops, buying new clothes and Hyunjin needed some new dancing shoes. Even though it was awkward in the beginning they both got over it quickly and fell into a relaxing flow. Walking around the shops, laughing and making jokes. He couldn’t stop admiring the younger, how funny and sweet he was, how cute. When they finally sat down for lunch, Hyunjin ordered an ice latte and Jeongin a strawberry milk. “This is nice…” Jeongin started making Hyunjin look up. “You look nice…” The words escaped him before he could think about them. “I should thank Felix for picking out that outfit for you, it really suits you.” Jeongin laughed playing with the straw in his pink milk. “I should thank Felix for a lot more than just my outfit.” Hyunjin nodded. “I just hope that he will be okay…” Hyunjin was lost in thought for a moment staring Jeongin’s pink milk and how Jeongin moved the straw. Jeongin frowned looking at him “Why?” Hyunjin just shrugged. “You know with Changbin leaving and all.” It had been heavy on his chest the last couple of weeks and keeping it hidden was becoming more and more difficult for him.

“WHAT!?!” Jeongin pushed the straw making it shoot out of the glass splashing pink milk all over Hyunjin's face. “Yah” Hyunjin quickly grabbed a napkin cleaning up the mess but Jeongin just stared at him. “What do you mean Changbin is leaving?” Jeongin said still screaming and Hyunjin halted his movement slowly looking up realising what he absentmindedly slipped to Jeongin “Fuck… I was not supposed to say that. Ignore it… please.” Jeongin shook his head “No! What do you mean with Changbin is leaving and possibly hurting Felix?” Hyunjin let out a sigh sitting back down in his chair. He was tired of keeping Changbin’s secrets, it became more exhausting every day, and he felt guilty watching how happy Felix was with Changbin. He did not mean to say anything to Jeongin… it just slipped out. He looked up to see Jeongin’s angry face.

“Jeongin…” Jeongin shook his head. “No! Felix is my friend… you can’t just say that he will get hurt and expect me to back down… Felix was the first person who did not care what other people said. The first person who gave me a chance.” Jeongin’s voice broke and Hyunjin looked at him. Reaching his hand out over the table holding Jeongin’s. “Jeongin… you have to promise me, you won’t tell Felix, Changbin needs to figure out how to tell this himself…” Jeongin frowned at him. “Please…” Jeongin finally nodded and Hyunjin told him why and when Changbin was leaving. Jeongin just listened he did not say or do anything after Hyunjin stopped talking, he just stared out the window. “Jeongin?” Jeongin turned to look at him. “He has a week… if he has not told him by the end of the week, I will tell him myself. Felix does not deserve this.” Hyunjin couldn’t help but agree with him, one thing was for certain. Felix, sweet and kind Felix definitely did not deserve this.

**Chan**

“This should work…” Chan mumbled as he stared at the screen, before leaning back in the chair looking at the other two in the room. Changbin had his head in his hand, seemingly asleep. Jisung looked up from his phone and nodded. “This means we are done right?” Chan nodded and before he could say anything else, Jisung already bolted out of the door. He chuckled watching the other go. Jisung had been back to his old happy self ever since he started dating Minho and Chan was glad for it. Minho was such a good influence for him, and it was good to see the happy squirrel back.

“Are we done?” Changbin lifted his head sleepily from his arms and Chan nodded. He watched as Changbin stretched out. “I can’t believe we only have one more week left before the showcase… time flew by so fast.” Chan watched him for a moment before he cleared his throat. “Can we talk?” Changbin stopped what he was doing at the seriousness in his voice and nodded. “When did you plan on telling us that you are leaving?” He realised he could have soften the blow, but he just did not feel like it, he was angry. Changbin just stared at him. “How did you…” Chan shook his head “Doesn’t matter… please explain me why you are leaving and when.” He crossed his arms leaning back in his chair.

Changbin let out a sigh. “I got in contact with a casting agent from America, after the show case last year. They have been wanting to sign me on. I told them I would after I finished school…” Chan frowned, a year, Changbin knew he would leave for a year. “You know it’s been my dream, leaving Korea, going to America to become an official rapper, signed with a record label and all…” Changbin stopped talking and stared at the floor afraid to look up. “Yes, I know… I have always supported you. We would go together… all three of us. Why did you hide it from us?”

“Because they only wanted to sign me on at that time. We promised to go together, but it was a once in a lifetime opportunity. I just needed to get out of this country… and before I realised, I had already agreed to sign on, but I did not want to leave you guys behind. I kept showing them your music, and Jisung’s songs and they agreed that they would sign all three of us, but they wanted to start off with just me, to test the waters. I thought I could leave in secret and then when the time was right pull the both of you over there and we could go on like we planned. I wanted it to be a surprise, but for that I had to leave first and none of you were supposed to notice, Jisung would be busy with Minho and you would be busy with Jeongin. Our friendships everything would be fixed and when you finally noticed I was gone; I would come back and surprise you after you graduated. That was my plan… but it got messed up. I did not think this was going to happen.”

Chan let out a sigh, moving his chair closer to Changbin. “You always sucked at reading other people, understanding others…” Changbin flinched looking up. “How in the hell would we not notice that one day you were there and the next day you were gone? What kind of idiots do you think we are? Why couldn’t you just talk to us? Why do you always have to do everything on your own?” Changbin slightly moved away from the other. “You fixed our friendships and brought us back together, but you did it for the wrong reasons… you decide everything on your own. Jisung and I would have supported you… we would have stood by you, instead you leave us in the dark.” Changbin shook his head opening his mouth to speak again but Chan cut him off. “When are you leaving?”

“After the showcase.” Chan jumped up from his chair. “The showcase is in two weeks…” he couldn’t hide the anger and hurt in his voice. “If I had not found out, when would you have told us? When will you tell Jisung? What about Felix?!? You promised you wouldn’t hurt him.” Changbin looked away, ashamed of himself. “I planned to leave a note…” He was once again cut off, but this time by Chan’s fist against his cheek. “We are your fucking friends! Everything we have gone through together… and you planned to leave without telling us and just leave a note?” Changbin reached up, holding his stinging cheek. “I wanted to come back for you…”

“That doesn’t fucking matter. We are your friends. You should have told us from the beginning. We could have done this together as a team, as we have always done things as a team. We would have supported you, even if there is no place there for me or Jisung, we would have encouraged you and supported you, but instead you just leave us behind and go behind our back. What the hell is wrong with you? Have our years together taught you nothing? Is this what Jisung and I mean to you? What our friends mean to you? Our time together these past few years and all you give us is a Note? Changbin looked up shame in his eyes. “I would come back for you guys.” Chan shook his head. “What about Felix, is also worth only a note?” Chan’s voice became softer as he fell back in his chair. He suddenly felt exhausted thinking about his friend.

“Felix…” Changbin whispered the name, still holding his cheek. “You should have never gotten close to him… Felix closed himself off from the world for 3 years… and now the first person he opens up to again will abandon him and just leave a note…” Chan shook his head getting up from his chair and grabbing his bag, he opened the door looking back at Changbin sitting there, still holding his red cheek. “You are an asshole, Changbin! Felix… no not just Felix but all of us, we deserved better than that!” He walked out the room and slammed the door leaving Changbin behind, as he looked up, he saw Jisung standing there next to the door with tears in his eyes.

“Jisung?” But before he could reach out, the guy already ran off. He let out a sigh. They really had to be more careful where they talked about private things. Getting overheard by people who were not supposed to hear anything was becoming a thing and he definitely did not like it. They were all finally together, and now the person who worked so hard to achieve this point fucked it up again.


	36. Changbin & Felix

**Changbin**

He stood in front of the door of the practice room, he could hear all of them shouting and laughing inside and let out a sigh. He had not spoken to any of the guys since his argument with Chan the day before, even though Felix had tried to call him numerous times, he had ignored it. He knew the guy was full of questions, but he could not seem to face him, he had difficulty facing all of them, but with only two weeks left until the showcase he could not skip out of practice. He slowly opened the door making his way inside. “You are late.” He looked up to see Felix in front of him. He looked at him with worry, but he just shook his head giving him a small smile.

It hurt to see him; Felix deserved the truth. Chan was right, he should have never kept the truth from him. But as time went on it became more difficult to tell him. Felix could not follow him to America, he still had three more years of school and after that. He didn’t even know what Felix would want to do after that. “Are you okay? What happened?” Felix tilted his head, his hand on his cheek, the cheek that was still hurting from when Chan had punched him and was red and swollen. Changbin opened his mouth to speak but saw Chan standing behind them, glaring at him. He shook his head and took Felix his hand in his own. “I am fine, don’t worry. Let’s start practice, shall we?” He dropped Felix his hand and made his way over to Chan and Jisung, who were preparing the music for today’s practice. Leaving Felix standing alone. As he reach them Jisung immediately got up and walked away from him to join Minho. Changbin stared at him go for a moment before turning to Chan.

“Can we…” He started but Chan cut him off. “No, we cannot, not until you talk to Felix.” Chan turned on the music and clapped his hands gathering everyone’s attention. Changbin followed after him staring at all of his friends. Finally, they were all together again and now he fucked it up. Chan gave them a short briefing, but he found it difficult to listen to him. He just moved to the corner in the back while the others were discussing what they still had to practice and the points they needed to pay extra attention to. He noticed Felix throwing him worried glancing, and Jisung avoiding his eyes at all cost. Chan was ignoring him as well, only talking to him about their work. It was eventually Hyunjin that came to stand next to him. “They know… don’t they? Jisung and Chan?” Changbin looked at Jisung.

Did Chan tell Jisung, is that why the guy was avoiding him? He nodded at Hyunjin. “I fucked up, didn’t I?” Hyunjin just shrugged. “I told you, you should have been honest with them for the start… but then again, it makes me a hypocrite as well. I can’t really lecture you on communicating when all of us seem to have a big problem with it.” Changbin looked at him. “I don’t know what to do… I know I need to tell Felix; I need to talk to Jisung, I need to talk to everyone and explain… but I can’t…” Hyunjin turned to stand in front of him. “Why? … why can’t you tell him? why couldn’t you tell anyone from the beginning. It makes no sense Binnie.” Changbin flinched at the nickname. “He will hate me… everyone will hate me.” He whispered and Hyunjin let out a snort. “Nobody would have hated you for choosing your own happiness. We are friends, we support each…” Hyunjin stopped himself and Changbin nodded. “We are friends we are supposed to support each other, but look behind you, look at them… how supportive have we all been, we left Jeongin behind, we left Seungmin behind, our friendship broke apart… we did not deal with our problems. If you consider all of that, is my fear really that irrational? Then it was Jeongin, now it is will be me who will be left behind but before anyone can abandon me… I will leave first.” Hyunjin seemed at a loss of words for a moment and Changbin made to move away, but Hyunjin took his arm. “It’s different… if you would have told us…” Changbin shook his hand lose. “It’s not different… not to me.” He left the practice room before anyone could stop him.

**Felix**

Felix watched as Hyunjin and Changbin where talking, it looked serious, so he was scared to approach them. He had noticed something was off between him and Jisung and Chan, but he was afraid to ask. Then he saw Changbin leaving the room, leaving all of them behind while they were still in the middle of practice. He made to go after them but Hyunjin stopped him. “Let him be…” Felix turned to him wanting to argue but Hyunjin shook his head. “He is not in his right mindset right now… if you go after him, I’m afraid he will do something he will regret.” Felix glanced at the door that Changbin had disappeared to one more time, before nodding his head defeated. “Can you tell me what’s wrong with him? He seemed so happy yesterday, what changed?” Hyunjin let out a sigh. “He is fighting himself right now… when he is ready, he will tell you… I hope…”

Felix turned around to look at the room. He had planned to meet up with Chan after practice, they had not been able to spend a lot of time together lately and Felix was worried about the guy. He knew Hyunjin and Jeongin went on a date, even though the two still kept their distance when all of them where together, it must make Chan feel a certain type of way. Then again, Jeongin had been acting weird last night when he came home from his date with Hyunjin. Not as happy as Felix thought he would be. Jisung was acting weird all day as well, keeping his head down and avoiding everyone but Minho. And Chan… his face was filled with anger and thunder all day. He thought all of them were figuring things out and becoming friends again, so what was with the weird atmosphere that was hanging around their group. He crossed the room, waving at Seungmin who was leaving with Jeongin. When he finally reached his friend, he tapped his shoulder.

Chan turned around and looked at him with an expression Felix could not really place. “Want to grab dinner together?” Chan seemed taken aback. “I mean we haven’t had a lot of time together lately… and I miss you.” Felix smiled and Chan gave him a small smile in return. “Sure, let me just pack this up and I’m ready to go…” Chan finished cleaning up while Felix waited and together, they set off to their usual little restaurant on campus.

After they were finally seated and ordered their food, Felix asked. “Are you okay?” Chan looked up in surprise, his shoulders tense, nodding his head slowly. “Why do you ask?” The waiter put down their drinks and Felix took his glass, playing a bit the straw. “Jeongin and Hyunjin? Are you okay with them?” Chan seemed to relax a bit and smiled. “Strangely enough I don’t mind it at all. They asked me, before they went on their date if I was okay with it… I thought it would be more difficult to see them together… but it feels like my friendship with both of them is better than before.” Felix looked at him worriedly, but Chan smiled at him. “Jeongin and I have been working on music together in the studio and my friendship with Hyunjin remained the same… I am really okay.” Felix nodded taking a sip of his drink. “Then why do you look so angry all the time?” The question was direct, and Chan choked on his own drink, coughing loudly. “What do you mean…” He brought out between coughs and Felix handed him a napkin. “You look angry today, like something is bothering you.”

Chan remained silent for a bit as their food was put on the table. “Felix?” Felix looked up from the food. Chan swallowed opening his mouth before closing it again, before finally asking. “Did you finish your painting?” Felix looked taken aback slightly at the off-topic question but nodded his head. “I finished it this morning before practice, I will hand it in to the teacher tomorrow for the exhibition.” Chan nodded taking another bite of food before turning back up to look at him again. “Are you happy here?” Felix frowned at the question putting his chopsticks down. “I think so yes… I have a good group of friends, enjoy my time between dancing and painting and have someone great by my side… I don’t think I have anything to complain.” Chan seemed to tense up again. “Changbin…” He said softly and Felix nodded his head. “Do you know what’s wrong with him? The last time I spoke to him he had a meeting with you and Jisung and ever since he’s been acting weird.”

“Changbin… is going...” Chan looked up and Felix could there was conflict in Chan’s eyes. “Changbin is going what?” He asked tilting his head, but Chan shook his head. “Forget about it… I’m glad you are happy here… I was thinking of taking the guys out for a drink. We have all been practicing so hard, it’s time to blow of some steam, don’t you agree?” He continued eating but Felix could not shake the feeling that Chan was hiding something from him. Something was going on, but they were not telling him, and it had something to do with Changbin. Did their past teach them nothing? “What do you think Felix?” Felix looked up at him in shock. “Think about what?” Chan smiled at him. “Going to the club tomorrow night to blow of some steam before the big showcase?” Felix smiled. “I think it’s a great idea. I have never been clubbing before.”

——————————————————————————

❣ ** _Author Note_** ❣

**Do you think Chan should have told him? Or was it right to wait for Changbin to tell him?**

**Author's Note:**

> It’s kinda funny how this story started out as a changlix story and I had their whole plot thought out about Felix his struggles and Changbin his struggles and that the whole Jeongin story was kind of a side thought that I just somehow went along with and now it slowly feels like that that’s the main story and not the original story of changlix that I had planned 
> 
> Oops... oh well like I said in the beginning the story had a beginning and an end and everything in between I’m just winging it


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